How much does it take? | INFJ Forum

How much does it take?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Nox, Aug 29, 2011.

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  1. Nox

    Nox One

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    How much does it take for someone to be let into your "inner world"?
    What is his/her qualifications for you to let him/her in?
    Is the standard different when YOU are attracted to him/her? If yes, how so?
    Is the standard different when HE/SHE is attracted you? If yes, how so?

    Your inputs are much appreciated.



    -A M/INTJ who is attracted to a F/INFJ.
     
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  2. Radiantshadow

    Radiantshadow Urban shaman

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    How much does it take for someone to be let into your "inner world"?

    A great deal of time and a genuine effort to understand me as a person instead of an idea ("friend", "boyfriend", "son" etc all carry connotations and social dynamics independent of the actual person). Usually I end up just reflecting what the person wants to see so they feel better about their worldview, though. Much easier than straining to be understood by someone who, frankly, probably won't appreciate the difference.

    What is his/her qualifications for you to let him/her in?

    Not a sheep, basically. Preferably with a mind and life separate from the Hive.

    Is the standard different when YOU are attracted to him/her? If yes, how so?

    Yes - it's much harder to get in. I rarely trust myself to do the best thing emotionally, so I clamp down on the access levers. I let "friends" in easier than potential companions because rejection from friends is much easier to bounce back from than someone I really want to connect with on all levels.

    Is the standard different when HE/SHE is attracted you? If yes, how so?

    See answer to first question.


    All in all, it isn't easy to enter my internal temple. I misdirect and reflect most attempts to find it; attempted intrusions are not taken kindly.
     
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  3. Norton

    Norton XXXX

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  4. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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  5. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    People I want to include in my "inner world" really only get fragments because it's very difficult to articulate some things.
     
  6. Gaze

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    How much does it take for someone to be let into your "inner world"?
    -depends on the person. not a specific type but a particular kind of person, someone who has no hangups about who or what someone should be; someone who can get along with almost anyone but can relate to everyone as individuals, not an undifferentiated mass. Someone who understands that difference is not deficient.

    What is his/her qualifications for you to let him/her in?
    -Be someone who makes you feel comfortable and who is fairly trustworthy. Be honest and avoid pretense. Don't assume you know the person based on initial impressions or have them figured out. Let that person reveal themselves as they choose. Take someone as is, not as you want them to be.

    Is the standard different when YOU are attracted to him/her? If yes, how so?
    - yeah, but it depends on the person. Sometimes, I'll let someone in just based on attraction but that's a bad idea. So, now I will hold out for someone who I can be honest with, without having to project some desirable image or impression.

    Is the standard different when HE/SHE is attracted you? If yes, how so?
    - No, it isn't. Unless I am interested in them, nothing changes. I would probably do the opposite, which is become more reserved or withdrawn.
     
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  7. invisible

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  8. Jill Hives

    Jill Hives fhtagn
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  9. invisible

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    they can come in if they genuinely want to. i definitely don't meet a lot of people who genuinely want to. (can't say i blame 'em.)
     
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  10. Ryo

    Ryo Community Member

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    How much does it take for someone to be let into your "inner world"?

    I find that it very much depends on the person. In general, my walls are intense but occasionally someone will be very disarming. I think those people end up being very good for me. I think first impressions sometimes reflect what the relationship will look like.

    What is his/her qualifications for you to let him/her in?

    I'm disarmed by honesty. Either those who're closed off but clearly don't lie well or those who are naturally open. I also like people who I feel that I can learn from.

    I don't think it matters whether I'm attracted to them or the other way around. I don't let anyone in unless there's mutual attraction/appreciation on some level.
     
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  11. Gaze

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