Hey guys, I am in dire need of advise here.
So, I am an INTP/ENTP and I started talking to this INFJ about 9 months ago. We were nothing more than friends and it was nice to have someone to chat with every once in a while. Time passed and I noticed that she was trying to get me to open up and change me for some reason. I was genuinely scared and so I started opening up because I felt like it was a genuine interest of good friendship. Some more time passed and we became very good friends. We had similar interests like philosophy, psychology etc. and we used to talk a lot. Chats became more and more frequent and then I found myself thinking too much bout her. Fast forward, I started to like her a lot. We were in the same university and had talked only talked over chat during our first semester. When we were called to campus as COVID normalized, she approached me and tried to talk. I totally dissed her because I knew had feelings for her so I would fall head over heals and it would ruin the friendship. After 2 or 3 weeks, I realized that she was worth it and so I did it. I called her on the campus stairs at night and confessed by saying "I like you". We were both silent for a while and it was clear to me that she was not expecting this. Then she was like, "I don't even know you...You don't even know me" so I simply said that I want to. Then she told me that she liked someone else and that it was mutual. And that should have been it but it wasn't. Then we talked for about an hour and we left. I went back, cried a lot. Even next day I was crying alone in the empty lab. Then she called me to have a walk. Then I got to know her over the walk a little more. We started to talk more frequently and I had lost my mental peace after that. I was always doing some of her work just to get her some free time to talk to me. My grades came down, I stopped spending time with my friends and I didn't mind cause it was all for her. I just wanted to be good friends cause I knew how it would feel to the other guy and so she got me his consent as well. We both wanted serious partners and I knew if anything, I want her to be one of my close friends at least once I get my degree. Any possibility of future with her would only be seen after that depending on which paths we choose. She had many brother-like friends in the campus and one off them used to stay in the same hostel as her. They were close and all and then she called me one day asking I thought of her and her brother-like friend. I just told what I did and she told me that she was actually in love with him. He confessed 20 days after I did and he knew about my side. It was again mutual but it didn't feel right. I tried to be as supportive as I could but it was my breaking point. I told her that in the 2 months that I had spent, my attraction has only increased. And then I said that I love her. She was like, I know but I love him. I was absolutely heartbroken and so I blocked her just to keep my head straight. I tried to stay away cause I knew it was best for us to stay apart in such a situation. She approached me, asked me why I was acting like this and I was like, "How do you expect me to?" and we had a fight...and became friends 2 hours after the fight. I promised I would be friends with her no matter what but she became distant. It felt that now she was just using me. So as she went back home, we started having more fights because of "my feelings" and then we blocked each other. That brotherly guy is her boyfriend now and she told me that she is with him forever no matter what. That she and I don't have a future together at all. We both (guys) hate each other which would be quite expected. She was a very caring and understanding friend in those 2 months and she shared the same feelings for me, just a friend nothing more. One day after the final fight, she calls and says, "Please don't have any grudges on me.", I said that I don't.. we laughed and I cut the call. Now she is coming back to the campus and I am not ready to face her at all. I fear being manipulated, being around her with all the feelings and I said it bluntly to her. After all of this drama, I can't help but still love her. I tried to move on by finding someone else, like my pals said, but I didn't want to. I tried looking at her flaws and I ended up accepting her with them. My love only got stronger and she does not share it. Her justification for this sudden change in feelings was that notions change with time. even I called her sister in the very first chat but then neither of mentioned it. It was just my way of dissing new people off. I never called her that again. And she tried to justify her choice by this incident too. She fails to realize that I never used my status to come close to her, unlike him who came close despite knowing she liked someone else and that she thought of him as a brother. It seems like a total manipulation to me from his side even now ngl because she had been traumatized by her previous relationship and was very careful cause of it...she wouldn't just accept him in a month if she was her old self. But I can still sense the old her somewhere. In the final fight I said, "If you respect me, I am a friend for life otherwise if you just need me to do your tasks for you...we are nothing but strangers". I have always been honest, just and understanding with her. For once I was not, and this happened. I still love her and see as my perfect partner but am more interested to be just friends with her till we graduate. I have the least mistake in all of this and am suffering the most. Just because I lover her and she knows and won't respect me. I don't know how I will face her and it hurts like hell. I cry more than I live and its eating me on the inside. I see everything she had done to me but I would forgive her in just 5 mins... I have no clue on what to do with my feelings. They seem unremovable... Please help
