Confused about enfp! | INFJ Forum

Confused about enfp!

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Winterinfj, Apr 1, 2020.

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  1. Winterinfj

    Winterinfj Newbie

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    Hi guys!
    Im very new to all this so apologies if im doing this incorrectly. However, i am in somewhat desperate need for advice.
    I met an enfp friend a year ago, we pretty much spoke all the time and were inseperable. This insane closeness lasted around 5-6 months, although we'd known each other for a year. One day we spoke about how much we liked each other and BOTH agreed to just be friends. My enfp friend brought up the subject because they didnt want me to get hurt/wrong idea about our closeness. I responsed in that i like my enfp friend too but agree we should be friends and im not getting the wrong idea of the stick nor am i getting hurt.

    so everything was fine for about 2 weeks after. HOWEVER, my enfp suddenly started to become really distant. Taking ages to reply, stop sending me memes etc and when i asked the enfp they said they feel slightly unhappy/frustated and has been like that with everyone but doesnt know why.

    So i accepted and gave the enfp space. Howeever its been almost 2 months and the enfp no longer interacts with me anymore, but does with their other friends. And now i feel like it was personal but i dont understand what i did wrong?? im so so so upset over this and everytime i reach out the enfp takes ages to respond and replies with yes or no answers BUT seems happy with everyone else. Last time i saw the enfp 2 months ago, they seemed distant aswell
    i really want my friend back and dont understand why this has happened. Please can someome give me some insight? This is why ive joined this forum. we were inseperable and now i feel really used and upset :(

    Many thanks :)
     
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  2. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    For 99% of intents and purposes, you can't do anything about how someone feels. How she feels wont change unless you somehow become a different person. The reason this logic doesn't seem right is because she once liked you, and no longer does. She got to know you. This isn't to say anything about you. It's simply a matter of what she wants. Who knows what's going on in her head. There's no point trying to figure it out.
     
    #2 ruji, Apr 1, 2020
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2020
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  3. Aneirin

    Aneirin AKA, David
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    welcome to this place. . my you find someone here that has your answers for you. . I dont know why people get close, then suddenly distance themselves. I'm not sure that it has anything to do with their MBTI type. something happened, probably in their life that changed something that you don't know anything about. .good luck, and I hope you find the answers you seek
     
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  4. OP
    Winterinfj

    Winterinfj Newbie

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    Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate that, but i dont understand why he dropped me like a hat. I feel used and im trying to keep our friendship afloat considering we both agreed to just be friends. I didnt even bring up the topic. Do you think i should just let it go? My biggest fear is he'll forget all about me. Then i wish we never met in the first place :(
     
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  5. OP
    Winterinfj

    Winterinfj Newbie

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    Thanks for replying! I completley agree, i find it rude for someone to leave so abruptly :(
     
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  6. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    Do you think he wanted more than a friendship?
     
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  7. OP
    Winterinfj

    Winterinfj Newbie

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    We were getting super close so he addressed the matter and said he doesnt want to hurt me and to let me know he's not in the right frame of mind to enter a relationship. To which i agreed with. However we both said we have feelings for each other but are better as friends. I assumed we would just carry on as friends. I could have easily gotten offended that he said at first he didnt want to be with me. I cant comprehend why he'd stop talking to me all together. We've known each other for a while
     
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  8. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    Okay. Do you think he wanted a sexual relationship? I'm asking because maybe he didn't want anything longer-term than that.
     
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  9. OP
    Winterinfj

    Winterinfj Newbie

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    haha no, to my knowledge he's not that type of guy. Im guessing i'll have to let this one go, at difficult as it is !!
     
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  10. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    Okay. It might not be any of those basic things. But like I said before, you can't change how someone feels. Though people tend to keep problematic beliefs to themselves. Try to talk to him about what it is he doesn't want to talk about. Ask him basic things like if there's someone else, or if he thinks that you want something more, and he doesn't want to lead you on. Ask what he wants out of life. What does he want to do. Ask him things that you know he wouldn't want to admit, and leading with the intention of not judging or reprimanding him for his thoughts or feelings.
     
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  11. Akanksha

    Akanksha Newbie

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    Feels like somebody wrote on my behalf...
    I'm sorry but the truth is get over it.. ENFPs are like that! No doubt you had that thing but now it's gone.. either you can embrace it or cry about it.
    As an INFJ we try to put everything together as much as possible.. because we hate letting go.. not relationship? Ok stay as friends! Not friends? Okay just see me sometime! Not meeting? Okay just call!! We hate losing people :)
    But on behalf of ENFP you need to understand that it can be overwhelming for them.. they get uncomfortable because like we get uncomfortable when we keep something undecided. It's better if you focus on being good human if they'll want you probably will come back (infjs are hard to replace)
     
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  12. OP
    Winterinfj

    Winterinfj Newbie

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    Thanks for replying. I was really upset the day i wrote that because i felt so used. Also because i wouldnt drop someone like that. But upon reflection i thin youre right, i do need to get over it. I do hope he comes back into my life again and we hang out occasionally. Hes really nice. Sometimes (well most times) i hate being an infj :p I always feel like we care way more than we're supposed to...which is probably why we never really feel 100% understood. I appreciate your response and was exactly what i needed to hear :) ! x
     
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