Everyone's confidant and no one's friend. | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Everyone's confidant and no one's friend.

What do you mean by scarecrows?
 
Ahh...I didn't know if they meant something similar to straw men though.
Like, they never opened up to people would but would by analogy or a lesser version.

Being disingenuous basically.

I still don't know what they did, though. Even your elaboration doesn't add much.
 
Nixie said:
The piece I always find lacking in these type of threads is the acknowledgement that you teach other's how to treat you. If you don't insist on having your needs met and allow someone to take and take from you....how is it all their fault? Of course, the basic counter to that argument is....but I do, and they don't listen....and my argument is still...and yet, you continue along like it is alright. There is only one person who can change the inequality or perceived inequality in a relationship, and that is the person who has the problem. Barring that, you have to learn to see that you gain something from this type of exchange and try and find out what that is.
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This is a lesson I've learned quite concretely in the past year.

I definitely have started speaking up more, and I've lost a friend or 2. When I think back to those relationships, I realize I never made my voice heard in the beginning, and when I started to, the dynamics changed to allow me to see we weren't good as friends anyway. It was no one's fault in particular, just how we learn and grow.

Nothing wrong with being an assertive person and still being able to have compassion for others.
 
Yup, happens to me all the time... Before I used to feel kind of honoured that someone would trust me with such private secrets but now I am starting to think, what's the point? It is quite exhausting and makes me feel quite lonely afterwards but... It is not that I want to be alone, I guess I just don't know how to involve myself more with other people's lives so that they would see me more as a full-time friend?
 
[MENTION=9350]sentientsixpence[/MENTION] I think you need friends who are around your level of intelligence. I get the feeling people feel stupid around you... And most people have big egos which would hurt because of this.
 
ThisIsWhoIAm said:
[MENTION=9350]sentientsixpence[/MENTION] I think you need friends who are around your level of intelligence. I get the feeling people feel stupid around you... And most people have big egos which would hurt because of this.
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I have had some say they like talking to me because I am so intelligent but have had others actually say I was too intelligent. I am not nearly as intelligent as I seem. Maybe this is what I should work on. I suppose I've been so annoyed with people who do this. It's not just a matter of humility--you have to be a real airhead to make some people comfortable around you... or pursuing you.
 
Yes, I experience this too. Everyone comes to me for advice or to bare their heart and be comforted but I find there is no one like that for me. I also find that most of the women friends I have tend to be younger than I am, these days, and seem to view me as an alternate mother figure. Which is lovely, and I do love being there to hear their troubles and offer what help can, but I used to have FRIENDS in days past and I miss that.
 
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