changes in the stages of development from childhood to adulthood | INFJ Forum

changes in the stages of development from childhood to adulthood

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Mar 16, 2013.

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  1. Gaze

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    What were your experiences growing up? How would you describe the stages of development you went through from childhood to young adulthood to adulthood?

    So, I was watching a talk show and one of the guests was a single dad who was concerned about his 14 year old's interesting in dating. Now, she had never dated but has been communicating with someone in her school, who is 16. She is quite mature and seems to be responsible. Now, throughout the show, she is referred to as a kid and I have an issue with that. When you see her, she could easily pass for 16 or 17. She handles herself quite well, quite smart, sophisticated. It seems she wants to go out with her boyfriend to dinner, while her father wants her to only date in groups, or if she does go on couple dates, that he takes her to and from the dates.

    When I was around her age, we weren't considered kids. We were younger adults. Yep, we were very sheltered but you're weren't treated as if you were just born yesterday. Children weren't raised to be perpetual kids. So, it's odd hearing and seeing this young woman spoken to as if she were a child.

    When does a kid stop being a kid?
     
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  2. this is only temporary

    this is only temporary Community Member

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    For me, it was when I was living on my own and self-supporting. So, starting at 18 but frankly being kind of lousy at it until around 25 or so. It took me a little while. ;) I was definitely not even close at 14.

    On a more psychological level, it feels like a complete paradigm shift when you stop expecting your parents to take care of you. When you make attempts to forgive them for any mistakes they may have made, and when you start to think of parents and adults as actual flawed yet loveable human beings instead of dimwitted Parental Units with no past prior to your birth, designed solely to harass and/or feed you. You start actually being friends with your parents, or people their age.

    Also, having a humbling experience knowing you don't, and probably never will, know it all, and you find a willingness to learn from those with more experience rather than resent them.Those are all feelings I went through during the becoming an adult process -- but I'm not entirely certain it is ever completely finished.
     
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  3. OP
    Gaze

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    I don't think 14 is grown up. But I don't think it's realistic to treat a teen or young adult as a kid. I've noticed that our concept of development today is a big leap rather than a gradual slope. Kids don't seem to have the opportunity to truly grow into adults because they are either exposed to adult experiences much earlier faster than their emotions can handle it. There seems to be more quicker or overnight transitions to adulthood. But on the other hand, they are also sometimes so often told to enjoy being kids that they are not mentored in preparation for adulthood, and then one day are suddenly told they are now an adult and on your own, and must now take on complete responsibility for themselves. It's one of the most misguided and somewhat damaging ways to raise a child. And every child or young adult is an individual. Children grow up differently and may experience their development differently from their peers. Lumping everyone the same age in the same category, assuming they are the same in every way including personal development can disadvantage some and hold back others. How health is it to ignore or dismiss individual social and psychological differences. I've known 15 year olds who are more mature and responsible than some 19 and 20 year olds because of how they were raised. Growing up, we were already made aware that we were responsible for ourselves emotionally and socially, if not financially. So, personal responsibility and accountability was something we learned early. So, it's really the kind of socialization and education that you receive early which shapes the kind of teen or adult you become.
     
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    this is only temporary Community Member

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    ^^ Perhaps so, in fact, I'd say I know some 15 year olds who are more responsible and mature than a few 50-60 year olds I know.

    That said, convincing a group of overprotective fathers that their 14-year-old daughters are not kids is going to be a tough sell. Especially since they're probably not thinking of how responsible and mature their daughters are, but how responsible and mature the 14-16 year old boys they will be dating are. :)
     
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    Gaze

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    Agree, I wouldn't expect a dad to think differently. Of course, dads are going want to protect their "little girls." That's normal. Wouldn't have it any other way, especially if it was my daughter. I would want her dad to be protective. My point is really about how we see growing up throughout our society and how this may differ even across cultures.
     
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  6. #@&5&49

    #@&5&49 Well-known member

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    I was just reading about this. They were saying the age range for the term "kid" has lengthened. Meaning 25 year olds are still referred to as kids. They were also saying that today you will see more people in their mid twenties living at home with their parents and putting off marriage and having children until later in life. When I was growing up 18 was considered an adult because you could vote, drink, and be drafted. I think the criteria for determining adulthood and maturity are vastly different. Everyone physically reaches adulthood, but not everyone reaches emotional maturity. You could almost say that adulthood is inevitable but maturity is optional :becky:
     
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  7. OP
    Gaze

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    @Sadie. Agree, today, being an "adult" is more often associated with independence along with financial and personal responsibility, but not necessarily maturity. In the past, reaching the legal age, social responsibility, along with your readiness to get a job and care for family was the mark of adulthood. Now, it's different. Look at couples in the 1930s and 1940s who got married at 15 or 18 and are still married after 60 years? But of course, those were different times. Being 15-18 today is definitely not the same as 15-18 fifty years ago. At that time, you didn't need college to get a job or earn a living and buy a home, start a family, etc. It's funny how things change. It's interesting how social perceptions change. To think of a 25 year old as a kid sounds honestly quite odd. In other countries, 16, not 18 is the legal age to vote and of adulthood. So, that's another factor.
     
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  8. Azazel

    Azazel Community Member

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    When? I think it depends on the level of maturity but people will still refer to you as a kid when you're a teenager or maybe even older. The age of consent in certain countries is 14-16, some vote as early as 16.
    My parents thought I was a kid before I moved out and started to live on my own, which was 18(?). 18 meant adult, it meant taking at least some responsibilities when/where I was growing up. I don't see it happening where I am right now, 18 year olds are all treated like children, imo.
     
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  9. #@&5&49

    #@&5&49 Well-known member

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    Without separating the difference between adulthood and maturity (in the hopes that the two remain intact :becky:). I guess the cutoff point would be dependent on a combination of things; the parents level of maturity and parenting skills, the child's level of maturity and ability to assume adult responsibilities, and to a degree social norms and expectations.
     
  10. Paladin-X

    Paladin-X Permanent Fixture

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    Technically childhood ends at puberty, when adolescence begins. Interestingly, the brain continues developing through to the late 20s.
     
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    Gaze

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    This brings up an interesting point. Social, mental, personal, physical, sexual, and emotional development don't often occur at the same time or experienced in the same way.
     
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  12. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    In addition, during puberty years, the brain literally rewires itself and synapses, which is heard to be the cause of why teenagers have the reputation that they do.
     
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  13. Sriracha

    Sriracha Not here.
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    I've been having to describe these stages to my oldest, who is 10. I have to be careful I'm not labeling him too young, but don't want to bloat his ego either. We've had to have many discussions about his attitude, and I have told them I believe it is mostly a result of his hormones ... and to pick up that book I bought him about all that stuff and read it (he refuses, idk why.) At any rate, I was telling him he is an older boy right now, but in going through puberty he is transforming to a young man. I'd consider him to be a young adult when he is around 16-17ish and exhibiting a degree of responsibility to be labeled as such.

    I think the factor of responsibility falls on the parents to properly guide their children. Responsibility is a learned behavior, not one with which we are born.
     
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