Do you have difficulty telling a loved one how you feel about them? | INFJ Forum

Do you have difficulty telling a loved one how you feel about them?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, May 24, 2010.

Share This Page

More threads by Gaze
  1. Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,387
    Messages:
    28,133
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,775
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    Do you have difficulty telling a loved one or romantic partner how you feel about them? Why or why not?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2009
    Threads:
    252
    Messages:
    4,830
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    855
    Trophy Points:
    657
    MBTI:
    NFJedi
    Enneagram:
    268 sx/so
    Only if I think it will upset them.

    Otherwise, not in the least bit.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

    Joined:
    May 24, 2010
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    1,206
    Likes Received:
    215
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    If they are that close to me, then they are safe to express my feelings to. I believe it is much tougher to initiate a relationship.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2009
    Threads:
    252
    Messages:
    4,830
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    855
    Trophy Points:
    657
    MBTI:
    NFJedi
    Enneagram:
    268 sx/so
    It's difficult for me to initiate a relationship because I'm worried I'm going to upset them in the attempt by making them feel obligated, put upon, guilty for shooting me down, annoyed by another guy taking a shot, etc. etc. And since I don't want to initiate something with someone until I am sure I want to keep them, it makes it really difficult.

    When I am certain someone will be receptive, I have no problem initiating. The problem is always figuring that out in the process of getting to know if I am interested in them.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  5. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,387
    Messages:
    28,133
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,775
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    I don't think it's always that easy to express a feeling. Sometimes, there's fear of the response, not sure if the person feels as much as you, whether they want the relationship to change or remain the same. I don't want to be the first person to admit feelings, since that's never worked in my favor. But revealing feelings can make someone feel obligated to feel the same. And that's something I wouldn't want.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #5 Gaze, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
    Trifoilum likes this.
  6. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

    Joined:
    May 24, 2010
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    1,206
    Likes Received:
    215
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    The closest I've ever been in a relationship was a woman that pretty much grabbed me by the ears and told me she was interested(Still a wonderful friend after we broke up).

    Reading attraction has always been one of my greatest difficulties. Makes one wonder how many opportunities are missed due to mixed signals. It doesn't help if you come off as a bit severe, I've been told I do and that I am unapproachable. This coupled with the kaleidoscope of thoughts bouncing around in the ole skull makes my timing feel off or completely disinterested in someone I am attracted to.

    Sometimes I just jot down a poem on a napkin, then hand it off to the woman I'm interested in with a smile and move on. If she's moved by my words and interested she just has to call, if she thinks I'm a wierdo and doesn't at least there is none of that strange rejection vibe.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. under skies

    under skies Community Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2010
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    637
    Likes Received:
    107
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    I don't know why, but those words feel extremely awkward coming out of my mouth. I usually only say it to my mom.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,387
    Messages:
    28,133
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,775
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    Agree. I don't say that kind of stuff to my family. But it doesn't mean I don't feel it. I'm just not a fan of expressing those feelings verbally. Which is probably not good.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    Threads:
    245
    Messages:
    9,346
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,228
    Trophy Points:
    966
    MBTI:
    ^.^
    Enneagram:
    .
    yes, it's difficult.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,387
    Messages:
    28,133
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,775
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    Can you explain why.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  11. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    6,503
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,726
    Trophy Points:
    380
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    6w5
    it's difficult. Res said it best;

    if I ever found one.... I think I have to take the risk and said it, though. They wouldn't know if I don't say it.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    Threads:
    245
    Messages:
    9,346
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,228
    Trophy Points:
    966
    MBTI:
    ^.^
    Enneagram:
    .
    1. they might not want to be told
    2. they might not reciprocate
    3. it can change the dynamic of the relationship for the worse
    also i kind of prefer more indirect and subtle ways of being told that i'm cared about, and sometimes i assume that's what others want; being explicitly told that i'm loved can be "too much" (does anyone know what I mean?)
    it depends a lot on the person though, with some people i do say it outright.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #12 TinyBubbles, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  13. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,387
    Messages:
    28,133
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,775
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    Agree. I prefer if they show me rather than tell me explicitly how they feel. I think that's another reason why i'm not a fan of compliments. It makes me more self conscious.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #13 Gaze, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
  14. Raccoon Love

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2009
    Threads:
    310
    Messages:
    5,413
    Likes Received:
    706
    Trophy Points:
    657
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Extremely difficult or me

    I have enough issues initiating friendships as of now. Confessing my feelings to someone is even harder. It might make the relation now seem awkward, they might not take it well, just overall paranoia and fear etc, there is a variety of reasons, some subconscious which prevent me from forming a relation.
     
  15. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
    Donor

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2010
    Threads:
    29
    Messages:
    1,634
    Likes Received:
    270
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    I have a lot of trouble expressing how I feel to people. I'm bad with words when it comes to things like that. I either say something too extreme or don't feel as if I say enough. When I talk to people I really like I always end up staring at them with all these words stumbling around in my head. When I try to let them out I just end up saying something cliche which annoys me to no end.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  16. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,387
    Messages:
    28,133
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,775
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    This^^^. Sometimes, it feels as if i'm going around in circles.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  17. RecklessDreamer

    RecklessDreamer Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2009
    Threads:
    17
    Messages:
    1,067
    Likes Received:
    140
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    IDFK
    Enneagram:
    69
    I never have to say a word because my feelings seep from every pore in my body, but I do say how I feel anyways without too much of a problem. I mean, leading up to telling people how I feel I get a bit nervous, but once I start the words just keep coming out.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  18. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
    Donor

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2010
    Threads:
    29
    Messages:
    1,634
    Likes Received:
    270
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Exactly this.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page