How Good Are You At Cutting Your Losses?
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PintoBean
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I am this way as well. Too much so. It has protected me emotionally, but ultimately it has cut me off from many social opportunities and chances at familial reconciliation.
knight in battle
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It's a skill that I've learned to use better. The tons of missed opportunities tend to make way for alternatives, not always good ones, but I tweak it to make it work. Some people would say it's just flat out the wrong way to go, and they have a very good point, but not completely right for me. I don't regret the times I've just gone with the right decision or opportunity, conventionally speaking. They've given me experience. There's a slight balance between defensiveness and tolerance, but always centered on the inner compass. Somewhere in the middle or a third way. It may look very different for you, I don't know.
It depends on a lot of variables, the situation, the context (professional, personal, etc), how much I have invested in something. I don't know if I swing one way or the other. It really depends on the particular situation and everything thats happening when I'm considering cutting my loses as an option.
Its an art to "know when to hold'em and know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run". I have found though when I've made the decision to cut my losses and move on it has almost always led me to someplace that expanded my perspective and my life and invariably led me to a place of growth, albeit with a period of freak out in the unknown. This is just what has happened for me. Like [MENTION=1049]knightinbattle said, its probably different for everyone.
At one time I cut my loses in the teaching profession and completely walked away from standardized education. I chose to only teach on a very part time basis in alternative settings because the institutional mindset of education in the U.S. was stifling and oppressive, not only for me as a teacher and individual but for the students, parents and community as well. It was a very difficult decision that ended up being a very good choice for me as far as my mental and physical health. Did I miss some things about teaching in that environment, yes, I missed the kids of course, but also my impact on changing the system. Was it worth it - ABSOLUTELY, why, for my mental and physical well being. Sometimes you just have to make decisions that are about taking care of yourself first.
One thing I have learned though is if it is time to go and you don't listen to the cues. Events will happen that will make it impossible for you to stay. Thats when you get thrown out of where you are whether you want to go or not. The key is recognizing when that time is. I recognize it by the level of difficulty and frustration Im experiencing about hanging in there. Its a scale tipping point for me.
Its an art to "know when to hold'em and know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run". I have found though when I've made the decision to cut my losses and move on it has almost always led me to someplace that expanded my perspective and my life and invariably led me to a place of growth, albeit with a period of freak out in the unknown. This is just what has happened for me. Like [MENTION=1049]knightinbattle said, its probably different for everyone.
At one time I cut my loses in the teaching profession and completely walked away from standardized education. I chose to only teach on a very part time basis in alternative settings because the institutional mindset of education in the U.S. was stifling and oppressive, not only for me as a teacher and individual but for the students, parents and community as well. It was a very difficult decision that ended up being a very good choice for me as far as my mental and physical health. Did I miss some things about teaching in that environment, yes, I missed the kids of course, but also my impact on changing the system. Was it worth it - ABSOLUTELY, why, for my mental and physical well being. Sometimes you just have to make decisions that are about taking care of yourself first.
One thing I have learned though is if it is time to go and you don't listen to the cues. Events will happen that will make it impossible for you to stay. Thats when you get thrown out of where you are whether you want to go or not. The key is recognizing when that time is. I recognize it by the level of difficulty and frustration Im experiencing about hanging in there. Its a scale tipping point for me.
knight in battle
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What was your concentration?
JGirl
no chocolate flavored gum? wow
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invisible
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You can't always control it and that's fine, but eventually you just learn to let the resentment go, I think. If people want to hold on to resentment over something I did, that's their prerogative. I'm happy if that makes them happy. I think that if they want me to be in their life despite also wanting to hold onto resentment, then I can just ignore their resentment and pretend I don't notice it, because it is just another little hobby of theirs that does not interest me. Otherwise if all they want in their life is resentment, and resenting some thing I did that I may regret but can't take back is more important to them than having me in their life, then I'm certainly going to be more comfortable living a life without them.
(Hope this makes some level of coherent sense, I'm probably just writing irrelevant stuff.)
Gee wiz I missed your sense of humor. Like the saying goes.
When I finished high school I thought I knew everything.
When I finished my Bachelors Degree I realized there were some things I didn't know.
When I finished my PhD I realized I don't know a damn thing and neither does anyone else.
BrokenDaniel
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Bad. I hold into people i've been in love with until it becomes an unrealistic expectation and then right through delusion, even when they are not there anymore. It's kind of pathetic in a way, or at least that's how it feels inside, specially when you've been proven wrong time and again and this person will not actually come back. It's a literal daily struggle to let go and move on.
Other areas, i can usually drift away, and then come back. It's pretty easy, you know people, walk away, come back and remember things and also catch up with each other. Somehow it's kind of a dichotomy, i've never been consistent with my relationships and friendships it's kind of a mode of operating. But somehow that lack of routine, and consistency with most people/situations have felt deeply isolating in a way sometimes as evidenced by my yearning for that precious and idealized connection with a special someone.
To sumarize it's a tug of war between move on and look for other experiences and a way out vs wanting to belong with someone, or somewhere who knows...
The only solution is to practice consistency in a few friendships and things to hold on to. Even when i get bored of them, it somehow pays off to show up constantly with certain people, you get more depth in the long run, and shared experiences.
Other areas, i can usually drift away, and then come back. It's pretty easy, you know people, walk away, come back and remember things and also catch up with each other. Somehow it's kind of a dichotomy, i've never been consistent with my relationships and friendships it's kind of a mode of operating. But somehow that lack of routine, and consistency with most people/situations have felt deeply isolating in a way sometimes as evidenced by my yearning for that precious and idealized connection with a special someone.
To sumarize it's a tug of war between move on and look for other experiences and a way out vs wanting to belong with someone, or somewhere who knows...
The only solution is to practice consistency in a few friendships and things to hold on to. Even when i get bored of them, it somehow pays off to show up constantly with certain people, you get more depth in the long run, and shared experiences.
Last edited:
ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc
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I would just like to make it clear to everyone what this means. This is not to say anyone here specifically doesn't understand.
The loss is not the person, it is the emotional debt of the investment in that person. The distinction is very key. So cutting your losses isn't as simple as cutting people out of your life. The person is actually both the intellecual liability, and the emotional asset. This means you know this person will cause more damage, but your heart believes otherwise.
Fortunately most people follow the laws of nature, so our hearts and minds are more in sync, or at least enough to disallow a significant dillema between the two.
Also, there are other external factors that are significant enough to conclude that cutting losses isn't necessarily a skill of its own, but rather a composite ability of other skills you have such as being able recoup your losses elsewhere (rebound).
The loss is not the person, it is the emotional debt of the investment in that person. The distinction is very key. So cutting your losses isn't as simple as cutting people out of your life. The person is actually both the intellecual liability, and the emotional asset. This means you know this person will cause more damage, but your heart believes otherwise.
Fortunately most people follow the laws of nature, so our hearts and minds are more in sync, or at least enough to disallow a significant dillema between the two.
Also, there are other external factors that are significant enough to conclude that cutting losses isn't necessarily a skill of its own, but rather a composite ability of other skills you have such as being able recoup your losses elsewhere (rebound).