Extrovert INFJ? | INFJ Forum

Extrovert INFJ?

INFJok

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Nov 27, 2012
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I've seen or read on forums somewhere that INFJs secretly wish to be extroverts-I guess to seem more engrossed with the outside world, but I think sometimes being extroverted can also cause people to be superficial at times. So can an INFJ lose themselves trying to be extroverted?
 
I work at a hotel, front desk. I kind of have to be extroverted at times. It doesn't cause much of a mental strain or anything for me, at least that I can tell. I'm not as good as some of the other workers at multitasking, and thus not nearly the best with check-ins and check-outs, but I'm one of the best when dealing specifically with a guest and making them happy. Outside of the work environment, I honestly can't stand parties. I go to a few youth group outings, but I generally hang around one or two others, or I just eat my pizza and leave after the short message. I don't really have that much of an inclination to go out and be extroverted towards anyone, except in times where I feel like I need to help them, or at least show them I care.
 
I've seen or read on forums somewhere that INFJs secretly wish to be extroverts-I guess to seem more engrossed with the outside world, but I think sometimes being extroverted can also cause people to be superficial at times. So can an INFJ lose themselves trying to be extroverted?

Well, THIS infj does NOT secretly wish to be anything else, least of all an extrovert. In my line of work, I extrovert enough already. But for every hour that I spend 'extroverting', I need a lot of me-time. So can an infj "lose" himself/herself? If by losing, you mean losing the sense of being oneself, then yes!
 
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I used to believe in some idealized, extroverted possible self that I strived to become, especially when I was younger. I thought being introverted and shy was a problem, but now I know it's just who I am and I like it. I value being alone and being able to have a rich, inner world.
 
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I've seen or read on forums somewhere that INFJs secretly wish to be extroverts-I guess to seem more engrossed with the outside world, but I think sometimes being extroverted can also cause people to be superficial at times. So can an INFJ lose themselves trying to be extroverted?

Maybe newer and younger INFJs secretly wish because they have not settled into their functions yet and lack more knowledge about themselves and their personality. Society and family pressures will also derail INFJs from seeing their true nature. True INFJs do not need the feel to be extroverted; but they do understand the need to develop their extroverted function to assimilate into their environment better. The most instinctual and natural realm of INFJs is their rich inner life.
 
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INFJs tend to be the most extrovert-like of the introverts simply because their Fe leads them reach out to others. They're not your typical loud, outspoken extrovert but they do have a genuine interest in people and like to be with them, even if its just means being the quiet observer in the group. They like to do nice things for others (bring coffee and treats to a meeting, send a friend a quote they think that friend might like, offer to drop someone off at home) and they never forget a birthday or an anniversary and are always ready and willing to help. INFJs excel in one-on-one interactions and in small groups, though it's not unusual to see them take the lead in a larger group should they be called upon. I don't know if that's a result of a 'secret longing' for extroversion because they believe that extroversion will help them better interact with people (which they love dealing with) or because it's just a natural extension of the Fe-function. Either way, INFJs like people and want to understand them, thus they don't have the same requirements for quiet processing the way other introverts do.

Whatever social interaction preferences you have (introvert or extrovert) you will eventually find a balance between the two as you develop and mature all your functions. You only get stuck in extreme introversion or extreme extroversion if you're stuck in an unhealthy, cognitive behavioural loop. For introverts, for example, the warning signs tend to be isolation, over-thinking and avoidance behaviors. It's okay to want 'me time' but playing hermit for too long will have detrimental effects. For extroverts, the warning signs are co-dependent and projecting behaviours and a tendency to overbook oneself. It's great to have all this energy and ambition, but it's also important to give yourself a chance to relax and recharge. The goal for each type is always balance.
 
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INFJs tend to be the most extrovert-like of the introverts, simply because their Fe leads them reach out to others and what makes them so people-oriented. They excel in one-on-one interactions and in small groups, though it's not unusual to see them take the lead in a larger group should they be called upon. I don't know if that's a result of a 'secret longing' for extroversion because they believe that extroversion will help them better interact with people (which they love dealing with) or because it's just a natural extension of the Fe-function.

I'd say - for me - I do it not because I enjoy socializing with people, or talking a lot. I enjoy helping people. Thus, I am required to talk to them.
 