So, I am an INTP/ENTP and I started talking to this INFJ about 9 months ago. We were nothing more than friends and it was nice to have someone to chat with every once in a while. Time passed and I noticed that she was trying to get me to open up and change me for some reason. I was genuinely scared and so I started opening up because I felt like it was a genuine interest of good friendship. Some more time passed and we became very good friends. We had similar interests like philosophy, psychology etc. and we used to talk a lot. Chats became more and more frequent and then I found myself thinking too much bout her. Fast forward, I started to like her a lot. We were in the same university and had talked only talked over chat during our first semester. When we were called to campus as COVID normalized, she approached me and tried to talk. I totally dissed her because I knew had feelings for her so I would fall head over heals and it would ruin the friendship. After 2 or 3 weeks, I realized that she was worth it and so I did it. I called her on the campus stairs at night and confessed by saying "I like you". We were both silent for a while and it was clear to me that she was not expecting this. Then she was like, "I don't even know you...You don't even know me" so I simply said that I want to. Then she told me that she liked someone else and that it was mutual. And that should have been it but it wasn't. Then we talked for about an hour and we left. I went back, cried a lot. Even next day I was crying alone in the empty lab. Then she called me to have a walk. Then I got to know her over the walk a little more. We started to talk more frequently and I had lost my mental peace after that. I was always doing some of her work just to get her some free time to talk to me. My grades came down, I stopped spending time with my friends and I didn't mind cause it was all for her. I just wanted to be good friends cause I knew how it would feel to the other guy and so she got me his consent as well. We both wanted serious partners and I knew if anything, I want her to be one of my close friends at least once I get my degree. Any possibility of future with her would only be seen after that depending on which paths we choose. She had many brother-like friends in the campus and one off them used to stay in the same hostel as her. They were close and all and then she called me one day asking I thought of her and her brother-like friend. I just told what I did and she told me that she was actually in love with him. He confessed 20 days after I did and he knew about my side. It was again mutual but it didn't feel right. I tried to be as supportive as I could but it was my breaking point. I told her that in the 2 months that I had spent, my attraction has only increased. And then I said that I love her. She was like, I know but I love him. I was absolutely heartbroken and so I blocked her just to keep my head straight. I tried to stay away cause I knew it was best for us to stay apart in such a situation. She approached me, asked me why I was acting like this and I was like, "How do you expect me to?" and we had a fight...and became friends 2 hours after the fight. I promised I would be friends with her no matter what but she became distant. It felt that now she was just using me. So as she went back home, we started having more fights because of "my feelings" and then we blocked each other. That brotherly guy is her boyfriend now and she told me that she is with him forever no matter what. That she and I don't have a future together at all. We both (guys) hate each other which would be quite expected. She was a very caring and understanding friend in those 2 months and she shared the same feelings for me, just a friend nothing more. One day after the final fight, she calls and says, "Please don't have any grudges on me.", I said that I don't.. we laughed and I cut the call. Now she is coming back to the campus and I am not ready to face her at all. I fear being manipulated, being around her with all the feelings and I said it bluntly to her. After all of this drama, I can't help but still love her. I tried to move on by finding someone else, like my pals said, but I didn't want to. I tried looking at her flaws and I ended up accepting her with them. My love only got stronger and she does not share it. Her justification for this sudden change in feelings was that notions change with time. even I called her sister in the very first chat but then neither of mentioned it. It was just my way of dissing new people off. I never called her that again. And she tried to justify her choice by this incident too. She fails to realize that I never used my status to come close to her, unlike him who came close despite knowing she liked someone else and that she thought of him as a brother. It seems like a total manipulation to me from his side even now ngl because she had been traumatized by her previous relationship and was very careful cause of it...she wouldn't just accept him in a month if she was her old self. But I can still sense the old her somewhere. In the final fight I said, "If you respect me, I am a friend for life otherwise if you just need me to do your tasks for you...we are nothing but strangers". I have always been honest, just and understanding with her. For once I was not, and this happened. I still love her and see as my perfect partner but am more interested to be just friends with her till we graduate. I have the least mistake in all of this and am suffering the most. Just because I lover her and she knows and won't respect me. I don't know how I will face her and it hurts like hell. I cry more than I live and its eating me on the inside. I see everything she had done to me but I would forgive her in just 5 mins... I have no clue on what to do with my feelings. They seem unremovable... Please help