Hi, new here to INFJs, but a sorta seasoned vet of MBTI.
I come here because I have questions about an ENTP. This story is LOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG, so I'm going to try and keep it as short as possible.
I met this ENTP lady on the post end of my last relationship, about a year ago. We hit it off, talking for hours everyday. Her semester started, and a few days before I was going to go abroad to study, she invited me to her dorm room. We drank a bit, and right before we were about to do the dirty (she was naked on top of me), I stopped her. I told her I liked her a lot, and IME, sex too early in a relationship = doom.
She respected this decision.
I go abroad. She seems to still take a liking to me. Then, I essentially have an existential crisis abroad, weird things happen to me, I end up in Shadow function mode for a while. About a month in to my trip (I was, admittedly, coming off a little intense for the ENTP), she messaged me on Facebook saying "I don't want a relationship with you, you're too intense, I don't trust you" yadda yadda. We don't talk for about 4 months, I delete her from social networking, she gets with other guys, I had a couple of other "almost" relationships.
I get back to the States. We follow each other on Twitter, and she "Favorites" some tweets, and starts some "arguments" with me on Twitter. Whatever.
I go back to school to visit my roommates, and see her at the bar. She's been drinking, I've been drinking, I go to talk to her, she acts INCREDIBLY snarky. Next day, she messages me apologizing for how she acted.
We start talking again, but she's guarded. After a while, she slowly lets her defenses down, and (after asking her, maybe, 3 times), she OKs a hang out. We were going to go to a haunted house together.
Day before, she gets a concussion. She invites me over to her dorm room. She JUST woke up from a nap, but she has gum in her mouth (hmmm.....). As soon as I walk in, she spits gum out, undoes hair (hmmmm......)
I do nothing. We talk. I leave. We reschedule haunted house for 2 weeks later.
A few days before we go, I drive up to school to hang out with her. We were supposed to do some yoga in her room, but she says "that's not going to happen" b/c her "friend heard male voices" and whatever. We drive around. She must have said "friend" 20 times.
I drop her off. A day before haunted house, I tell her I'm no longer taking her b/c feelings are still strong for me, and I think it's best we just keep an intellectual, online relationship. She appreciated the honesty, but was disappointed about not going to haunted house. She responded: "awwww [first name], that was the most honest, genuine thing anyone has ever said to me. If it'll help you, I'll leave you alone."
After a while of no talking, our conversations have accelerated. She initiates almost EVERYTHING. She sends me lots of links, songs she likes, movies she's watching, EVERYTHING. We have a lot of "real" talks about life and careers too. She even told me she's considering joining my organization (a national organization, so we COULD be stationed in the same city, but not definitely).
I told her there was something I wanted to do in February, but it's far away and no one wanted to go with me. She said "PICK ME PICK ME." We're going together, it seems.
The other day, she messages me saying "you presume so much about me it infuriates me." It was regarding a post on PerC that was TECHNICALLY about her, but she blew it up (it wasn't mean or offensive). We hashed that out over the course of a day, and she cooled down BIG time. By the end of the fight, it was as if we were best friends, talking about personal things and what not. BUT, given that fight, we decided to look at our friendship and where we stood. I said "perhaps we shouldn't be friends, I need to think about it." That was 2 days ago. Today, I messaged her saying how I, at first, didn't think we should be friends, then came across a John Lennon quote about honesty, and realized that, overall although I'm an honest person, I find myself being ESPECIALLY honest to her b/c I trust her, and I really value her, and I want to continue the friendship. Then, I wished her a happy Christmas. All she responded was: HAHAHA Merry Christmas Eve, [My First Name]. It just seemed SO generic.
Some people tell me the fight was the "straw that broke the camel's back," other people told me that it probably made her fall even deeper (considering she was willing to negotiate and still be friends).
I know there are A LOT of other guys pursuing her, but I doubt she has gotten as close with them as she has me (or, at the very least, I have the illusion that we are close). An ENFP female friend and INTJ male friend both tell me she DEFINITELY likes me, but wants to take it INCREDIBLY slow with me. I just don't know what to make of all this. She's incredibly worth it to me, but I don't want to spend ANOTHER year on her, if that's what it's going to take. The ENFP (who is in her 40s) told me that I'm handling this BEAUTIFULLY, and I should remain SLIGHTLY detached and sometimes engaged, let her lead the way, and go for the home-run in February.
Thoughts?
