Don't disturb my dinner with your autistic child! | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Don't disturb my dinner with your autistic child!

the said:
How do you know this, and why do you care about some and not others?
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because if they were they wouldnt be bullying people who are less fortunate than they are. i dont care about their tiredness because by comparison to the people they are bullying, their problems are illusions. their lives are so perfect that a minor disruption to it from someone whose life is a shit hole is like torment to them. they dont deserve any sympathy because theyre going out there to make life harder for others. why should i feel sympathetic to them for supposedly feeling something that they are deliberately inflicting on others. screw them. they should stfu and try to exercise some gratitude and compassion.
 
invisible said:
because if they were they wouldnt be bullying people who are less fortunate than they are. i dont care about their tiredness because by comparison to the people they are bullying, their problems are illusions. their lives are so perfect that a minor disruption to it from someone whose life is a shit hole is like torment to them. they dont deserve any sympathy because theyre going out there to make life harder for others. why should i feel sympathetic to them for supposedly feeling something that they are deliberately inflicting on others. screw them. they should stfu and try to exercise some gratitude and compassion.
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This is all assumption.
 
invisible said:
because if they were they wouldnt be bullying people who are less fortunate than they are. i dont care about their tiredness because by comparison to the people they are bullying, their problems are illusions. their lives are so perfect that a minor disruption to it from someone whose life is a shit hole is like torment to them. they dont deserve any sympathy because theyre going out there to make life harder for others. why should i feel sympathetic to them for supposedly feeling something that they are deliberately inflicting on others. screw them. they should stfu and try to exercise some gratitude and compassion.
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I think you are right about this. Take a look at my post about the 'Music Within'. It's a very inspirational movie about somebody who helped make the US a better place for people living with disabilities. I think you would like it.
 
The last time I remember this being an issue was when my mother graduated and became a nurse.
There was a baby in the big audience of hundreds of people (thousands including the graduates) and it cried and screamed a lot.
That, I thought, was totally unacceptable. If your kids starts disrupting the atmosphere/ambience of a place...get out.
If you can't have a nice time because of that...tough. Better you than everyone else. It is not fair and it is selfish to stay longer than a few moments.

Know the atmosphere of where you're going, that's all. They can go nuts at Fathead McShitfood's but why are you even bringing kids to an actual restaurant?!
A pub, even, is okay to bring kids in the day but restaurants are for people with disposable income, something a child nowadays does not need to prepare for.

If there isn't that buzz in the air where you can hear lots of talking but nothing specific, and your kid starts crying or making a scene, just get them out.
I am not bugged by many things but the fact that parents are not prepared to write off their 'nice time' when it has clearly gone to shit already really is one of the things that does.
 
I need to ask a follow up question to [MENTION=9809]La Sagna[/MENTION]. You are at a nice restaurant having a good time. A clearly disheveled man arrives and they seat him one table over from you. When he gets within 10 feet he clearly smells and smells bad. However the restaurant doesnt seem to care because they seat the man. You realize at that time the man smells so bad there is no where else you could go in the place where you would get away from his stench.

Now, is it wrong to ask that people like this not be allowed in a public place?

I dont mean to compare autistic children to a smelly men, however it does show a question of what tolerance is for some people.
 
Eventhorizon said:
I need to ask a follow up question to @La Sagna . You are at a nice restaurant having a good time. A clearly disheveled man arrives and they seat him one table over from you. When he gets within 10 feet he clearly smells and smells bad. However the restaurant doesnt seem to care because they seat the man. You realize at that time the man smells so bad there is no where else you could go in the place where you would get away from his stench.

Now, is it wrong to ask that people like this not be allowed in a public place?

I dont mean to compare autistic children to a smelly men, however it does show a question of what tolerance is for some people.
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not allow them in a public place? maybe they should be put under house arrest?
 
having had severe mental health problems in my life, its necessary for me to maintain my health in a number of ways, and theres a mental illness support forum i participate in. theres a lady on there who regularly posts on a thread she started 5 years ago. the thread is solely about the difficulty she has in showering. she talks about how much she wants to shower, how disgusted she is by her own personal smell, how bad she feels for people around her who endure her smell. but for her, taking a shower is genuinely an overwhelmingly difficult task, requiring an enormous amount of energy. she tries to find strategies to make it easier, she opens the window to let the light in, she had long hair but she cut it all off, she shampoos her hair before she gets in the shower, she times the showers to be shorter and more bearable, anything she can think of to be able to make herself take more regular showers. she is in a constant battle to try to help herself, but her existence is an inescapable hell of mental illness. let the lady go to a restaurant?
 
Eventhorizon said:
A valid question.
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what if i were to say to you, that there is some aspect of your personal presentation, that i find hideous and detestable, highly offensive, and for this reason, you should be placed under house arrest, so that i should never be forced to tolerate the possibility of you coming into my presence?
 
Eventhorizon said:
I need to ask a follow up question to [MENTION=9809]La Sagna[/MENTION]. You are at a nice restaurant having a good time. A clearly disheveled man arrives and they seat him one table over from you. When he gets within 10 feet he clearly smells and smells bad. However the restaurant doesnt seem to care because they seat the man. You realize at that time the man smells so bad there is no where else you could go in the place where you would get away from his stench.

Now, is it wrong to ask that people like this not be allowed in a public place?

I dont mean to compare autistic children to a smelly men, however it does show a question of what tolerance is for some people.
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Restaurant's are allowed to have dress codes. I'm not saying every situation is the same but if somebody walks in to a restaurant with an autistic 13 year old boy who is acting perfectly fine at that moment should they turn them away? Perhaps if the child was acting up and being noisy when they asked to be seated then I could see them stating that they can't unless the child is calm. In the incident described in the OP the child acted up when it was time to leave and the mom asked for some understanding from the other diners. I don't think she was acting irresponsibly. The letter writer didn't say that the child was acting up during the whole dinner. Perhaps this child acts fine most of the time. Should the child never be let out of his house in case he might act up at some point?

