Friendship | INFJ Forum

Friendship

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by WhiteWolf, Jun 13, 2009.

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  1. WhiteWolf

    WhiteWolf Community Member

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    My first thread, I am a bit nervous, but here it goes.




    Friends....

    I would call a friend somebody who you like, can hang out with, somebody who understands you, somebody who you can share your thoughts, feelings and worries with.

    All the people I hang out with in real life, who I call friends, are just there to hang out with and share some interests with.
    But I can't talk to them, if you get what I mean.

    At times I really long for a real friend. With whom I can share my stuff with without being judged. Somebody who actually wants to listen to what I have to say.
    And of course ill be there for them, to listen, give support if they need it.

    I just hate it when I finally convinced myself to open up to my friends, and a soon as I started the sentence they interrupt me like they weren't even listening. Or look at me like I'm a weirdo...

    This all is also not really good for my self-esteem.

    It
     
  2. Krumplenump

    Krumplenump Community Member

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    Firstly, NO you are not being too idealistic. Whatever you do don't lower your expectations of true friends.

    I may not have said that so vehemently a year ago, but since then I have met one person (a work colleague) with whom I can talk about practically anything. Granted, she has done most of the talking and I listen mostly, but we have a connection that in invaluable. She tells me of her problems, her worries, her past and her thoughts for her future. I don't always provide her with my thoughts on her words because I know that sometimes people just don't want solutions offered, they just want someone to talk to and tell everything to.

    So there ARE people like that out there. Had we not been forced to be together every day (due to work) my character would have made me shy to keep being in her presence if I thought it looked like I wanted to too much, but luckily that wasn't the case.

    I don't know what you are like in that field, but in my experience finding a true friend like that isn't easy since I avoid a lot of situations in which I may find one, but they ARE there, and it's reassuring to know that.
     
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  3. tovlo

    tovlo Well-known member

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    I do not think you need to lower your expectation of friendship, but you may need a modest expectation of how frequently you will run into those relationships. In my experience their presentation is rare and often not lasting. I find what I can to value in the majority of my interactions, and cherish the times in my life when I've been able to experience moments of deeper friendship.

    No, it's not good for the esteem. I'm familiar with the interaction style you describe. It is terribly tough for me as well. I still don't experience it well. Finding those friends who can truly receive you is wonderful, but also, working to accept yourself even when others do not seem to will help make those interactions easier to bear.

    Best to you.
     
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  4. Madison

    Madison Regular Poster

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    WhiteWolf, from what you wrote it sounds like you'd be a good friend because you are willing to have the qualities that you desire in someone else - nonjudgmental, a good listener, supportive.

    I understand about the self-esteem being affected. Some of my more pragmatic friends would look at me as if I was a weirdo whenever my intuitive side emerged. After awhile I started feeling like a ditsy little girl because almost all of my ideas weren't taken seriously.

    Since you are 17 I imagine that you will inevitably encounter other social circles with different behavior in friendships!
     
  5. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    I do think that you are being too Idealistic. People are people and they will never understand you, much like you're never going to understand yourself (completely). Instead of looking for a friend who understands you, maybe look at why you need a friend to understand you.
     
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  6. OP
    WhiteWolf

    WhiteWolf Community Member

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    Thanks for all the replies.


    It
     
  7. Orion

    Orion Strength through understanding
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    WhiteWolf, I completely relate to what you feel. For a long time I didn't have a single friend that I could really talk to. The way I would try to bridge the gap is to offer my true inner feelings, thinking that they too would reciprocate, but it never happened. Just like you said, they look at you weird and simply wouldn't understand what your saying.

    I think I was torn between wanting to open up to friends and my natural reserve. I have a few real friends now who I can depend on- one of which I hated for a year, now hes my best friend!

    I'm going to Uni soon as well. I'm confident I'll make some life long friends and so will you.
     
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  8. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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