Compatability help for an INFJ please | INFJ Forum

Compatability help for an INFJ please

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by ker.shi, Dec 29, 2009.

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  1. ker.shi

    ker.shi Three

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    Hi guys,

    I've been reading the posts around here and have been loving the site :) I'm posting this to get an idea of compatability for me (male) and another guy who has asked me to be his boyfriend.

    Me (INFJ):
    I: 63%
    N: 55%
    F: 66%
    J: 58%

    Him (ENFJ):
    E: 62%
    N/S: 50/50%
    F: 59%
    [FONT=&quot]J: 62%[/FONT]

    Any help is appreciated... I guess it's kinda INFJ nature to be super catious? I'm not really the type to just jump into things and hope for the best, I really want to have a good idea of what to expect. We've only been on one date and the chemistry was really really good... and he's really thoughtful (and attractive xd) but I feel like he's moving things too fast? It makes me feel so uncomfortable. But if I told him to take things slower directly I think I might offend him. I tried hinting at it indirectly but, um, didn't really get anywhere with the whole lets be friends for a little longer hint. My thoughts at the moment are to go totally against my nature and say yes...

    Thanks for reading, it's hard cuz I don't really have anyone to talk to ^.^
     
  2. smiffy

    smiffy Community Member

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    ok just hang out with him and find out! there are too many variables in personality tests on any given day you will have diff personalities. If your worried about getting hurt, even in a perfect match you could get hurt!!

    I reckon a INFJ/ENFJ partnership is worth a go! just go for it if you like him, if you dont like him then dont
     
  3. JohnDoe

    JohnDoe Guest

    Sounds like your hung up on a word as opposed to anything else. Why not just go with the flow and just not do anything you don't want to do?
     
  4. Introspiritual

    Introspiritual Community Member

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    The two biggest sticking points for an INFJ with an ENFJ:

    - socialization needs
    - ENFJ "manipulation" (the moving too fast thing, for example)

    Those are probably the two largest hurdles. Communication and honesty will definitely be needed to address them. If you can work them out, typology-wise you should be set. :)
     
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  5. JohnDoe

    JohnDoe Guest

    I realize I'm new here, so maybe this is really obvious to you, but can you explain how any of this has been manipulation?
     
  6. Introspiritual

    Introspiritual Community Member

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    Note that I put "manipulation" in quotes - let me explain further.

    ENFJs tend to subtly move people towards what they perceive is best for the person (Ni feeding Fe). Being the "Teacher" archetype, this is part of how they help people develop themselves, and can be a very useful skill along those lines. However, too much of a good thing (or a good thing misdirected) can be bad - like an ENFJ manager where I work who uses her "ins" with people to get them to do what she wants them to, not what is necessarily best.

    My experience with (attempting to) date an ENFJ felt much the same way. She had decided she wanted me and I was still mulling it over, trying to really decide if we would actually make a decent couple, given our noticeable differences in many areas. The subtle (and later not-so-subtle) pressure on me was quickly ramped up until I got a bit angry about it - but ultimately it was other factors that led to us not working out.
     
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  7. JohnDoe

    JohnDoe Guest

    I don't see what that has to do with being an ENFJ. INFJ's do that just as often.
     
  8. Siela25

    Siela25 Regular Poster

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    What you don't want to hear:

    1. You're dating a person, not a type. All ENFJs aren't created equal and this one may or may not be a good fit for you.

    2. Only you can choose who's best for you. We could tell you that INFJ/ENFJ is compatible, but what would that mean to you? It would only get as far as being his girlfriend. What next? If you have concerns now, they will only deepen. Don't use our advice as justification to ignore your instincts. You're an INFJ for cryin' out loud! :)
     
  9. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    Tell him you're interested but you want to take things slow and be specific about what you want. If you try to imply it, he is likely to interpret your unwillingness as you not being interested in him. He is still a person who wants very much to find someone and is afraid, maybe very afraid, of being rejected, so take that into account.

    INFJs typically like being friends with someone or otherwise getting to know them before being intimate, as far as I have observed.
     
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