Dissociate/Depersonalize

[Mike S]

While talking with my therapist I mentioned some instances at work where I've had such intense anxiety I felt like was watching a movie and I couldn't hear what anyone was saying and everything became black on the sides of my vision. The therapist told me its called dissociating. I came home and looked it up. I realized it happens far more that I first thought but in different ways. It actually happened while the therapist was talking to me about one of my traumas. I feel as if my brain gets up and walks away. He talked for about a minute and looked for an affirmative response so I gave him one without knowing a thing he said.
When I'm experiencing this intense anxiety, like driving a rescue code 3 with dying person in the back, sometimes I couldn't feel my arms attached to my body. Some say it feels numb, mine just didn't even feel attached. I couldn't feel my feet on the pedals. The entire time I'm trying to ground my thoughts, thinking I have a crew of medics/firefighters and family members unsecured in the back of this rig. Sometimes I would all of a sudden realize I'm almost at the hospital and not realize where the time went. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you stay grounded?

 

[Lady Jolanda]

I frequently dissociate and depersonalize due to my PTSD. It's a defense mechanism, your mind protects you against the trauma's that are (still) too flooding to process.
It makes sense that this would happen to you while talking to your therapist about your trauma, and it's very important that you mention it to him as it happens in the moment. He can slow down and help you regulate.

When you dissociate, you need to find a safe space, rest, wait it out, and then take the time to recover. If that takes hours then let it take hours. If that takes days, then let it be days.
As all my trauma's are caused by humans, safety for me means being alone in my apartment. If I'm out and about, it just prolongs the dissociation.
I don't know what your trauma's are, and as that's of course very personal I won't ask you to reveal that here, but I'm sure you can imagine a safe space for you, away from triggers.

I actually dissociated today. The experience lasted about two hours. I coped by lying down in bed, talking to a friend on WhatAapp, clearing out my schedule for tomorrow and then crying it out with my boyfriend.