first post, seeking some INFJ advice. College student uneasiness! | INFJ Forum

first post, seeking some INFJ advice. College student uneasiness!


Mar 29, 2009
hi guys! first poster here :) i'm a long time lurker, i've finally decided to join this wonderful forum as i am in need of some help of my own. after reading so many threads here, i've concluded that we INFJ's are really the best at helping each other out! i really hope i've posted this in the appropriate category, if not i apologize for that.

i'm a freshman at a small college (about 1700 students) in boston. my first semester here was enjoyable, though i did found myself having some thoughts about whether i could see myself here for a whole four years within the first weeks. i'm a psychology major, and it is something i'm very very passionate and serious about. while i'm in school, being in a place where i can the most experience and preparation i possibly can is of utmost importance to me.
my second semester here has been a different story. since its beginning, i've been having a lot of ups and downs, my beloved cat passed away, increased friend drama/fighting and general unhappiness with things around me. i've made a cool, close circle of friends at this school but am now realizing that those are actually the only people i really am in contact/hang around with here. i feel like i've kind of isolated myself, and its the worst feeling ever. i think this is an introvert thing, but do any of you find that you always tend to make a small circle of friends and lose touch with others outside that circle? seeing the same faces around everyday has began to nauseate me and bring back memories of high school. i feel like making new friends at this point seems like a daunting task, everyone here seems to be in their own social circle and the fact that this school has such a small student body isn't helping me either. i have this constant feeling of almost..suffocation. like i can't spread my wings. i could be wrong, but the vibe i get here is that student involvement here isn't that great which is of importance to me. at the beginning of the year, i was very excited for the first meeting of art club and found the attendance dropping each meeting to about 3 people...
this week, the idea of transferring to a new, bigger school (one still in boston) dawned on me once again and i've really been giving this thought. i decided i'm going to attend next (fall) semester at my current school, and possibly apply for a mid-year transfer. i know this is a rational plan, but the idea of now knowing what i'm doing is racking my brain! i just feel very non-secure in life and its bringing me down. my N is really working on me here, i have this deep inner feeling that something else awaits me. this feeling of needing to just get out. the other side is me is just so unsure and worried about whats really right for me, how well an INFJ like me would fare in a school of say 20,000 students. i keep having this future image of myself at a different school being miserable and regretting my decision, yet at the same time i have this feeling that this is just something where i need to say fuck it and just do it.
since this is my first time posting, i'd just like to tell you all that i'm basically a poster child of many an infj description out there. witholding, reserved but sociable, etc. for any of you who attended a larger college/university, how well did you find it to suit your needs/personality? how do you deal with that feeling of uncertainty, or when things in your life are rocky?
any and all advice on my situation would be so so appreciated. i know this is probably long, to those who read, thanks a bunch.
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hey hey :) as far as dealing with rocky periods goes, sometimes you've just got to ride it out. as long as you are aware of what's happening to you internally and remain so you have a better chance of getting through it and learning from it. i'm not personally in a large university so i can't offer you anything on that front but i have always had a small circle of friends who i have stuck with through thick and thin, with other people coming in and out of my life at various periods. i have made peace with that and the fact that sometimes it can be lonely but you can feel just as lonely when you're surrounded by mere aquaintences. if you are feeling that unsettled at present surely a move couldn't make it much worse and if you're staying in the same state i presume it will be easier for you to keep in contact with the ppl you've made friends with already. did you feel isolated before you went to college? maybe you had on some level hoped that the situation would change and maybe you're so unsettled because it doesn't seem to be working out that way? have you thought about maybe looking into volunteer work in the area that's not linked with college? could be a good way to broaden your social circle and give yourself a bit of a lift in general.
I've always had a small circle of friends and I nkow that isolated feeling it sucks. Yeah you should totally try volunteering. I never have time but I think it would be fun. Don't get down on groups losing attendance, groups are just like that. I have to run one like that :m142: it's so hard to stay positive about it. I'm totally insecure about my life all the time, but I try not to think about it. I don't know if it's an INFJ thing, but I find it really hard just to do stuff in my life just for me. SO I'm always doubting whether I should be doing what I am. However, Sometimes you just have to try stuff out and see where it goes. I'm currently in a big university but I like the anonymity, because otherwise I wouldn't get my work done, but I'm not full time. If I was it would totally drive me insane because I would never interact with anyone. LOL now that I think about it, I totally did that group thing when I first started university and boy was that a mistake. It only made me realize how different I was from everyone else. If feeling this disconnectedness is the only reason your going to switch schools, I wouldn't. Because no matter how much you think it's going to be different I find, it's usually the same. I think you need to find a way to fill yourself instead of relying on people around you to do it. I always do that and it's always bad. SO *hugs*, and good luck.:m032:
I went to a small school - probably around 2,000 students. I loved it. The campus was a mile long, lots of green spaces between buildings, ah memories! ^_^ I've attached a pic of memory lane. This is outside one of the dorms. The school was a great fit for me, I learend so much, and even learned to emulate extroversion a bit, which was a big help! Hope you find an awesome community there!


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