How close can/should a healthy adult friendship be and what does it look like?
For new friendships, I tend to go about them lightly. Observe how much they are willing to put into the friendship, and work from there. Some only need communication/hanging out occasionally while others aquire much more attention.. which tends to wear me out if I don't have common interests.
For my longer closer adult relationships, I'm very close. We share everything. But these friendships have been maintained for longer than 5 years. From an outside view you'd think we were related I suppose.
Can some of you give examples of how you've made this work/handled disappointments?
I'd like to think of myself as a consistent friend. There may be times where we dont talk for months due to life situations, etc, but when we start talking again, its like there was never a gap. I don't expect them to be there for me whenever I need them, etc. It's nice when they can be. I've been disappointed in the past, not in the friendship itself, but the trust between each other. I don't gossip, I don't give out personal information, and I expect the same. There's no personal gain, and its a huge annoyance to me. Depending on the severity of the situation, I'll either continue the friendship, giving them a clear understanding of my expectations, or I'll leave them in the wind.
I feel like it can be dangerous to have high expectations of a friend when the level of commitment isn't backed up by any labels. The word friend describes a wide range of relationships.
I agree. But you also have to consider what situation they are in. Are they away from family and close friends? Do they have a good amount of other friends nearby to socialize with? If yes to both, they probably won't need much interaction or commitment to the friendship. They may just be open to meet new people and slowly build the friendship from there. If not, they may need a friend who is more available. It really depends on alot of factors. And it's not like you can just ask them (unless you're blunt). I will commit to a friendship as much as the other will.
For new friendships, I tend to go about them lightly. Observe how much they are willing to put into the friendship, and work from there. Some only need communication/hanging out occasionally while others aquire much more attention.. which tends to wear me out if I don't have common interests.
For my longer closer adult relationships, I'm very close. We share everything. But these friendships have been maintained for longer than 5 years. From an outside view you'd think we were related I suppose.
Can some of you give examples of how you've made this work/handled disappointments?
I'd like to think of myself as a consistent friend. There may be times where we dont talk for months due to life situations, etc, but when we start talking again, its like there was never a gap. I don't expect them to be there for me whenever I need them, etc. It's nice when they can be. I've been disappointed in the past, not in the friendship itself, but the trust between each other. I don't gossip, I don't give out personal information, and I expect the same. There's no personal gain, and its a huge annoyance to me. Depending on the severity of the situation, I'll either continue the friendship, giving them a clear understanding of my expectations, or I'll leave them in the wind.
I feel like it can be dangerous to have high expectations of a friend when the level of commitment isn't backed up by any labels. The word friend describes a wide range of relationships.
I agree. But you also have to consider what situation they are in. Are they away from family and close friends? Do they have a good amount of other friends nearby to socialize with? If yes to both, they probably won't need much interaction or commitment to the friendship. They may just be open to meet new people and slowly build the friendship from there. If not, they may need a friend who is more available. It really depends on alot of factors. And it's not like you can just ask them (unless you're blunt). I will commit to a friendship as much as the other will.
