define "liking" someone | INFJ Forum

define "liking" someone

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Jun 30, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    I was thinking about this the other day. i thought i'd try to understand what it means we say we "like" or have feelings for someone. As an exercise, i thought about two or three people i've "liked" in the past, and tried to deconstruct what i felt. I think i came to realize that my liking in some cases weren't real feelings at all, just feelings of admiration, infatuation, appreciation, etc. Most of the time, it seems i projected feelings rather than experienced true "liking" for the person. In other words, i fell for an ideal, not the person.

    So, my question is, what does it mean to "like" someone?



    Not sure if there's another topic like this. If there is, someone can post the link.

    Are you mostly feeling then thinking or thinking then feeling when you like someone?
     
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    #1 Gaze, Jun 30, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
  2. invisible

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    if i had found out, i would be with him!
     
  3. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    To like someone

    I think that there are different degrees of liking someone, as you have stated, but to like someone in the manner that you have stated, in my opinion, is to be able to connect with them at a certain level, to be able to look into their eyes and like what you see , and to know without any reason at all that you want to be with that person in every way possible...maybe I am going a bit overboard, but that is what I think it means
     
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  4. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    wanting to be with them ALL the time :D
     
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  5. OshunsDaughter

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    Ha, this is easy; I actually care about how they fare in their day-to-day life. B/c if my BS meter goes off or you just rub me the wrong way; I could care less if you exist.

    <But that is just how I am feeling right now about people in general>
    I'll have to see how I feel tomorrow :)
    ----
    Hmm after editing; if I 'like' a dude or a woman, well, I care if they exist in my world. If I feel like my life is not improved by your presence in it chances are, I don't like you much. Like= actually, really, truly, deeply, care about your existence (your being) in the way only an infj can understand.
     
    #5 OshunsDaughter, Jun 30, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
  6. OP
    Gaze

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    interesting responses so far.
     
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  7. Roger

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    Agree. My opinion goes in this way: Liking someone means accept them as they are. Respect and love their qualities. When i like someone i like to share my things with them. this means find flexibility with them.

    Liking means a lot.
     
  8. OP
    Gaze

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    QUESTION ADDED:

    Are you mostly feeling then thinking or thinking then feeling when you like someone?
     
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  9. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    Definitely Feeling. I don't think that i have ever had a raitonal reason for developing feelings for people
     
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  10. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    hehe same. it's not a rational decision to like someone, or love them for that matter, just happens because you happen to connect, something about both your characters is innately compatible ~ or maybe you've developed them to be. either way, sparks fly and before you know it you're pulling rabbits out of hats and making cards disappear.. pure magic ;)
     
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  11. Roger

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    I have strong NF. But sometimes first my mind and heart thinks first, filters the thing and then feel.

    note: heart is the thing, you can't control. No. you can't. You can just follow it. :D
     
  12. dark_angel

    dark_angel Community Member

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    I am attracted to the person within so I guess that would be thinking then feeling.
     
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  13. Faye

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    You are definitely feeling then thinking.

    Edit: Or actually, how do you really separate the two?
     
  14. Detective Conan

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    Well, actually, I've come to realize my definition of liking someone has grown considerably more lax than it was 4 or 5 years back. Back then, there was very little space between liking and loving someone, but I was a dumb kid back then (I still am a dumb person, just older). Now, the gap between loving and liking someone, for me, is massive. Liking starts when I favor one person above a vast majority, so I can like multiple people at once. Loving is a different story, of course.

    For me, liking someone is definitely feeling, and then thinking (maybe).
     
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  15. Russ84

    Russ84 Community Member

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    When I "like" someone, when I first see them I can feel a slight jerk, or shock, not really sure how to describe it except it is kind of like when you get shocked by static electricity throughout my entire body but without the pain or discomfort, and my heart rate increases (adrenaline maybe?). Sorry for the run-on sentence, but I could not think of a better way to put it. When that person is in the room, I generally feel blissful yet nervous. When they leave, I tend to be saddened.

    It is definitely feeling first and I have tried later to rationalize why I feel the way I do, and can give possible reasons such as intellect or having similar interests, but those never hold much weight to me. Reasons just seem empty, like trying to describe emotions with words. It is just something that I feel, there is not way for me to explain why I do, I just do.
     
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    #15 Russ84, Jun 30, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
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  16. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I think liking people is my default setting. It's only when they do/say something unusually rude or inconsiderate that I begin to dislike them.

    What is it for me to like someone? To get satisfaction from seeing them happy - which means I'll occasionally do something to try to contribute to their happiness. (As @Shai Gar: is quick to point out, there is probably something selfish in enjoying other's happiness).
     
    #16 Flavus Aquila, Jun 30, 2010
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  17. OP
    Gaze

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    I've been trying to reason through it as well, and i'm stumped. But i think i'm at that point where i need to understand the reason for liking because I think i invest too much of my feelings in superficial things and jumping from liking to strong attraction very quickly. This means liking is not being reasoned through which is not wise. This is why i'm curious about the many ways we define it.
     
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  18. dark_angel

    dark_angel Community Member

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    ^^^ This. I am struggling to separate the two.

    There are many people I like or am drawn to for different reasons, even sexually attracted to but that doesn't mean I want to get involved with them. I first suss them out to see if I like the person within (looks fade). If I like the person within and they are attractive then it is a bonus :D
     
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    #18 dark_angel, Jun 30, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
  19. OP
    Gaze

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    Yeah, i'm kinda surprised at how easy it is to be sexually attracted to someone without much thought or encouragement. But in any case, as you've said, being sexually attracted doesn't mean that you're compatible or should get involved with them. Hmm. I think I take my feelings of attraction too seriously sometimes. I always assume they mean something significant when it's really just that - an attraction. I think it's because my feelings are so intense that it feels like more than it should be.
     
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    #19 Gaze, Jun 30, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
  20. dark_angel

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    There were many a times that I reacted to "just that - attraction" and made a fool of myself. I have learnt with time that yeah attraction in most cases is just that attraction and you will continue to be attracted to people whether you are in a relationship or not, it doesn't always mean you have to act on it.
     
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