How do you handle criticism: given and received? | INFJ Forum

How do you handle criticism: given and received?

Gaze

Gaze

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Is it easy or hard for you to hear or receive criticism? Most people probably feel a little defensive but may later find it helpful or useful. But does it matter how the criticism is given? Some say if you don't give criticism harshly or use a stern tone then someone may not get the point. But others say if it's too harsh, it defeats the purpose. Some say it's best to risk hurting someone's feelings if it's helpful in the end while others say, not considering the person's feelings may lead misunderstanding and not really improve anything. The person may simply become avoidant and even more defensive.

So, do you handle criticism? How do you think criticism should be given and received?
 
It can certainly impact how I take criticism if someone tries to buffer it a little vs not doing so. But I also think different situations probably call for different "kinds" of criticism.

I tend to try to mellow out any critical remarks I have because I feel like it will usually be received better. I don't see the point in criticizing if they're just going to write you off as being an asshole anyway. I think in general people will take it to heart more if you appear to actually care about them and it comes across when you bring sensitive things up. I may not initially want to "play nice" and just be harsh, but I see more value in reeling in the bluntness factor.

Also, from what I have seen, a lot of criticism just comes from what ends up being personal preference. For instance, when someone has a different way of doing something (that works for them) and they get criticized for it just because the critic wouldn't have done it that way. I get really annoyed when I am criticized in such a manner because I am usually doing it the way I am for a reason and have thought it out already. To have it brought up in such a way sort of implies I haven't thought it through, when I KNOW that I have, and this person isn't seeing all the information I've already gathered. It just seems really controlling on their end. I've caught myself having urges to point things out to people in this same manner, because my way seemed more efficient or would maybe lead to a better result. But really in the end, "better result" was just my own perception of the situation. They probably would not have felt the same way, and it's likely a lot easier for them to do it the way they chose for a reason.
 
Honestly, I don't handle criticism well. I don't like giving it either. I have a "live and let live" mentality and I generally try not to bother people about how they do things. I find myself asking why a person is doing something a certain way because maybe there is something I'm missing. I also do very well with adjusting when I'm approached in that manner.

I've found that troubleshooting with another person works better, if my ideas (or his/hers) aren't getting the job done.

Interestingly, I started this rapport my children and it bled over into my relationships with adults. Works better for all parties from what I've seen thus far.
 
Agree, prefer calloborating or discuss strategies for improvement rather than someone telling what I should or shouldn't do. I also don't really handle harsh criticism very well, especially if the goal is meant to embarrass. It often leads to self doubt about abilities rather than the belief that something can be improved. I am also very hard on myself so when someone points out something I'm not doing properly, just like [MENTION=3240]Jill Hives[/MENTION] I resist it because they don't know the thought process, work, and effort I put into what I'm doing.
 
It goes in one ear and out the other. I compete against myself, no one else.

It's a lot like this adage for me: "If you know yourself, then you'll not be harmed by what is said about you."
 
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As long as it's constructive, I welcome it. If someone's being an arse however, I bust out my witticism and give them what's coming. Or I ignore them. No one is perfect and our flaws can create difficulties or misunderstandings. What's in our control that can be fixed, when someone points it out, try to fix it. If someone is picking away at a fundamental part of your being, don't stand for that.

And once again finding I agree with [MENTION=1669]Cedar[/MENTION]


Cedar said:
Agree, prefer calloborating or discuss strategies for improvement rather than someone telling what I should or shouldn't do. I also don't really handle harsh criticism very well, especially if the goal is meant to embarrass. It often leads to self doubt about abilities rather than the belief that something can be improved. I am also very hard on myself so when someone points out something I'm not doing properly, just like [MENTION=3240]Jill Hives[/MENTION] I resist it because they don't know the thought process, work, and effort I put into what I'm doing.
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I run a quick assessment to see if there's any basis and what the point of the criticism is.

If I think the criticism is given with constructive intent, I'll engage. If not, I'll shut it down and think about it later.

If the criticism was justified I'll try and incorporate its insights.


I like criticism to be direct, unambiguous, firm and objective. I try to keep my criticisms of others this way - and will only give it if I think it might be of benefit to the other (depending upon their subjective receptivity).
 
I don't like to be criticised by others. I criticise myself quite well. It makes me angry when people criticise me, I guess because I try hard. I also like to do things my way, and I don't like to be questioned or judged on how I do them. If someone has a problem with how I'm going about doing something, my reaction (on the inside) is "Fuck you--if you don't like it go jump in the lake". Perhaps that's wrong of me, but it's true.

EDIT: I should also add that I have become slightly better in the last year about handling criticism. I 'absorb' the hurt better than I used to without lashing out with insults as rebuttal. I think this is because of my mother passing away. I'm not sure why, but I guess my best guess is that since she died everything has kind of slowed down for me. There's more to it than that, but I don't know what that 'more' is yet. As Rilke would say, I have to wander into my answers.
 
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I take it very personally. Bad and wrong habit. In process of revaluating...
I give not often. Wrong as well. In process...
Story of Solomon's wisdom is nice metaphor for importance of wise critical observation.
 
Depends on who is giving it to me.

With people I trust, I soften my heart and listen.

Otherwise I defend myself against it and keep a mental note of how often its happening.
 
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