I came here to moan about falling for an INFJ on another thread but realized you guys might be able to help me with another INFJ issue that is very important to me. Insight is really needed.
I have a grad student (INFJ male) who is currently sort of failing in a big way. He has Major Depressive Disorder (diagnosed). He has disclosed to me that he feels like he is sliding backwards. I have given him the support and advice I know to be useful in that situation.
The stress of our work has become overwhelming. Without too much of a reveal- we as scientists are neck deep in the research the world is desperate for at the moment. He also has a confidence problem and still, at an advanced point in his training- is reluctant to take charge of his own work and direct the way it is flowing. This is essential for his career.
Yesterday, because I drove him forward to try and give him a boost- we got somewhere in answering an important question. But at the same time my drive unintentionally revealed in front of the group, a major oversight he had made that wasted a lot of time and resources. I called him out on it because it was a major lesson both he and the other students needed. It wasn’t too bad but I know he is really sensitive and I feel bad about it. I was trained in a dog eat dog environment and my reaction was instinctive. It needed to happen but I now need to figure out how to repair this, as being revealed is his biggest fear. I know his dreams and we are uniquely positioned in this moment to set him up for everything he’s dreamed of- but he seems mired in quick sand.
I KNOW he has the capacity, but I can’t seem to get him rolling forward right now and it is critical that he does. He seems really stuck and immobile. He knows we are a bit frustrated with him. He knows he needs to take a big leap forward. He knows we have accomplished this before, he and I together have gotten him over other hurdles. He knows I really care what happens to him. He knows I won’t accept excuses. How to I get to him? How do I reach him and get him to let me guide him past this one. Last time he wasn’t mired in self loathing. This time I fear he is, worse I think he has developed a resentment that he should have to.
My students mean a lot to me. I’ll do anything to support and get them where they want to go. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
I have a grad student (INFJ male) who is currently sort of failing in a big way. He has Major Depressive Disorder (diagnosed). He has disclosed to me that he feels like he is sliding backwards. I have given him the support and advice I know to be useful in that situation.
The stress of our work has become overwhelming. Without too much of a reveal- we as scientists are neck deep in the research the world is desperate for at the moment. He also has a confidence problem and still, at an advanced point in his training- is reluctant to take charge of his own work and direct the way it is flowing. This is essential for his career.
Yesterday, because I drove him forward to try and give him a boost- we got somewhere in answering an important question. But at the same time my drive unintentionally revealed in front of the group, a major oversight he had made that wasted a lot of time and resources. I called him out on it because it was a major lesson both he and the other students needed. It wasn’t too bad but I know he is really sensitive and I feel bad about it. I was trained in a dog eat dog environment and my reaction was instinctive. It needed to happen but I now need to figure out how to repair this, as being revealed is his biggest fear. I know his dreams and we are uniquely positioned in this moment to set him up for everything he’s dreamed of- but he seems mired in quick sand.
I KNOW he has the capacity, but I can’t seem to get him rolling forward right now and it is critical that he does. He seems really stuck and immobile. He knows we are a bit frustrated with him. He knows he needs to take a big leap forward. He knows we have accomplished this before, he and I together have gotten him over other hurdles. He knows I really care what happens to him. He knows I won’t accept excuses. How to I get to him? How do I reach him and get him to let me guide him past this one. Last time he wasn’t mired in self loathing. This time I fear he is, worse I think he has developed a resentment that he should have to.
My students mean a lot to me. I’ll do anything to support and get them where they want to go. Advice would be greatly appreciated.