Do People Have a Right to Your Attention? | INFJ Forum

Do People Have a Right to Your Attention?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Flavus Aquila, Feb 28, 2017.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 7 users.
More threads by Flavus Aquila
  1. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2009
    Threads:
    323
    Messages:
    10,047
    Featured Threads:
    49
    Likes Received:
    5,526
    Trophy Points:
    1,033
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Australia
    MBTI:
    INTJ - A
    Enneagram:
    10000
    If someone wants your attention, do they have a right to it?


    People can do stuff to try and get you to respond.... Like talking to you, or making their presence felt... But where is the line (or is there a line), where they have to settle down to the fact that you don't want to engage with them?

    I'm thinking about anything from disruptive strangers to full blown stalkers.
     
  2. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    132
    Messages:
    12,204
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    13,657
    Trophy Points:
    1,158
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    We can't force people to conform to what we want from them. All someone can do is put themselves out there and if the other person wants to engage, then great. If not, then move on. It is courteous to at least acknowledge others and be willing to listen and not just ignore them--to give people a chance. But the person seeking to engage should also be courteous if they expect that courtesy. But nothing is owed. And certainly not to a stalker... Which is a potential threat to one's safety. Personally, I have ignored strange men behaving obnoxiously in lounges or making catcalls (disruptive strangers) wanting attention and not even wondered if I owed them anything. Pretty much the only type of person I can recount ignoring. Giving attention in these situations seems unwise.

    The closer the relationship, the more this changes though. Obviously we can't ignore our children, parents, spouses, friends, colleagues, etc. without causing harm... But some random person isn't entitled to your attention.
     
    #2 acd, Feb 28, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2017
    t5juyt, Free, ruji and 10 others like this.
  3. Horatio

    Horatio Uses adventure game logic
    Donor

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Threads:
    28
    Messages:
    3,386
    Featured Threads:
    3
    Likes Received:
    4,642
    Trophy Points:
    808
    MBTI:
    (⌐■_■)
    No not at all. In fact it is our right to ignore other people.
     
    Free, jyrffw54, acd and 4 others like this.
  4. hush

    hush
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Threads:
    218
    Messages:
    14,249
    Featured Threads:
    21
    Likes Received:
    39,510
    Trophy Points:
    3,932
    MBTI:
    boop
    Enneagram:
    :(
    Why would someone have a right to your attention?

    Also, if you don't want to engage with someone, it's very easy. Don't respond to them. Our responses feed the responses of others. If undesired engagement happens, it takes two, or more, to make it happen. It's especially easy to curtail on the internet, on this forum for instance, with the "ignore" feature. A troll wants attention, wants a response, wants to trigger the victim upon which they've focused their attention. They derive a strange sort of satisfaction from it. Don't feed the troll. They don't deserve your attention, nor are they worth it. This is just in an internet sense, but the internet is, of course, increasingly relevant.

    Whether you're on the internet or otherwise though, I don't think people have a right to your attention. I sometimes lament giving bullshit more of my attention than it deserves, but shit happens.
     
    Free, Sandie33, INFJ16 and 6 others like this.
  5. Gus

    Gus No strings attached

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2017
    Threads:
    5
    Messages:
    165
    Likes Received:
    482
    Trophy Points:
    106
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    There comes a point when you need to assert yourself and let it be known that you don't want engage with this person. You'll have to speak to this person to convey the message and make it clear to them as possible. If they continue after that then you are within your rights to obtain a restraining order.
     
    Free and xit like this.
  6. sprinkles

    sprinkles Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2013
    Threads:
    69
    Messages:
    9,055
    Likes Received:
    5,190
    Trophy Points:
    942
    MBTI:
    xxxx
    Depends on why they want it. Attention itself is not inherently meaningful without qualifiers.
     
    t5juyt, Free, Flavus Aquila and 3 others like this.
  7. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated

    Joined:
    May 19, 2013
    Threads:
    251
    Messages:
    16,556
    Featured Threads:
    31
    Likes Received:
    9,938
    Trophy Points:
    2,118
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    I think in a work environment those you need to work with to get a job done do have a right to some amount of your attention. The rest of it... no one has a right but it's probably best if you give some amount of attention to those who are close to you if you wish them to remain that way. Random people though? No.
     
    Free, James, Flavus Aquila and 3 others like this.
  8. 14Sandals

    14Sandals Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2017
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    54
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    152
    Trophy Points:
    365
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Philippines
    MBTI:
    INFx
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    If they're strangers and it's not something important or an emergency, nope. But that doesn't mean I'd ignore them. I pay attention, sometimes even respond, unconsciously.
    If it's school/ work related I definitely pay attention. But it's not a matter of rights, and I get out of the way if I don't want to deal with anyone.
     
