Can an INFJ exist without a soulmate?
- Thread starter Lisabeth
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Absolutely. Depending on what your dreams are and what type of mentality you have regarding life. For example; I don't want a soul mate. Why? I don't find it appealing. I want to "be free," as corny as that sounds, and I feel like a life time partner would slow me down, as selfish as that seems. So yes, it is very possible.
I'm not all that familiar with what a soul mate is. I haven't done a lot of research about it. Personally, I think a soul mate is someone you've known through many lifetimes, not necessarily a life partner but a partner through lifetimes. Can people live without finding a soul mate. I guess. I'm not exactly sure why some people feel they have found a soul mate and others do not. If you find the answer to that I would be curious to know.
I know that I've known my husband through many lifetimes and that I will probably know him again after this lifetime. Why we know each other again and again I'm not sure. To me it's a very powerful bond. A bit like in the movie "What Dreams May Come". I've also had dreams about people that I've known in different lifetimes and I sense karmic ties with certain people. We don't always have the same relationship in this life that we had in a previous life but our paths cross again. Someone once told me that we meet again and again to resolve conflicts that we've had in previous lives. I don't know if that's true or not but it's an interesting thought. I'm not sure if any of this answers your question but it's an interesting topic.
PS. Can you get me some of those fukitol pills?? :becky:
I know that I've known my husband through many lifetimes and that I will probably know him again after this lifetime. Why we know each other again and again I'm not sure. To me it's a very powerful bond. A bit like in the movie "What Dreams May Come". I've also had dreams about people that I've known in different lifetimes and I sense karmic ties with certain people. We don't always have the same relationship in this life that we had in a previous life but our paths cross again. Someone once told me that we meet again and again to resolve conflicts that we've had in previous lives. I don't know if that's true or not but it's an interesting thought. I'm not sure if any of this answers your question but it's an interesting topic.
PS. Can you get me some of those fukitol pills?? :becky:
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I believe my husband is m soulmate if you use the description of what a soulmate is from Sadie's description. It was a mutual awareness when we met and we discussed it right off the bat. We're not new agey people who hang out in new agey circles where such things are openly discussed, so it's kind of notable in that sense that the matter spontaneously came up. I also saw him in a dream when I was about 7 and a friend of mine who gets premonitions did mention I was going to meet my future husband, what month and described the place prior. I kind of brushed it off. My husband's ex went to a psychic who said he was going to meet his future wife whilst in my area. There's tons of coincidences that kind of add up if you're open to that type of thinking.
That said it doesn't really change much in some sense. It's just life. I don't know if it has the significance that people pin on it: Sure it's easier in some sense. The instant familiarity...but as Sadie suspects and a friend of mine pointed out, there are also possibly re-occurring themes of difficulties so...you know. Not all unicorns and pixies...and pixieunicorns. Basically it's like any other relationship. Just one that has an eerie sense of familiarity and recognition at times, that I can only describe in the words of Dion Fortune (She was not referring to soulmates in her quote but it applies to the experience I had)
That said it doesn't really change much in some sense. It's just life. I don't know if it has the significance that people pin on it: Sure it's easier in some sense. The instant familiarity...but as Sadie suspects and a friend of mine pointed out, there are also possibly re-occurring themes of difficulties so...you know. Not all unicorns and pixies...and pixieunicorns. Basically it's like any other relationship. Just one that has an eerie sense of familiarity and recognition at times, that I can only describe in the words of Dion Fortune (She was not referring to soulmates in her quote but it applies to the experience I had)
You know.. but he's still the at times frustrating guy who leaves his socks lying around at the same time so... If my experience has truth to it and if I had memory of where we had been and what we'd done maybe I could say "You still can't stick your socks in a hamper...I remember you used to do the same thing last time around leaving your togas on the floor..." etc. ;D I could super-nag on a whole other level.
"Soulmate"...
