When I look at other humans (it doesn't work when I look at myself in a mirror, unfortunately), I see formations of light around them. Differing shapes, sizes, color, depth, movement - all mean something different. From these structures I receive visions (usually floating around the person) about the individual(s) being looked at. Things "no one else knows" and all that jazz; it's tiresome. I do not like being voyeuristic, I don't give a damn about their past or fears or whatever I happen to see. I honestly don't know if I am still mentally stable, but the lights seem to be ingrained into my vision. I can't remember a time when I didn't see them once I reached 13 years of age (when I first noticed them).
Because of this...abnormality, crowded areas give me ridiculous headaches. Not a few times I have collapsed under a barrage of swirling colors when packed into highly-populated areas (like school halls during class changes). I stopped caring about the strange looks and pity I receive when this happens - I just want to know if there's any way to control it, regulate it, partition my mind. Anything at all, if anyone has experienced this?
(No, I do not take any form of medication, suffer from any deficiencies aside from insomnia, ingest any iota of drugs or drinks, nor am I emotionally unhealthy or deranged aside from occasional existential querying)
I have found another who can touch others and receive physical sensations according to their emotional state (i.e, pain feels like she's rubbing against burlap), but gets nothing with just her sight. The only remedy I've found is closing my eyes, which is obviously not an option 24/7. I've considered asking a doctor to scan my neural circuitry, if that's even possible?
I understand that INFJs are supposed to "get" people, but this level of understanding is unnecessary and unwanted. I tire of living as a slave to others' psyches, and I cannot ignore the images in the air and in my mind.
I feel like an attention-whore for posting three (four?) self-help threads since I joined a mere 100 posts ago, but I do not know what else to do - family has no idea and psychiatrists tell me I'm mentally stable.
/end RAGE
(I didn't know what to put this under, as it isn't exactly emotional support or hugs I want, nor is it philosophical; move it if it belongs elsewhere)
edit: title should include "unwanted" instead of "unwated"
Because of this...abnormality, crowded areas give me ridiculous headaches. Not a few times I have collapsed under a barrage of swirling colors when packed into highly-populated areas (like school halls during class changes). I stopped caring about the strange looks and pity I receive when this happens - I just want to know if there's any way to control it, regulate it, partition my mind. Anything at all, if anyone has experienced this?
(No, I do not take any form of medication, suffer from any deficiencies aside from insomnia, ingest any iota of drugs or drinks, nor am I emotionally unhealthy or deranged aside from occasional existential querying)
I have found another who can touch others and receive physical sensations according to their emotional state (i.e, pain feels like she's rubbing against burlap), but gets nothing with just her sight. The only remedy I've found is closing my eyes, which is obviously not an option 24/7. I've considered asking a doctor to scan my neural circuitry, if that's even possible?
I understand that INFJs are supposed to "get" people, but this level of understanding is unnecessary and unwanted. I tire of living as a slave to others' psyches, and I cannot ignore the images in the air and in my mind.
I feel like an attention-whore for posting three (four?) self-help threads since I joined a mere 100 posts ago, but I do not know what else to do - family has no idea and psychiatrists tell me I'm mentally stable.
/end RAGE
(I didn't know what to put this under, as it isn't exactly emotional support or hugs I want, nor is it philosophical; move it if it belongs elsewhere)
edit: title should include "unwanted" instead of "unwated"
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