Family, love, detachment, independence, etc.

[starshine]

Frankly, I do not know what to title this, it's really some thoughts I've had that I need to convey and I would appreciate any feedback or personal anecdotes as pertinent.

I love my family, but they drive me nuts. When I am back in my hometown I feel suffocated. I prefer the solitude and simplicity I have found while living at college and upon graduation I have chosen to stay in my present city and continue working. My mother (esfj) has expressed clear sadness and often wavers on guilt-tripping me when I do not regularly call or contact her. I love her very much and do make an effort to communicate with her (calls at least once every two weeks, letters, email, etc) but I do not need to experience regular communication or 'see' her to love her- this is the same for the rest of my family.

I need my solitude and simple lifestyle but I reflect on my isolation from my family. I see them on holidays and, as mentioned above, communicate with them in some means in the mean time. I feel bad about preferring to be alone rather than in the same city and in constant contact with them, and I feel like I not loving them by wanting to move away and pursue my dreams. However, I have come to believe that perhaps my desire isn't innately wrong- maybe society or familial ideas have skewed my perception of what is 'right' to feel.

Do any of you have similar feelings? Thoughts?

 

[aerosol]

Yeah, I can relate to this. My mom is an esfj, too.

Hmm... I don't have much else to say other than that I can relate. You're not wrong in wanting to live the lifestyle you have right now, and you shouldn't feel badly about it. I think you're doing the right thing.

I moved away, I moved to a different continent, haha. Can you imagine my mom's attempts at guilt tripping me?

Sidenote, I will answer your email when I get a chance. Probably once finals are over.

 

[Kgal]

Oh my... I was just on the phone with a friend saying how much I hate Mother's Day (and Father's day as well). My mother still doesn't get the fact I do not need to be around them/her as much as she'd like. My sister finally got it and defended me to my Mom a few months back. She declared - that was just they I was...that I've always been that way. I was so happy at least my sister finally gets me.
So I can very much relate to what you are saying. I love my family dearly - but when I'm with them all together I have to take breaks from them for a long time to recuperate. They don't understand because I act so happy when I'm with them. I make them laugh, have intelligent conservations with any and all of them, and generally make everyone feel comfortable. Who wouldn't want me around all the time. Hahahahaha.... But I can't stand it for more than one day. And then I go months and months without seeing them. Mom did a huge guilt trip on me back in January saying it killed her that I didn't come visit more often. Sigh... I told her I understood and I was sorry she was hurting. But I did not make apologies for my behavior. I think she's starting to get the picture. My problem with family began when I moved back home about 11 years ago. [shoulda never done that :doh:]
I have explained myself to everyone as being the Weird one in the family and I laugh. Most of the older ones accept this about me and the younger ones are becoming more aware of that aspect of me.
It'll take time - but keep your boundaries in place. They'll get used to it.
In the meantime - I'm plotting my escape. :lol:

 

[bickelz]

I get this too. I come home from school and then just get ordered around.