I feel the weight of the world crushing on me this morning with thoughts about this.
I feel so dependant on others, to the point where I'm beginning to become afraid to engage with my friends and family as it'll only foster that dependency further. It gets to the point where I worry about me alienating others with these feelings.
Despite being blind to this when "in good spirits", deep down I know my happiness is intrinsically tied to others and it scares me. I get really anxious seeing people I care about do stuff without me or engage with others in a way that doesn't validate our relationship. I read into simple things as being personal against me. I feel a deep empathy for those I'm close to, and want them to feel understood when they are distressed, only to realize that I've got no understanding or empathy for myself, and can't ever be that positive "grounded" person I fantasize about being for others.
I know all about self love. I know about fostering a relationship with yourself and all that. I've read the books, blogs, posts, whatever. I'm frustrated because it feels like I'm just reading words without actually feeling them, cultivating them, believing them. Like I really don't know, and don't know where to start.
I'm dependant on other people to the point where I feel like I shouldn't engage with others, for it'll just make that dependency worse.
I feel so dependant on others, to the point where I'm beginning to become afraid to engage with my friends and family as it'll only foster that dependency further. It gets to the point where I worry about me alienating others with these feelings.
Despite being blind to this when "in good spirits", deep down I know my happiness is intrinsically tied to others and it scares me. I get really anxious seeing people I care about do stuff without me or engage with others in a way that doesn't validate our relationship. I read into simple things as being personal against me. I feel a deep empathy for those I'm close to, and want them to feel understood when they are distressed, only to realize that I've got no understanding or empathy for myself, and can't ever be that positive "grounded" person I fantasize about being for others.
I know all about self love. I know about fostering a relationship with yourself and all that. I've read the books, blogs, posts, whatever. I'm frustrated because it feels like I'm just reading words without actually feeling them, cultivating them, believing them. Like I really don't know, and don't know where to start.
I'm dependant on other people to the point where I feel like I shouldn't engage with others, for it'll just make that dependency worse.