Hey guys,
I've never asked for advice like this before, but hoping that fellow INFJ can help me out with their opinion on the matter, I'm taking a shot. So, I've started dating my INTP boyfriend about 2 months ago. Before that, we were the kind of friends that could talk to each other about anything, even though we've known each other for less than a year. He's my first relationship, while he has been in several.
Lately, I feel as though we're hitting a rough patch. I feel that he doesn't understand me and he says the same about me. We've never had that problem before; we would talk for hours and hours about anything and everything and even though we sometimes saw things differently, we could always understand each other's POV. I could say that we were fascinated by the other's view on things. And now we have... silence. And usually that silence comes from me. Because, lately, he makes me feel that everything I do is something that bothers him. He's constantly implying that he liked me better a few months ago, because I would talk more, would not get so easily hurt, would always come up with interesting topics, etc. If I say I'll call him in an hour and I call him after an hour and 15 minutes, he says I don't keep my word (that has happened only once). If I get angry at him for not telling me what he wanted (like, instead of saying clearly what he wanted, he went up to his room and started sulking), why did I get angry when it was my fault to begin with? If I say I want to meet up, why don't I also say where I want us to go? And I no longer know if what he's saying is right and that I have changed. Because I now feel hurt because of and want to hide behind some walls. I know that INTPs are not so big on compliments or on expressing their feelings through words, and even though I sometimes hunger for that, I understand him and do my best to not make him feel like he has to do something that he is not comfortable with.
This month has been a bit hard for me, because I just finished University and I had a lot of exams and stress to deal with. But I did my best to not make him feel left out; I would always meet him and, even though I hate staying up too late before an exam, I would stay with him until early morning. Also, I tried to keep the stress all to myself, because I didn't want him to think that I'm so easily defeated by a few exams. But I wanted him to be a bit more suportive...instead he started telling me the things that were bothering him about me. And I tried to be more careful: never change our plans, always call him on time...
But I don't know what to do now. Before we started dating, he dated one of my colleagues. He broke it off with her, but now she's always at his place. This week she stayed there for 6 consecutive days. He says there's nothing between them and he's just helping her because she has some family issues atm, but she's hitting on him a lot, and I don't find that too pleasant. I really don't know if he cares about me at all if after I told him I'm bothered and I feel hurt by their hanging around so much, that same night I find out that she's staying over again.
I would really apreciate some advice, because I feel like I'm losing my mind and I hate that. Because of this, I'm afraid I might soon start to hate him, and that would be a shame, because until recently, things have been going beautifully between us.
I've never asked for advice like this before, but hoping that fellow INFJ can help me out with their opinion on the matter, I'm taking a shot. So, I've started dating my INTP boyfriend about 2 months ago. Before that, we were the kind of friends that could talk to each other about anything, even though we've known each other for less than a year. He's my first relationship, while he has been in several.
Lately, I feel as though we're hitting a rough patch. I feel that he doesn't understand me and he says the same about me. We've never had that problem before; we would talk for hours and hours about anything and everything and even though we sometimes saw things differently, we could always understand each other's POV. I could say that we were fascinated by the other's view on things. And now we have... silence. And usually that silence comes from me. Because, lately, he makes me feel that everything I do is something that bothers him. He's constantly implying that he liked me better a few months ago, because I would talk more, would not get so easily hurt, would always come up with interesting topics, etc. If I say I'll call him in an hour and I call him after an hour and 15 minutes, he says I don't keep my word (that has happened only once). If I get angry at him for not telling me what he wanted (like, instead of saying clearly what he wanted, he went up to his room and started sulking), why did I get angry when it was my fault to begin with? If I say I want to meet up, why don't I also say where I want us to go? And I no longer know if what he's saying is right and that I have changed. Because I now feel hurt because of and want to hide behind some walls. I know that INTPs are not so big on compliments or on expressing their feelings through words, and even though I sometimes hunger for that, I understand him and do my best to not make him feel like he has to do something that he is not comfortable with.
This month has been a bit hard for me, because I just finished University and I had a lot of exams and stress to deal with. But I did my best to not make him feel left out; I would always meet him and, even though I hate staying up too late before an exam, I would stay with him until early morning. Also, I tried to keep the stress all to myself, because I didn't want him to think that I'm so easily defeated by a few exams. But I wanted him to be a bit more suportive...instead he started telling me the things that were bothering him about me. And I tried to be more careful: never change our plans, always call him on time...
But I don't know what to do now. Before we started dating, he dated one of my colleagues. He broke it off with her, but now she's always at his place. This week she stayed there for 6 consecutive days. He says there's nothing between them and he's just helping her because she has some family issues atm, but she's hitting on him a lot, and I don't find that too pleasant. I really don't know if he cares about me at all if after I told him I'm bothered and I feel hurt by their hanging around so much, that same night I find out that she's staying over again.
I would really apreciate some advice, because I feel like I'm losing my mind and I hate that. Because of this, I'm afraid I might soon start to hate him, and that would be a shame, because until recently, things have been going beautifully between us.
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