How and why do Conflicts and Arguments happen?
- Thread starter SamE
- Start date
I think conflicts are inevitable, so long as people are approaching the world from different premises and/or different levels of understanding about how things work in the economic/political system. And people always will.
Was just talking with a friend on the phone who was mad, hurt, angry, upset at his housemate for being a "cold, unfeeling, rigid, sonofabitch".
When I finally got him to calm down and think about WHY he was this way - it turned out his housemate was not living up to his expectations.
I then told him that this goes on every day - all day - between everyone - all over the world.
When one person has expectations of another - and they don't meet them - then they get pissed. Then they piss off the one who didn't meet their expectations. It goes round and round and round.
I encouraged him to pay careful attention to his expectations.
He ended up saying that he didn't have any right to expect his housemate to act in ways so as not to hurt his feelings - any more than his housemate had the right to expect HIM to act a certain way.
I realize this kind of thinking does not include harmful actions to others such as violence.
But I do believe it explains why there are arguments and confrontations.
I usually try to avoid them if I can. I will however argue vehemently when someone purposefully crosses my boundaries they know perfectly well exists.
When I finally got him to calm down and think about WHY he was this way - it turned out his housemate was not living up to his expectations.
I then told him that this goes on every day - all day - between everyone - all over the world.
When one person has expectations of another - and they don't meet them - then they get pissed. Then they piss off the one who didn't meet their expectations. It goes round and round and round.
I encouraged him to pay careful attention to his expectations.
He ended up saying that he didn't have any right to expect his housemate to act in ways so as not to hurt his feelings - any more than his housemate had the right to expect HIM to act a certain way.
I realize this kind of thinking does not include harmful actions to others such as violence.
But I do believe it explains why there are arguments and confrontations.
I usually try to avoid them if I can. I will however argue vehemently when someone purposefully crosses my boundaries they know perfectly well exists.
- Mar 17, 2010
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Because someone has the misguided notion that I'm not right all the time.
It's true...when you mix up general human diversity with expectations (warranted or not), and then add a pinch of ego (well, maybe more than a pinch) and swirl it all together with our own insecurities, needs and the resulting hidden agendas, you are bound to generate conflicts and arguments. Doesn't have to be this way....for example, leave out the ego and the whole recipe changes.