Do you prefer directness at all times? | INFJ Forum

Do you prefer directness at all times?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, May 30, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    When do you think directness should be used? And in what situations?


    When is directness too much or not enough?


    (May's question) When is directness NOT appropriate?




    Are you personally more or less direct than most? What's everyone's typical response to your level of directness?
     
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    #1 Gaze, May 30, 2010
    Last edited: May 31, 2010
  2. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    I generally prefer people to be direct to me because I can't read between the lines worth a damn. Society round here, its all about being courteous and keeping your thoughts to yourself. Generally the use of innuendo to say something without coming right out and saying it.

    Its ok to alot of extents but if yer not good at reading things you miss out on the message and it irritates people. They'll say oh bless your heart which in some cases can mean...you poor dumb bastard.

    Due to the way I was raised I have difficulty being straight up with folks. I've learned to talk around an issue instead of saying it directly, helpful in some cases but not all I reckon.
     
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  3. dark_angel

    dark_angel Community Member

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    Oh my, this is a difficult one. I have always believed in being direct as that is how I want others to interact with me but sometimes you have to be careful what you ask for as some people use directness for their own means. I prefer being direct but that is if the person can handle it and if they cannot then I give them a heads up and apologise for offending them if I do, ahead of time. Sometimes being direct is not always the best approach, subtley can be the key at times. I prefer people being direct with me though but with tact.
     
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  4. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Hmm..I prefer being told directly, but with certain tact that differs between the situation. Does that make sense...? .___.

    I do enjoy reading between the lines :p
     
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  5. OP
    Gaze

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    Agree.
     
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  6. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    Yes I prefer directness, but I don't equate being direct with being callous or disrespectful- merely honest in a tactful way.
     
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    #6 TinyBubbles, May 30, 2010
    Last edited: May 30, 2010
  7. Odyne

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    Tactful and respectful directness will always be appreciated by me.
     
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  8. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    Indirectness is patronising.

    Directness is always appreciated.
     
  9. TurtleTrooper

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    This was a surprisingly difficult question for me to answer.

    I like directness. Especially when your insulting someone. You have to have to balls to just come out and say it otherwise it makes you look like a pansy IMHO.

    Romantically and emotionally however I'm very indirect. It's hard to put words to what I'm feeling, so it's not like I'm really trying to be.

    I can put up with indirectness as long as there isn't one-sided sexual tension oozing out of you. Then I just get uncomfortable. Indirectness also gets really old after awhile especially when you use this indirectness as an excuse for being manipulative. Then I just want to punch you in the face.

    Anyways, I try to be direct as much as possible but this usually isn't as much as I'd like because I'm so flipping right brained. So I guess I can excuse you being indirect. But directness is definitely preferred.
     
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  10. tovlo

    tovlo Well-known member

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    I value being direct regarding interpersonal needs and feelings in intimate relationship. I think being direct at work is generally an appreciated trait. In most situations, I value direct expression of experience.

    I think directness is too much when it oversteps boundary. Really all one can speak to is their own experience. When one is direct beyond that, it is too much, in my opinion. I'm not sure there is ever a situation where directness is not enough.

    In general, I'm direct, but perhaps a bit less than some. I tend to be less direct when I'm feeling insecure about an environment and my reception in it. When I'm unsure about the potential reception, I might observe for a while, or I might poke around the subject with oblique questions trying to get a sense of receptivity first.

    It has been expressed to me by someone who prefers direct expression that my oblique poking is not valued because it doesn't meet the need for intimacy.

    I fear that in many instances my direct expression of experience would not be valued, but to be honest I can't think of a situation where it has happened. I guess this is the side of the directness equation I haven't had enough courage to test.
     
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  11. Norton

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    1. When communicating with people.
    2. When someone doesn't want to hear the truth.
    3. I'm direct, period (full stop). They hear and, hopefully, understand. What else is there to say except that I'm an INTP? (I don't mean to offend, it's just that I'm direct)
     
  12. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    directness can be brutal though.. a friend of mine once asked whether it's more important to be honest or compassionate, if one could not be both, for whatever reason. i replied it's always possible to be both, but thinking more upon it maybe it's not true, and in that case you're probably more morally obligated to be compassionate. although on the other hand, bluntness IS compassionate in the long run.. idk
     
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  13. Norton

    Norton XXXX

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    My INFJ wife is expert in indirectness:

    "Sweetheart, do you want strawberries for dessert?" (me)

    "I like strawberries." (her)

    "I know you like strawberries, but...do you want them for dessert?" (Just say it!!)

    "Yes."
     
  14. TurtleTrooper

    TurtleTrooper Community Member

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    weird.
    My condensed opinion:

    Directness is refreshing.
     
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  15. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    hey question to all - when is directness NOT appropriate?
     
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  16. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    Depends really, lot of moments where someone is upset about something can be made worse by being too direct while some other times simple directness can help.
     
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  17. TurtleTrooper

    TurtleTrooper Community Member

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    weird.
    yeah, even when someones upset i think just being direct about whatever it is makes them have to confront it, and then they can get over it.

    directness is always best IMHO
     
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  18. Norton

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    I believe in directness without misanthropy.
     
  19. OP
    Gaze

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    Question added.
     
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