Hmmm, don't really believe in such (currently) - I believe being content is dependent on acceptance/love of one's self. That said, having a person that clicks well/compliments you can certainly help in that regard, but it's not an absolute necessity.
Hmmm, don't really believe in such (currently) - I believe being content is dependent on acceptance/love of one's self. That said, having a person that clicks well/compliments you can certainly help in that regard, but it's not an absolute necessity.
If I were given a choice between a perfect person for the rest of my life, and a large destiny to fulfill, I would choose the destiny every time. Life is not fulfilling without purpose.
I don't believe in soul mates or love at first sight, only when it comes to picking animals. lol. I chose both of my pets on gut instinct and a spark I felt when I first interacted with them, and time has revealed they couldn't be a more perfect fit for me. Both awesome, sweet, super loving, intelligent and gorgeous animals. Now, if only this method worked on men. Hahaha!
I don't believe in soul mates or love at first sight, only when it comes to picking animals. lol. I chose both of my pets on gut instinct and a spark I felt when I first interacted with them, and time has revealed they couldn't be a more perfect fit for me. Both awesome, sweet, super loving, intelligent and gorgeous animals. Now, if only this method worked on men. Hahaha!
After going through my third 'soulmate', I kind of realized that it's pretty goofy to think that certain relationships are 'meant to be' or somehow have deeper significance than others. It's always nice (and rare) to meet someone that you get along with/have a lot in common with, but I really don't think that anyone is so unique and so deeply special that they couldn't feel the same things for thousands, even millions of other people. There are definitely more people that I don't connect with than people who I do, though… and I think everyone else is the same way.
On the other hand, I think if I made certain changes in my life and started taking a more active interest in certain things, then I'd probably end up having more, or maybe different 'soul mates'. It's true-- just think about what people want for themselves and you'll see that it's actually really easy to change yourself to conform to other people's expectations-- the only real question being 'are they worth it?', to which the answer is usually 'no'.
But anyways, if the question is 'can people be happy without love?', then I think that yes you can, but unfortunately you'd probably still be happier with it. People are just like that. So are some monkeys. And I think foxes too. And wolves. So, yeah, it's a wonderful thing.
On the other hand, I think if I made certain changes in my life and started taking a more active interest in certain things, then I'd probably end up having more, or maybe different 'soul mates'. It's true-- just think about what people want for themselves and you'll see that it's actually really easy to change yourself to conform to other people's expectations-- the only real question being 'are they worth it?', to which the answer is usually 'no'.
But anyways, if the question is 'can people be happy without love?', then I think that yes you can, but unfortunately you'd probably still be happier with it. People are just like that. So are some monkeys. And I think foxes too. And wolves. So, yeah, it's a wonderful thing.
Good question. I think this is possible, but what's most interesting is the graph I found in a book Singled Out (see attachment).
It shows 5 lines that are measuring level of happiness on a scale from 1-10 in a time span of 13 years.
The first one shows how happy students anticipated they would be if they got married. The last line at the bottom shows the same students anticipated happiness in case they remain single throughout their lives. The second line shows people who actually married and stayed married. The third line shows people who actually stayed single throughout the study. The fourth line shows those who married and eventually divorced.
The main finding from this study is that marriage did not "make" people happy. Typically people who got married enjoyed a brief honeymoon effect, then went back to being about as happy or unhappy as they were before they married.
Those people who remained single, were only slightly less happy that those that stayed married, yet note that slightly "happier" people were so even before they got married. Those who got divorced were least happy. The study also showed people greatly exaggerated how happy they would be if they got married (8,5) vs. if they remained single throughout their lives (3).