For what it's worth, she's 21, I'm 23.
I come here because I have questions about an ENTP. This story is LOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG, so I'm going to try and keep it as short as possible.
I met this ENTP lady on the post end of my last relationship, about a year ago. We hit it off, talking for hours everyday. Her semester started, and a few days before I was going to go abroad to study, she invited me to her dorm room. We drank a bit, and right before we were about to do the dirty (she was naked on top of me), I stopped her. I told her I liked her a lot, and IME, sex too early in a relationship = doom.
She respected this decision.
I go abroad. She seems to still take a liking to me. Then, I essentially have an existential crisis abroad, weird things happen to me, I end up in Shadow function mode for a while. About a month in to my trip (I was, admittedly, coming off a little intense for the ENTP), she messaged me on Facebook saying "I don't want a relationship with you, you're too intense, I don't trust you" yadda yadda. We don't talk for about 4 months, I delete her from social networking, she gets with other guys, I had a couple of other "almost" relationships.
I get back to the States. We follow each other on Twitter, and she "Favorites" some tweets, and starts some "arguments" with me on Twitter. Whatever.
I go back to school to visit my roommates, and see her at the bar. She's been drinking, I've been drinking, I go to talk to her, she acts INCREDIBLY snarky. Next day, she messages me apologizing for how she acted.
We start talking again, but she's guarded. After a while, she slowly lets her defenses down, and (after asking her, maybe, 3 times), she OKs a hang out. We were going to go to a haunted house together.
Day before, she gets a concussion. She invites me over to her dorm room. She JUST woke up from a nap, but she has gum in her mouth (hmmm.....). As soon as I walk in, she spits gum out, undoes hair (hmmmm......)
I do nothing. We talk. I leave. We reschedule haunted house for 2 weeks later.
A few days before we go, I drive up to school to hang out with her. We were supposed to do some yoga in her room, but she says "that's not going to happen" b/c her "friend heard male voices" and whatever. We drive around. She must have said "friend" 20 times.
I drop her off. A day before haunted house, I tell her I'm no longer taking her b/c feelings are still strong for me, and I think it's best we just keep an intellectual, online relationship. She appreciated the honesty, but was disappointed about not going to haunted house. She responded: "awwww [first name], that was the most honest, genuine thing anyone has ever said to me. If it'll help you, I'll leave you alone."
After a while of no talking, our conversations have accelerated. She initiates almost EVERYTHING. She sends me lots of links, songs she likes, movies she's watching, EVERYTHING. We have a lot of "real" talks about life and careers too. She even told me she's considering joining my organization (a national organization, so we COULD be stationed in the same city, but not definitely).
I told her there was something I wanted to do in February, but it's far away and no one wanted to go with me. She said "PICK ME PICK ME." We're going together, it seems.
The other day, she messages me saying "you presume so much about me it infuriates me." It was regarding a post on PerC that was TECHNICALLY about her, but she blew it up (it wasn't mean or offensive). We hashed that out over the course of a day, and she cooled down BIG time. By the end of the fight, it was as if we were best friends, talking about personal things and what not. BUT, given that fight, we decided to look at our friendship and where we stood. I said "perhaps we shouldn't be friends, I need to think about it." That was 2 days ago. Today, I messaged her saying how I, at first, didn't think we should be friends, then came across a John Lennon quote about honesty, and realized that, overall although I'm an honest person, I find myself being ESPECIALLY honest to her b/c I trust her, and I really value her, and I want to continue the friendship. Then, I wished her a happy Christmas. All she responded was: HAHAHA Merry Christmas Eve, [My First Name]. It just seemed SO generic.
Some people tell me the fight was the "straw that broke the camel's back," other people told me that it probably made her fall even deeper (considering she was willing to negotiate and still be friends).
I know there are A LOT of other guys pursuing her, but I doubt she has gotten as close with them as she has me (or, at the very least, I have the illusion that we are close). An ENFP female friend and INTJ male friend both tell me she DEFINITELY likes me, but wants to take it INCREDIBLY slow with me. I just don't know what to make of all this. She's incredibly worth it to me, but I don't want to spend ANOTHER year on her, if that's what it's going to take. The ENFP (who is in her 40s) told me that I'm handling this BEAUTIFULLY, and I should remain SLIGHTLY detached and sometimes engaged, let her lead the way, and go for the home-run in February.
Thoughts?
For what it's worth, she's 21, I'm 23.
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