I think my family thinks I'm unbalanced because they always mention how I'm hermit-like and suggest places to go!:m049:
 
Trust me, I know the feeling. "Youth group is going bowling, wanna go?" No. "But it's free pizza!" Alright, bring me back a slice. "Come on, it'll be fun, and you know it." No, I suck at bowling, and I'm 18, dangit. I don't want to listen to the he-said-she-said of other college students.
 
I think my family thinks I'm unbalanced because they always mention how I'm hermit-like and suggest places to go!:m049:

Depends where they're suggesting you go. If they're telling you to go out to parties and social galas, that might not be as appealing to your Fe as say, going out with a couple of friends that you feel comfortable with or going to volunteer for a cause you believe in and engaging your compassion. It should be something that speaks to you, and I'd encourage you to find out what that is if you haven't found it yet. Our comfort zone is a nice place, but we don't do much growing if we hang out there for too long. Isolation can breed social anxiety (or worsen it).
 
I tend to score close to 50% on the introversion/extroversion metric, but always leaning to the introversion side. I think the truth is that I'm a little schizophrenic, I'm pretty sure I'm introverted most of the time, but I can appear very extroverted other times.

I find it easy to be outgoing and enthusiastic if I'm giving a talk to an audience, or if I'm volunteering and my role involves talking to people and helping them out. I've loved the few teaching experiences I've had, and I think I'm quite good at engaging people at a bake sale stand, or when handing out flyers etc.

With my friends and loved ones, I have no trouble being bubbly and outspoken... I trust them and i feel like I can be myself. Quite a few of them are introverted too and I have no issue just hanging out in each others presence in comfortable silence (eg one person one the computer and one reading) punctuated by occasional updates on funny/interesting things we ve read/seen. Equally I love one on one discussions over coffee or brunch and hearing about my friends lives, talking through issues, giving each other advice etc.

But that's where my comfortable social interactions end... I don't feel extroverted with my colleagues or with big groups of people. I feel quite inept at being part of the conversation, it feels like by the time I've thought about what to say the time to say it has gone and when I do say it they re not on the same wavelength at me. I find it hard to open up and I feel like they re only ever going to see the surface. It just so happened a colleague bumped into me when I was volunteering at a museum and giving a talk to about 20 people about a science topic - she seemed very surprised at how comfortable and bubbly I was then, compared to how I am at work. I think I come across as either stupidly shy or slightly aloof.

So... I think I'm 'extroverted' around good friends and complete strangers whom I'm unlikely to see again, but I'm introverted around acquaintances and everyone else. Hard to know who the real me is! Is that part of being an INFJ?
 
I tend to score close to 50% on the introversion/extroversion metric, but always leaning to the introversion side. I think the truth is that I'm a little schizophrenic, I'm pretty sure I'm introverted most of the time, but I can appear very extroverted other times.

I find it easy to be outgoing and enthusiastic if I'm giving a talk to an audience, or if I'm volunteering and my role involves talking to people and helping them out. I've loved the few teaching experiences I've had, and I think I'm quite good at engaging people at a bake sale stand, or when handing out flyers etc.

With my friends and loved ones, I have no trouble being bubbly and outspoken... I trust them and i feel like I can be myself. Quite a few of them are introverted too and I have no issue just hanging out in each others presence in comfortable silence (eg one person one the computer and one reading) punctuated by occasional updates on funny/interesting things we ve read/seen. Equally I love one on one discussions over coffee or brunch and hearing about my friends lives, talking through issues, giving each other advice etc.

But that's where my comfortable social interactions end... I don't feel extroverted with my colleagues or with big groups of people. I feel quite inept at being part of the conversation, it feels like by the time I've thought about what to say the time to say it has gone and when I do say it they re not on the same wavelength at me. I find it hard to open up and I feel like they re only ever going to see the surface. It just so happened a colleague bumped into me when I was volunteering at a museum and giving a talk to about 20 people about a science topic - she seemed very surprised at how comfortable and bubbly I was then, compared to how I am at work. I think I come across as either stupidly shy or slightly aloof.

So... I think I'm 'extroverted' around good friends and complete strangers whom I'm unlikely to see again, but I'm introverted around acquaintances and everyone else. Hard to know who the real me is! Is that part of being an INFJ?


Yes, that's your Fe kicking in! When your Fe takes place, you enjoy interacting with people but when you need your private moments you withdraw and become an introvert again, which will confuse other people!