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if you feel this way, then it is likely you can not.
but, your feeelings are more a function of your instinctual variant stacking (sexual, social, and self preservation... check out the ennegram info for some great details into this, and take a test or two to determine what you are. you're an INFJ, you'll probably eat the concept up)
some people feel a need to know where they "fit in" to the larger social structure.
others feel they need to be prepared for the worst, and focus on issues of health, financial security, physical comfort, etc.
and lastly, some have a very keen sense of the interactive chemistry between individuals, and focus on issues of soulmates, and romantic relationships, etc.
i'd be willing to go out on a limb and say between the ages of birth, and 3 years old, you had one singular primary care giver (like a mom or dad...maybe some of both...), but did not have a large, close, extended family in your personal sphere, nor did you suffer an emtional or physical loss or discomfort, such as the death of a sibling, or chronic illness at those formative years...
ENT8
PS. Can you get me some of those fukitol pills?? :becky:[/QUOTE
I'm all out that is probably why I am giving a f*ck....totally waiting for the patch version though...
I'm curious to know if i'm correct?
it has to do with one particular hypothesis that I find so far to be very often true... and how one of these three types of environments will be the predominate one that you would have experienced in your formative years.... and that will dictate which "instinctual variant" is dominant within you... either social, sexual (more appropriately referred to as "intimate", however that is the more PC term. in the books it's called sexual) or self preservation.
here's a link to a little test u can take. no idea how accurate it is....but it'll probably give u some clue... and then, u can read up on the 3 instinctual variants from there.
I bring all this up because someone of the sexual instinctual variant would the the most likley one to echo your feelings of wanting a life partner so strongly. The interesting thing about it is.... the other 2 INFJ types are likley going to represent about 65-70% of the INFJ population...and they will actually not feel as strongly as you do about this, because their primary instictual variant isn't looking for "completion" like the sexual variant does... they have OTHER core motivations that nag at them should the be left unfulfilled.
hope it gives u some insights!
http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test-2.php
Well...there are lots of different people in the world. And lots of different INFJs. So yes, I don't see why not?
i met my boyfriend (of 2+ years now) in my 11th grade sociology class. the first day we sat facing each other, and i remember getting a very strong vibe about him that i had never previously felt about a person. he had some kind of awareness that other people simply didn't seem to have, like our brains were completely on the same wavelength. talking to him was instantly easy and sharing things with him didn't bother me like it did with other people. since this is the first time this has happened to me and we're still together, i don't necessarily know that it's an uncommon experience or that it couldn't happen again if we didn't work out. only time will answer that question. but either way, it certainly feels like having a soul mate. and i, personally, need that.
but anyone can exist without a significant other and do a lot of good for the world regardless. it's just a matter of what motivates you as a person.
but anyone can exist without a significant other and do a lot of good for the world regardless. it's just a matter of what motivates you as a person.
I'm curious to know if i'm correct?
it has to do with one particular hypothesis that I find so far to be very often true... and how one of these three types of environments will be the predominate one that you would have experienced in your formative years.... and that will dictate which "instinctual variant" is dominant within you... either social, sexual (more appropriately referred to as "intimate", however that is the more PC term. in the books it's called sexual) or self preservation.
here's a link to a little test u can take. no idea how accurate it is....but it'll probably give u some clue... and then, u can read up on the 3 instinctual variants from there.
I bring all this up because someone of the sexual instinctual variant would the the most likley one to echo your feelings of wanting a life partner so strongly. The interesting thing about it is.... the other 2 INFJ types are likley going to represent about 65-70% of the INFJ population...and they will actually not feel as strongly as you do about this, because their primary instictual variant isn't looking for "completion" like the sexual variant does... they have OTHER core motivations that nag at them should the be left unfulfilled.
hope it gives u some insights!
http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test-2.php
I just took the test and it says I am type 9 (the Peacemaker) with 1 wing
It might depend on when you ask.
A friend of mine who's on the verge of 30 cries over the thought of reaching that age without a soulmate and children. She said she didn't care at all until this point in her life.
A friend of mine who's on the verge of 30 cries over the thought of reaching that age without a soulmate and children. She said she didn't care at all until this point in her life.