How do YOU deal with incompetent jerks? | INFJ Forum

How do YOU deal with incompetent jerks?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by noisebloom, Jul 5, 2018.

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  1. noisebloom

    noisebloom theory conspirer
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    This thread is not so much a query for advice as it is an attempt to understand how others deal with incompetent jerks and whether or not there is much correlation with one's personality type and the actions they take, how they feel, etc.

    I'm talking about people who treat others like shit, especially when it comes to areas/ideas they are average or below average in.

    For example, at work, there are a few people I know that are lazy and haven't developed their skills proficiently for how long they've been there, and they generally throw people under the bus, take credit for others' work, etc. This sometimes is caught by management if it's overt enough, but some slip under the radar. I usually am very transparent with my bosses about these people, and my complaints are generally well-received, but those people still piss me off. When I find myself in a group in which there are too many of these people, I generally jump ship.

    When I meet these kinds of people outside of work, I just ignore them and avoid situations in which I'd have to interact with them.


    On the other hand, I have some friends (usually INTPs) that can be dicks when it comes to areas that they know about, but it has pushed me to be more deliberate when speaking about things and to educate myself better, so I am less bothered by these people (i.e. competent jerks). They are still great friends when it comes to exchanging ideas.

    Thoughts? Do you guys (INFJs and others) deal with these kinds of people differently? Does your perceived competence of the person in question matter? How does it make you feel?
     
    #1 noisebloom, Jul 5, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2018
  2. Wyote

    Wyote Moody Magician
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    I generally just avoid everyone because everyone is pretty terrible
     
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    Happy Phantom Phantom Traveler

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  4. Pin

    Pin Commander-in Chief / Ren's Counterpart

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    Wait.

    I am an incompetent jerk.
     
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  5. JennyDaniella

    JennyDaniella Universe Contemplator

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    Pretty much what everyone else is saying. I just avoid the assholes and don't acknowledge them. Not going to waste my time and breath. There are more important meaningful things to concentrate on than just toxic people who intend to hurt others.

    I'm too young/old for that kind of shit.
     
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  6. OP
    noisebloom

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    :teary:
     
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  10. Sandie33

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    At first I beam in on their lack of skill and spend countless hours trying to take over for them and fix what's broken that way their not affected by my superority and their incompetency....

    No, seriously, I start with respect and kindness, if they prove to be more toxic than struggling with their own stuff, it makes me feel they are acting this way on purpose, it's then that I just don't interact with them, unless it's part of the job, then it's simply interacting with civility. :D
     
  11. OP
    noisebloom

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    I am definitely a forgiving enough of a person to assess if someone has a pattern of hostility or abrasiveness before it bothers me too much.

    When it becomes continual, I am usually still polite, but I wear my emotions pretty naturally and openly, so I'm pretty sure people know when I dislike them. Some people will even stop bugging me if they know I don't like them, but often I still witness them treating others like shit.

    I have a reputation at work for stepping in and helping my coworkers in situations like this, but the fact that I am essentially powerless to change these people bothers me to no end. It almost makes me feel like a child, unable to control my emotions. I have done things in the past such as meditation (I got really good at it) and CBT, and while it helped a little, it never completely tempered my strong emotional reactions to these little "injustices".
     
  12. OP
    noisebloom

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    Discussed with an ISTP friend over lunch. He agrees that the perceived competence of said person makes a huge difference on the emotional reaction.
     
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  13. OP
    noisebloom

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    I decided that a long time ago as well, but I've realized that I'll never stop running if I just avoid them. They are everywhere. Easy to do in my personal life, difficult to do when I work with them. I've even moved to groups with very healthy people, but as time goes on, things always change and the douchebags invade.

    Last summer I had to go on a month-long international trip with two very well known (at my workplace) kings of incompetent douchebaggery. Through meditation, I got to the point in which I was barely fazed by this. I flew there happy. After we arrived, they were pretty much assholes to everyone. They made a lot of enemies. It was frustrating; my only solace was that I made a lot of friends and we pretty much all hated them as a team. Go team!
     
  14. flower

    flower Wilted plant

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    This (too). :smile:

    Why to use my energy for them, it's not worth it. :m118:
     
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  15. Ren

    Ren Pin's android

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    Life is too short to waste one's efforts on trying to change or understand the ways of a jerk.

    If push comes to shove, I'm not afraid to just expose their incompetence.

    Otherwise just haughty disregard - which is easy for me since I'm French. ;)
     
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  16. OP
    noisebloom

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    This is my eternal struggle. I need to believe I can understand anything. When I don't, I basically go nuts.
     
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  17. Ren

    Ren Pin's android

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    Lol yeah, I think it's the bane of a Ti dominant isn't it?

    Maybe consider that these jerks might be the equivalent of a very simple equation, like 2x = 2. And consider the problem solved from then on.
     
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  18. Milktoast Bandit

    Milktoast Bandit Voodoo whack puppet

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    Murder.
    Super powerful.
     
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  19. Ren

    Ren Pin's android

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    If we were allowed to murder all the jerks, we'd basically all be genocidal maniacs
     
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  20. OP
    noisebloom

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    there's no way it works like that
     
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  21. OP
    noisebloom

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    Come to think of it, most of you INFJs remind me of a certain genocidal maniac from history...

    OH YES I DID
     
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