Do You Engage in Self-Sabotage? | INFJ Forum

Do You Engage in Self-Sabotage?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by PintoBean, Jun 3, 2015.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 1 user.
More threads by PintoBean
  1. PintoBean

    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    May 18, 2015
    Threads:
    45
    Messages:
    1,760
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,248
    Trophy Points:
    966
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    6
    Have you ever engaged in some form of self-sabotaging behavior or thought processes? Professionally? Socially? Romantically? Physically? Why do you think you do/did it? Have you found ways to stop? Please share. I'm interested in anything you have to say on the topic.

    For myself, I used to constantly put on what I call "the neurotic side-show," which entailed acting self-deprecating in all kinds of ways. It hurt me professionally and all interpersonal relationships because it was like wearing a huge sign that said "I'm ridiculous, even I'm laughing at myself, go ahead join in!" I've mostly stopped, but sometimes when I'm feeling especially insecure and want to deflect from my authentic myself, I still fall into the old pattern. It started I think because it's how I dealt with an extremely dysfunctional family. I would just act the clown or be so ridiculous that even my parents would pause momentarily in their acrimony and self-destruction to either laugh or wring their hands.
     
    #1 PintoBean, Jun 3, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2015
  2. Erlian

    Erlian Community Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Threads:
    10
    Messages:
    486
    Likes Received:
    48
    Trophy Points:
    135
    MBTI:
    intJ
    Enneagram:
    6>9>8>5>1>2
    Wanting a girlfriend too much. The most important criteria I looked for was whether she was interested in me. And when she remotely was, I'd fall for her. That didn't really work.
    I realised that I wanted a girlfriend too much all the time. I was aware. I just didn't know how to stop it, because that's what I wanted. I wanted a gf to get experience and to learn. She didn't have to be the perfect one yet. Since about a month ago I gave up on this. I'm not going to try and just get a girlfriend for experience. I'm going to try to get the right one on the first try. No clue if she'll be the right one, but I hope this approach will be more succesful.

    Also being lazy. I could do so much more with my time, but I don't. About two years ago I dropped online gaming and started to do more and more 'useful' stuff, but I could still do a lot more.
     
  3. j654dgj7

    j654dgj7 Please delete this account.

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2012
    Threads:
    66
    Messages:
    3,229
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3,224
    Trophy Points:
    440
    MBTI:
    XXXX
    Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

    EDIT: I think that I do it because I don't want to upset people, and I use it as a way to avoid criticism. If I self-sabotage/deprecate myself, others don't have the chance to hurt my feelings. I'm working on stopping it, and standing up for myself. It's not easy, but everything's a battle. Mostly I consciously stop myself as I'm about to do it.
     
    #3 j654dgj7, Jun 3, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2015
  4. Free

    Free probably just a "like" bot
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    May 18, 2015
    Threads:
    51
    Messages:
    7,329
    Featured Threads:
    13
    Likes Received:
    31,977
    Trophy Points:
    3,727
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Best Coast :p
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    295ish
    Yes to all of the above, lol. It would surface in self deprecating behaviors, absolutely. And also in my youth was a tendency to overindulge, in anything from food and alcohol to recreational drugs. I would binge...on everything...and then starve myself to "detox". I realized that I was putting myself last, in all things. Professionally, physically, and especially within my relationships whether they be familial or romantic.
    I actually don't mind being at the bottom of the priority list, if the people that I sacrifice for don't take this for granted and neglect me as well. But, many of them did. It left me empty inside. I was a door mat, and let everyone clean their boots and stomp all over me. And I knowingly allowed it to happen. I learned to find the strength to demand reciprocity in key areas of my life, and to not take it out on myself.
     
    flower likes this.
  5. OP
    PintoBean

    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    May 18, 2015
    Threads:
    45
    Messages:
    1,760
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,248
    Trophy Points:
    966
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    6
    I've bee there, so sorry. But I'm glad you've realized you're not a doormat and have been able to change the way you get treated.
     
    Free likes this.
  6. D02J02M

    D02J02M Newbie

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2015
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ/INFX
    All the time. It's a frustrating habit. I don't really know how else to keep myself safe though, because all my experience s showing me is that this is the only realistic form of self-defence.. which in turn is probably self-sabotage, ha.
     
  7. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,364
    Messages:
    28,286
    Featured Threads:
    85
    Likes Received:
    20,058
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    .
    I had a bad habit of sharing too much personal details or issues which made everyone pity me. I overshared too many negatives. Not good. It was one of the worst times in my young adult life. I didn't know when to share, and when to keep particular things to myself. People would all but distance themselves as a result. Although, I am more reserved today and don't share much, except friends or family. I only share with whom I feel comfortable. I don't maintain friendships with people I can't be honest with. I am better at this today than I used to be. . . . hopefully. :D I've learned from my mistakes I guess.

    Edit: I also played the victim too often, believing others were responsible for my mess ups and inability to grasp certain things. Took me a while to realize the blame was mine. It's always easier to point the finger elsewhere than accept that you are responsible for some of your own crap. On the other hand, beating myself up was also a bad habit that I have slowly learned is not healthy. Focusing only on the bad stuff makes it easy to forget the cool stuff that I enjoy about myself, such as insights learned from self reflection.

    I also had a bad habit of giving too much to "friends" who never reciprocated. I would invest too much in someone who was not investing much in me. I've learned to get what I need from other sources including developing personal strength, so I am no longer looking to those who take and take, but don't give. I prefer balanced, fulfilling relationships, not those where each person gives half, because that never equals whole.

    Another huge self sabotage happened earlier in my career when I first graduated from college, I was very shy and meek, and not assertive. This hurt my credibility as a job candidate. I seemed wishy washy rather than confident and capable. However, I still struggle with this sometimes. I don't like talking about myself personally or attracting attention, and don't need it, especially if it's false or temporary attention seeking. I hate coming across too arrogant in interviews, but apparently, that's what interviewers prefer. I also don't want or need to be anyone else but who I can be. I am extremely honest with myself today and try not to believe false crap people used to shovel. I just brush it off, and focus on my giving the best effort when I approach anything. Also, accepting that you can't always control the outcome. I have learned to realize it's pointless to invest in things with limited returns, because you'll be giving too much effort to something or someone who doesn't deserve it. That's not fair to you. So, accept and appreciate yourself, the good stuff and acknowledge the stuff you need to improve, and you will likely feel more at peace with yourself at least.

    Edit: Life gets easier when you accept responsibility for your own screw ups, instead of blaming everyone else.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #7 Gaze, Jun 8, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2015
  8. OP
    PintoBean

    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    May 18, 2015
    Threads:
    45
    Messages:
    1,760
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,248
    Trophy Points:
    966
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    6
    I totally did this too. I shudder and cringe at the things I shared with an aghast and unsympathetic family!
     
Loading...

Share This Page