Dependence on others | INFJ Forum

Dependence on others

KorJax

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Aug 27, 2010
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I feel the weight of the world crushing on me this morning with thoughts about this.

I feel so dependant on others, to the point where I'm beginning to become afraid to engage with my friends and family as it'll only foster that dependency further. It gets to the point where I worry about me alienating others with these feelings.

Despite being blind to this when "in good spirits", deep down I know my happiness is intrinsically tied to others and it scares me. I get really anxious seeing people I care about do stuff without me or engage with others in a way that doesn't validate our relationship. I read into simple things as being personal against me. I feel a deep empathy for those I'm close to, and want them to feel understood when they are distressed, only to realize that I've got no understanding or empathy for myself, and can't ever be that positive "grounded" person I fantasize about being for others.

I know all about self love. I know about fostering a relationship with yourself and all that. I've read the books, blogs, posts, whatever. I'm frustrated because it feels like I'm just reading words without actually feeling them, cultivating them, believing them. Like I really don't know, and don't know where to start.


I'm dependant on other people to the point where I feel like I shouldn't engage with others, for it'll just make that dependency worse.
 
Mindfulness takes constant discipline and practice. Let go of the need to control and you won't be controlled by your need for others. Anyway, that's my take.
 
I feel the weight of the world crushing on me this morning with thoughts about this.

I feel so dependant on others, to the point where I'm beginning to become afraid to engage with my friends and family as it'll only foster that dependency further. It gets to the point where I worry about me alienating others with these feelings.

Despite being blind to this when "in good spirits", deep down I know my happiness is intrinsically tied to others and it scares me. I get really anxious seeing people I care about do stuff without me or engage with others in a way that doesn't validate our relationship. I read into simple things as being personal against me. I feel a deep empathy for those I'm close to, and want them to feel understood when they are distressed, only to realize that I've got no understanding or empathy for myself, and can't ever be that positive "grounded" person I fantasize about being for others.

I know all about self love. I know about fostering a relationship with yourself and all that. I've read the books, blogs, posts, whatever. I'm frustrated because it feels like I'm just reading words without actually feeling them, cultivating them, believing them. Like I really don't know, and don't know where to start.


I'm dependant on other people to the point where I feel like I shouldn't engage with others, for it'll just make that dependency worse.
Sounds like jealousy might be becoming a problem.

If the people you care about don't seem to need you as much as you need them, it is probably not a reflection on them, so much as how over dependent you are. You know this already, but the real question is about how to become more independent.

I think a significant step needs to be taken to develop your sense of independence. Going for a long holiday by yourself - the kind of holiday where you will have to interact with other people would be good. Perhaps a tour-group, where you travel with a particular group for a couple of weeks might be good. Something like this could force you to make new connections, while having fun.
 
Surprisingly, I agree with [MENTION=862]Flavus Aquila[/MENTION]. You need more independence from your friends and family.
 
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'm the opposite. I'm the one who runs fleeing at the hint of any kind of clinging.

I will just say that any behavior taken to extremes is unhealthy. Enjoy the moments of your life and try not to over emotionalize things. :)