Even with regular kids, you can bring them out to certain places dozens of times with no issue and one day for whatever reason they act up. This happens and is in no way a reflection of poor parenting. I know there are parents who do a rotten job but I also know from experience that you can be a good parent and have kids that act up in situations you don't expect. Locking up kids in the house until they learn how to behave will guarantee that they will never learn to behave because they will never have learned how to live in the real world. My twenty year old would still be locked up in the house if I had waited until he was perfectly behaved in all circumstances to let him out.
 
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La Sagna said:
Restaurant's are allowed to have dress codes. I'm not saying every situation is the same but if somebody walks in to a restaurant with an autistic 13 year old boy who is acting perfectly fine at that moment should they turn them away? Perhaps if the child was acting up and being noisy when they asked to be seated then I could see them stating that they can't unless the child is calm. In the incident described in the OP the child acted up when it was time to leave and the mom asked for some understanding from the other diners. I don't think she was acting irresponsibly. The letter writer didn't say that the child was acting up during the whole dinner. Perhaps this child acts fine most of the time. Should the child never be let out of his house in case he might act up at some point?

Even with regular kids, you can bring them out to certain places dozens of times with no issue and one day for whatever reason they act up. This happens and is in no way a reflection of poor parenting. I know there are parents who do a rotten job but I also know from experience that you can be a good parent and have kids that act up in situations you don't expect. Locking up kids in the house until they learn how to behave will guarantee that they will never learn to behave because they will never have learned how to live in the real world. My twenty year old would still be locked up in the house if I had waited until he was perfectly behaved in all circumstances to let him out.
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I agree that the scenario you present seems to be self explanatory.
 
invisible said:
what if i were to say to you, that there is some aspect of your personal presentation, that i find hideous and detestable, highly offensive, and for this reason, you should be placed under house arrest, so that i should never be forced to tolerate the possibility of you coming into my presence?
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Exactly. But you still have not answered my question.
 
La Sagna said:
Restaurant's are allowed to have dress codes. I'm not saying every situation is the same but if somebody walks in to a restaurant with an autistic 13 year old boy who is acting perfectly fine at that moment should they turn them away? Perhaps if the child was acting up and being noisy when they asked to be seated then I could see them stating that they can't unless the child is calm. In the incident described in the OP the child acted up when it was time to leave and the mom asked for some understanding from the other diners. I don't think she was acting irresponsibly. The letter writer didn't say that the child was acting up during the whole dinner. Perhaps this child acts fine most of the time. Should the child never be let out of his house in case he might act up at some point?

Even with regular kids, you can bring them out to certain places dozens of times with no issue and one day for whatever reason they act up. This happens and is in no way a reflection of poor parenting. I know there are parents who do a rotten job but I also know from experience that you can be a good parent and have kids that act up in situations you don't expect. Locking up kids in the house until they learn how to behave will guarantee that they will never learn to behave because they will never have learned how to live in the real world. My twenty year old would still be locked up in the house if I had waited until he was perfectly behaved in all circumstances to let him out.
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The person that wrote that letter obviously has no class.
 
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invisible said:
im sorry but i dont think what you wrote has anything to do with the reality of the situation presented in the OP.
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Yeah, do you want me to describe the rudimentaries of how discussions evolve beyond the OP?

I could probably figure out a dozen ways to embarrass myself but posting about my lack of understanding of communication online isnt something I choose to do.
 
Lark said:
I like to hear that, it means that things are better than here or better than in my experience.

I've seen lots of parents who dont give a shite. They get angry when anyone draws attention to it and I think in part its because they know it.
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What it might mean is that b/c it's something that particularly bothers you ... you are always apt to noticing it; whereas I do not. When you aren't exposed to something on a regular basis, you become insensitive to it.
 
invisible said:
because if they were they wouldnt be bullying people who are less fortunate than they are. i dont care about their tiredness because by comparison to the people they are bullying, their problems are illusions. their lives are so perfect that a minor disruption to it from someone whose life is a shit hole is like torment to them. they dont deserve any sympathy because theyre going out there to make life harder for others. why should i feel sympathetic to them for supposedly feeling something that they are deliberately inflicting on others. screw them. they should stfu and try to exercise some gratitude and compassion.
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By your reasoning, children are naught but burdens. Single people or childless couples are blessed and hence should show compassion for all unfortunate parents.

I feel I'm missing a whole lot of context in your thoughts. Maybe you could elaborate as to when and under what conditions this isn't true?
 
Matt3737 said:
By your reasoning, children are naught but burdens. Single people or childless couples are blessed and hence should show compassion for all unfortunate parents.

I feel I'm missing a whole lot of context in your thoughts. Maybe you could elaborate as to when and under what conditions this isn't true?
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If you read the OP you will see that the person in question was a woman alone with and autistic teenager. As much as a blessing these kids can be, I'm sure their parents' lives would be much easier if their kids were able to interact easily with the world around them. Also, anybody who has a kid who is acting up at that moment is in an unfortunate situation because it's not fun and you get judged by people around you, especially ones that don't have kids and therefore can decide that if they had kids theirs would not behave like that.

I was a mom young and I got lots of comments from people who didn't have kids at the time about how they would do things and what their kids wouldn't be allowed to do. Most of those now have kids and, believe me, their kids haven't behaved any better than mine and their parenting has not been any easier or better than mine. Actually, I was a lot stricter with my kids because I felt that I had something to prove because I was young. Meanwhile those that had kids much older than me seemed to be much more lenient with their kids as well as more prone to spoiling them.
 
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