Last night I had the most unsettling experience.
I was up late, playing video games and generally enjoying the slow moving morning. There was a storm on. It seemed to sweep out of nowhere and drench the whole of the city under torrential rains.
There's a small swimming pool down in the parking lot this morning.
Excuse me if I have to work up to this. I'm embarrassed but I need some input.
When I was young, I was raised in a house that was being renovated. My parents decided it would be cheaper to live inside the house they were working on than to work from another location. The house was a mess. Terribly old, barely standing kind of place. Rain dripped into buckets when it rained and the roof was ancient tin.
Somewhere I developed a terrible, irrational fear of thunder. Not lightning, but thunder.
It never went away entirely. Down through the years it came and went but when I moved away from North Carolina there weren't the big horrible storms anymore. Not the kind that shake the ground. Oh, Wisconsin has storms but rarely like that.
Last night we had one of those storms.
I went into my lover Salem's bedroom and crawled onto his bed and began just flat out sobbing. He had his window open and thunder crashed and I just collapsed. I couldn't control myself. I started weeping like a scared kitten.
I could barely breathe. I panicked. I shook. Salem held me and petted my head but I was way past reason. I came down from it reasonably quickly but now I'm unsettled still.
I want to know why on earth this happened. I'm a VERY rational person. I have great feelings but my fears are usually so controlled and this one was never EVER as bad as this. Not cowering in terror bad.
I was up late, playing video games and generally enjoying the slow moving morning. There was a storm on. It seemed to sweep out of nowhere and drench the whole of the city under torrential rains.
There's a small swimming pool down in the parking lot this morning.
Excuse me if I have to work up to this. I'm embarrassed but I need some input.
When I was young, I was raised in a house that was being renovated. My parents decided it would be cheaper to live inside the house they were working on than to work from another location. The house was a mess. Terribly old, barely standing kind of place. Rain dripped into buckets when it rained and the roof was ancient tin.
Somewhere I developed a terrible, irrational fear of thunder. Not lightning, but thunder.
It never went away entirely. Down through the years it came and went but when I moved away from North Carolina there weren't the big horrible storms anymore. Not the kind that shake the ground. Oh, Wisconsin has storms but rarely like that.
Last night we had one of those storms.
I went into my lover Salem's bedroom and crawled onto his bed and began just flat out sobbing. He had his window open and thunder crashed and I just collapsed. I couldn't control myself. I started weeping like a scared kitten.
I could barely breathe. I panicked. I shook. Salem held me and petted my head but I was way past reason. I came down from it reasonably quickly but now I'm unsettled still.
I want to know why on earth this happened. I'm a VERY rational person. I have great feelings but my fears are usually so controlled and this one was never EVER as bad as this. Not cowering in terror bad.