  9. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Threads:
    70
    Messages:
    9,406
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    6,806
    Trophy Points:
    589
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    They have an initial right to a minimal amount. For jnstance, if they say hello, I will acknowledge it/say it back. From there though, they have to earn it/make it somehow worth my time...because my energy and attention is limited when it comes to engaging with others. And unfortunately, I don't have enough to share with everybody ,exactly when they want it, without wearing myself thin.
     
    Free, Flavus Aquila and Wyote like this.
  10. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    Threads:
    23
    Messages:
    12,333
    Likes Received:
    26,995
    Trophy Points:
    2,358
    MBTI:
    xxxx
    Depends on how much you value what they offer.
     
    t5juyt, Free, jyrffw54 and 2 others like this.
  11. La Sagna

    La Sagna Trying to become a butterfly

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2013
    Threads:
    85
    Messages:
    5,829
    Likes Received:
    1,476
    Trophy Points:
    688
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9 with 1 wing
    Nobody has a 'right' to your attention but you may face some consequences (deserved or not) if you don't. They also have a 'right' to whatever their reaction is as long as it is legal and not some form of harassment or abuse. Just as they have no 'right' to control your behaviour (like paying attention to them), you have no 'right' to control their behaviour if you don't like it (with the caveat previously stated regarding harassment and abuse).

    P.S. - In a significant relationship ignoring someone can be a form of abuse
     
  12. the

    the Si master race.

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Threads:
    478
    Messages:
    14,294
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    8,355
    Trophy Points:
    1,043
    MBTI:
    ISTJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    No one has rights.
     
    Flavus Aquila likes this.
  13. Littlelissa

    Littlelissa Well-known member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2016
    Threads:
    21
    Messages:
    4,234
    Featured Threads:
    6
    Likes Received:
    13,829
    Trophy Points:
    1,762
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w3
    Isn't this a bit like the other thread about 'annoying people demanding attention?'

    Are you not demanding attention with all these threads about demanding attention?

    Again these threads are a bit of a nonsense, in my opinion, without a context. There may be various different aspects or view points on this, depending on 'what', 'why', 'how' and like I said the context.

    In our O.P. you mentioned a stalker etc. it doesn't take too much reasoning ability to surmise that this kind of attention is unwarranted, insane even- but is it a worthy topic for a thread?
     
    #13 Littlelissa, Mar 1, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2017
    Free likes this.
  14. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2014
    Threads:
    53
    Messages:
    2,896
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    5,733
    Trophy Points:
    808
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    From all of your recent threads, I am getting the idea that some lady has taken a liking to you. She is chatty, demands your attention, doesn't wear a bra and has recently received a haircut. :) congratulations!

    No, no one has a right to demand attention from anyone unless they are a child or someone else who depends on you. Everyone else should politely ask and it's up to you whether or not you value their company.
     
    Littlelissa, La Sagna, Free and 6 others like this.
  15. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated

    Joined:
    May 19, 2013
    Threads:
    251
    Messages:
    16,556
    Featured Threads:
    31
    Likes Received:
    9,938
    Trophy Points:
    2,118
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Now that is funny. :)
    Or incredible intuition at work.
     
  16. MrSquared

    MrSquared Well-known member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2015
    Threads:
    16
    Messages:
    2,095
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    5,763
    Trophy Points:
    798
    MBTI:
    Openness
    I'm much more gracious with my attention if they're paying me. :)
     
    #16 MrSquared, Mar 1, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2017
    Free, jyrffw54, asdfghjk and 2 others like this.
  17. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk probably a wizard idk

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    165
    Messages:
    10,564
    Likes Received:
    11,933
    Trophy Points:
    1,647
    MBTI:
    .
    lol!!!
     
  18. INFJ16

    INFJ16 Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2014
    Threads:
    10
    Messages:
    2,166
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    8,526
    Trophy Points:
    929
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Human
    Not automatically. I assign people the right to my attention.

    That said, I'm pretty much going to give anyone my attention who needs/wants it (provided I can/have the time). People who I value or need to interact with on a daily basis are going to get more of my attention.

    Disruptive strangers? Disruptive just because they are trying to interact with me or disruptive in that they are being rude/loud? In the former case, I will give them attention. I don't usually have a problem talking to chatty strangers as long as they are being appropriate.
    Full blown stalkers? They should be ignored and reported.

    Not everyone will settle down to the fact that you don't want to engage with them. It's on you to either communicate this to them and act accordingly or consider it the toll you pay for going out in public and deal with it.
     
    ruji, Free and jyrffw54 like this.
  19. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Permanently relocated

    Joined:
    May 19, 2013
    Threads:
    251
    Messages:
    16,556
    Featured Threads:
    31
    Likes Received:
    9,938
    Trophy Points:
    2,118
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Is everything free trade with you?
     
  20. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    Threads:
    23
    Messages:
    12,333
    Likes Received:
    26,995
    Trophy Points:
    2,358
    MBTI:
    xxxx
    I don't know what you're asking
     
Loading...

Share This Page