Friendship through difference? | INFJ Forum

Friendship through difference?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Raccoon Love, Sep 26, 2010.

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  1. Raccoon Love

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    I met a friend, and we have started to become quite close. His company can be enjoyable, but he's way of thinking is so different then mines. He is very conservative, a bit homophobic and very intelligent. He can also be very emotionally detached and his sense of humor is very dark. He ended up being what I have types him, an ISTJ.

    Our personalities, ideals and ways of thinking are almost exactly opposite of each other yet we have been able to become very good friends despite our differences. Could this be the ''opposites attract'' version of friendship?

    So the question is, Do you ever find yourself befriending those who have opposite characteristics of what you posses. If so how close are said friendships and do they usually last long?


     
    #1 Raccoon Love, Sep 26, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2010
  2. Daeledin

    Daeledin <font color=#575EC1>NVs Fanboi</font>

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    Sounds exactly like my roommate, sans the dark humor part and replace it with redneck and country boy humor. Of course we live in cowboy country so thats to be expected. We've been great friends for three years and roommates for two. In fact he is tied with another of my great friends for the title of best friend.

    But yes. I do have quite a few friends that are different than me. I'd have to. Especially considering my personality and quirks are a rare breed and most people I live around are opposite me and similar to each other. When it comes down to it though it depends on how powerful their personality is and whether we both want to be in each others' presence. Either out of curiosity or love for traits outside our own domain.

    A benefit of this kind of friendship is how much you can change from having it. Your influence waxes off on him, and his does so on you if you're not conscious about it. I've known my roommate to become more conscientious, intuitive, and empathetic since he has hung around me. On the other hand I've gotten more cahonnes; I stand up for myself and can throw down with people better since I've known him. I've also embraced my inner farm kid and 'redneck' (the real and respectable kind, and yes that exists).
     
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    #2 Daeledin, Sep 26, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2010
  3. Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    I don't really have any friends anymore.

    I made a few in work, but people leave and move on, and all my childhood friends kindof got bored of me when I became cold and quiet.

    Psh, and I never speak to anyone in Uni.

    So not much to add.

    Although, Daeyl is a farm kid?Ю.ю
     
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  4. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I like people who are opposite of me. I rarely click with people who have similar personalities with me.
    People who are similar to me almost annoy me, actually. I tend to really like either really normal or status-quo people or really controversial and immoral people.
    I don't know. I think this is because I like novelty and I like working to understand people and marveling at the differences between us. Plus I like the idea of changing people's minds.

    Also, there is an element of safety there (for me at least) because I feel a comfortable distance from them in our difference.
    That's weird!! Oh well.

    But if I'm going to be honest, I'm not very close with people who are very different from me, despite being more interested in interacting with them and liking them more.
    When it comes down to it-- sharing the same values and ideals with a person is what helps to deepen a friendship...
    Disagreeing on what is most important to one another--the issues and ideals closest to your heart can be a major stumbling block for any relationship. After awhile, you need more to run on than novelty.
    My novelty relationships tend to peacefully disintegrate over the years. There's only one instance where it was not very peaceable, and that was because this person had a real knack for being offensive and crude (which amused me when it was benign.. but metastasized to cruelty and that I couldn't tolerate.) and I've got a knack for being sentimental.

    I hope it works out for you though. I'm interested to see how it all pans out in a few months.
     
    #4 acd, Sep 27, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2010
  5. Ethereal

    Ethereal Regular Poster

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    Only once has this happened with me, a few years ago I met a guy who is as extrovert and outgoing as it is possible to be. He was an actor and singer with some success. He really liked me and said he found me fascinating and refreshing, so vastly different to the literally thousands of people he had met and knew. He learnt a lot about introversion and psychiatric disorders from me, and I learnt how to not be so judgemental of extroverts and people in general from him. He was a lot of fun and helped me through an extremely difficult time in my life, we had a very good platonic friendship.

    The downside was that I often felt exhausted after seeing him, and he needed a lot of stimulation, he had to get out and mix and socialize every day whereas I was just happy to stay in and not leave the house for days on end. The other thing was that despite his great effort to understand, he wasn't able to fully grasp how I am and I sometimes felt like he was trying to change me, that I'd eventually become more sociable etc and he occasionally invalidated my feelings and opinions. I also got very embarrassed in public with him because he talked and laughed so loudly and would approach anyone, he drew attention to us which I found mortifying.

    Overall though, he was very kindhearted and genuine, I owe him a lot and he helped me to see that beauty can be found in ALL personality types, and all sorts of people come into our lives for a reason.
     
  6. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    I'm pretty good friends with my old roommate whom is a ISTJ. we have our rough patches but were good otherwise.
     
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