Emotional bond and we've never even met. | INFJ Forum

Emotional bond and we've never even met.

QuietlyBrilliant

QuietlyBrilliant

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Jan 14, 2012
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Hi everyone, I'm feeling really anxious and worried right now. I feel like I just need support from people who understand me.

I started seeing this guy everywhere I went quite a few months ago. In September, I then found out we were both going to the same school as me. I kept seeing him in school, and i frequently catch him looking at me. I guess I've already planned out our future in my head, so I get nervous whenever I'm around him even though we have never actually spoken. He lives quite near me and a few months ago, he started getting the same school bus as me in the mornings. I can't help thinking that the universe is trying to bring us together.

Ok, so... Last night I went round to my friends house for a party. I was a little drunk so I started asking my friend chris who this guy was because I knew they were friends. I was telling chris how hot I thought this guy was and how he should introduce us (cringe). Chris showed me his Facebook and then added him as a friend from MY Facebook so I quickly cancelled the request. Chris then was teasing and was going to send him a message from him saying I think he is hot. He typed my first and last name and as a tried to stop him, I sent the message. I then messages again saying 'sorry wrong person'.

Chris said that he would introduce me and my ISTJ friend to him on Monday. I am now dreading Monday. This could either turn out really great or really bad. I feel so anxious and out of control and I don't kno what chris has said to him, although he promised he wouldn't say anything else.

Please give me some advice?

Sorry it's so long and may seem immature to you, but this is important to me and I would really appreciate supportive feedback.
 
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I think that you should try to suspend your reaction to this meeting, no matter how it turns out. It might be a good idea to remind yourself that this is one moment in time, and the future of any relationship does not rest exclusively in the results of a first meeting.

ie: If it goes great, realize that the moment went great, but that you have only scratched the surface, and you can't make a lot of future judgements based on that.

If it doesn't go great its okay too. Refuse to focus on it as a longterm failure(unless you can't stand him!). Act like nothing is wrong and you may find that little by little you can really get to know one another.

One last thing: It's okay for an introvert to be introverted.

I hope you find something in this that helps you.
 
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you're making me feel nervous. ugh. i think you just gave me a stomach ache.

srsly, you're putting WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY too much pressure on yourself, you little masochist. and you're setting yourself up for a thorough self-inflicted beat-down. It's what we INFX's do, i know. please stop this.

honestly, you've probably been seeing him around a lot more because he's been stalking you. boys will do this. :)
 
I agree with Nitesteamer.

If this guy will judge you only based off his initial impression of you, then he's not really worth pursuing.
If the initial meet up does go well, then there's nothing to worry about. ^^
If the initial meet up doesn't go smoothly but if he's still interested, then the first impression won't really matter anyway. If it goes really well afterwards, then it'll be one of those moments where both of you can look back on and laugh. ^^
 
Sensiko said:
honestly, you've probably been seeing him around a lot more because he's been stalking you. boys will do this. :)
Click to expand...

*from around the corner behind Sensiko* I don't know what you're talking about!!
:m122:
 
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Nitesteamer said:
I think that you should try to suspend your reaction to this meeting, no matter how it turns out. It might be a good idea to remind yourself that this is one moment in time, and the future of any relationship does not rest exclusively in the results of a first meeting.

ie: If it goes great, realize that the moment went great, but that you have only scratched the surface, and you can't make a lot of future judgements based on that.

If it doesn't go great its okay too. Refuse to focus on it as a longterm failure(unless you can't stand him!). Act like nothing is wrong and you may find that little by little you can really get to know one another.

One last thing: It's okay for an introvert to be introverted.

I hope you find something in this that helps you.
Click to expand...

Wow, this helped me so much, I feel less pressure already. Thank you for understanding me.
 
Sensiko said:
you're making me feel nervous. ugh. i think you just gave me a stomach ache.

srsly, you're putting WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY too much pressure on yourself, you little masochist. and you're setting yourself up for a thorough self-inflicted beat-down. It's what we INFX's do, i know. please stop this.

honestly, you've probably been seeing him around a lot more because he's been stalking you. boys will do this. :)
Click to expand...

Sorry for making you have a stomach ache, but thank you for empathising :)
You made me feel better either way.
I love INFPs.
 
FamineGT said:
I agree with Nitesteamer.

If this guy will judge you only based off his initial impression of you, then he's not really worth pursuing.
If the initial meet up does go well, then there's nothing to worry about. ^^
If the initial meet up doesn't go smoothly but if he's still interested, then the first impression won't really matter anyway. If it goes really well afterwards, then it'll be one of those moments where both of you can look back on and laugh. ^^
Click to expand...


You are so right. I just have this tendency to freak myself out and put immense pressure on one moment then beat myself up if it doesn't go perfectly.
Thank you :)
 
It's not a bond, a bond takes two. It sounds like limerence. Whatever it is, don't dive head first in.
 
Peppermint said:
It's not a bond, a bond takes two. It sounds like limerence. Whatever it is, don't dive head first in.
Click to expand...

I appreciate your comment. If I'm honest, I am a very obsessive person about people that I think I have a potential connection with. This is only because I find it so hard to engage and connect with people in everyday conversation because a lot are one dimensional and shallow. So, when I find someone that I feel a connection with and we haven't even met, it's not surprising that I hold onto it for dear life.

Thank you for the advice.
 
Im sure the guy likes you. Dont be so nervous just meet him :)
 
QuietlyBrilliant said:
Just wondering, how are you sure?
Click to expand...

if he always stares at you that's a very obvious signal. And then, if you never try you will never win :) just meet him if he likes you you will notice
 
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