Do People Have a Right to Your Attention? | INFJ Forum

Do People Have a Right to Your Attention?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Flavus Aquila, Feb 28, 2017.

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  1. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun

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    If someone wants your attention, do they have a right to it?


    People can do stuff to try and get you to respond.... Like talking to you, or making their presence felt... But where is the line (or is there a line), where they have to settle down to the fact that you don't want to engage with them?

    I'm thinking about anything from disruptive strangers to full blown stalkers.
     
  2. acd

    acd baba yaga
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    We can't force people to conform to what we want from them. All someone can do is put themselves out there and if the other person wants to engage, then great. If not, then move on. It is courteous to at least acknowledge others and be willing to listen and not just ignore them--to give people a chance. But the person seeking to engage should also be courteous if they expect that courtesy. But nothing is owed. And certainly not to a stalker... Which is a potential threat to one's safety. Personally, I have ignored strange men behaving obnoxiously in lounges or making catcalls (disruptive strangers) wanting attention and not even wondered if I owed them anything. Pretty much the only type of person I can recount ignoring. Giving attention in these situations seems unwise.

    The closer the relationship, the more this changes though. Obviously we can't ignore our children, parents, spouses, friends, colleagues, etc. without causing harm... But some random person isn't entitled to your attention.
     
    #2 acd, Feb 28, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2017
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  3. Horatio

    Horatio La petite mort
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    No not at all. In fact it is our right to ignore other people.
     
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  4. hush

    hush I will love you when you are a hurricane.
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    Why would someone have a right to your attention?

    Also, if you don't want to engage with someone, it's very easy. Don't respond to them. Our responses feed the responses of others. If undesired engagement happens, it takes two, or more, to make it happen. It's especially easy to curtail on the internet, on this forum for instance, with the "ignore" feature. A troll wants attention, wants a response, wants to trigger the victim upon which they've focused their attention. They derive a strange sort of satisfaction from it. Don't feed the troll. They don't deserve your attention, nor are they worth it. This is just in an internet sense, but the internet is, of course, increasingly relevant.

    Whether you're on the internet or otherwise though, I don't think people have a right to your attention. I sometimes lament giving bullshit more of my attention than it deserves, but shit happens.
     
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  5. Gus

    Gus No strings attached

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    There comes a point when you need to assert yourself and let it be known that you don't want engage with this person. You'll have to speak to this person to convey the message and make it clear to them as possible. If they continue after that then you are within your rights to obtain a restraining order.
     
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  6. sprinkles

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    Depends on why they want it. Attention itself is not inherently meaningful without qualifiers.
     
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  7. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Temporally relocated

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    I think in a work environment those you need to work with to get a job done do have a right to some amount of your attention. The rest of it... no one has a right but it's probably best if you give some amount of attention to those who are close to you if you wish them to remain that way. Random people though? No.
     
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  8. 14Sandals

    14Sandals Newbie

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    If they're strangers and it's not something important or an emergency, nope. But that doesn't mean I'd ignore them. I pay attention, sometimes even respond, unconsciously.
    If it's school/ work related I definitely pay attention. But it's not a matter of rights, and I get out of the way if I don't want to deal with anyone.
     
  9. Serenity

    Serenity שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    They have an initial right to a minimal amount. For jnstance, if they say hello, I will acknowledge it/say it back. From there though, they have to earn it/make it somehow worth my time...because my energy and attention is limited when it comes to engaging with others. And unfortunately, I don't have enough to share with everybody ,exactly when they want it, without wearing myself thin.
     
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  10. ruji

    ruji Permanent Fixture

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    Depends on how much you value what they offer.
     
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  11. La Sagna

    La Sagna Trying to become a butterfly

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    Nobody has a 'right' to your attention but you may face some consequences (deserved or not) if you don't. They also have a 'right' to whatever their reaction is as long as it is legal and not some form of harassment or abuse. Just as they have no 'right' to control your behaviour (like paying attention to them), you have no 'right' to control their behaviour if you don't like it (with the caveat previously stated regarding harassment and abuse).

    P.S. - In a significant relationship ignoring someone can be a form of abuse
     
  12. the

    the Why can't sharks smell blood through the skin?
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    No one has rights.
     
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  13. LittleLissa

    LittleLissa It's a journey

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    Isn't this a bit like the other thread about 'annoying people demanding attention?'

    Are you not demanding attention with all these threads about demanding attention?

    Again these threads are a bit of a nonsense, in my opinion, without a context. There may be various different aspects or view points on this, depending on 'what', 'why', 'how' and like I said the context.

    In our O.P. you mentioned a stalker etc. it doesn't take too much reasoning ability to surmise that this kind of attention is unwarranted, insane even- but is it a worthy topic for a thread?
     
    #13 LittleLissa, Mar 1, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2017
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  14. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    From all of your recent threads, I am getting the idea that some lady has taken a liking to you. She is chatty, demands your attention, doesn't wear a bra and has recently received a haircut. :) congratulations!

    No, no one has a right to demand attention from anyone unless they are a child or someone else who depends on you. Everyone else should politely ask and it's up to you whether or not you value their company.
     
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  15. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Temporally relocated

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    Now that is funny. :)
    Or incredible intuition at work.
     
  16. SeanSquared

    SeanSquared Quintessential

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    I'm much more gracious with my attention if they're paying me. :)
     
    #16 SeanSquared, Mar 1, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2017
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  17. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk probably a wizard idk

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    lol!!!
     
  18. INFJ16

    INFJ16 Permanent Fixture

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    Not automatically. I assign people the right to my attention.

    That said, I'm pretty much going to give anyone my attention who needs/wants it (provided I can/have the time). People who I value or need to interact with on a daily basis are going to get more of my attention.

    Disruptive strangers? Disruptive just because they are trying to interact with me or disruptive in that they are being rude/loud? In the former case, I will give them attention. I don't usually have a problem talking to chatty strangers as long as they are being appropriate.
    Full blown stalkers? They should be ignored and reported.

    Not everyone will settle down to the fact that you don't want to engage with them. It's on you to either communicate this to them and act accordingly or consider it the toll you pay for going out in public and deal with it.
     
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  19. Eventhorizon

    Eventhorizon Temporally relocated

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    Is everything free trade with you?
     
  20. ruji

    ruji Permanent Fixture

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    I don't know what you're asking
     
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