Balancing Fe + Fi: how does one do this, pray tell? | INFJ Forum

Balancing Fe + Fi: how does one do this, pray tell?

Gaze

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My Fi is waaaaaaay too high. And Fe is working overtime to dial down my Fi - it's draining.


So, how do you find the right balance betwen Fi and Fe?
 
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My Fi is waaaaaaay too high. And Fe is working overtime to dial down my Fi - it's draining.


So, how do you find the right balance betwen Fi and Fe?

Deep breaths. (Not kidding, actually)

You have to stop yourself every time you feel your Fi taking over, then force yourself to stop and consider everyone else's feelings and needs, then put them ahead of your own. A deep breath is usually the amount of time required to reset and begin this process.

The trick is convincing your Fi that this is what makes you a good person. After a while it will become reflexive. Unless it's because you have too much overwhelming your Fi, at which point you have to convince yourself to just let it go, and whatever is overwhelming you is not valid.
 
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I usually...
a) believing that this is a necessary evil / necessary sacrifice
b) asking myself to persevere
c) compromising people's needs with my own and vice versa.
d) trying to convince that it's not that bad.

but that's simple case.. Longer case of Fi overreacting would be done like this;

Yes. Deep breathe...."What do YOU want?"

In my case, Fi usually manifested within Fe; seeing how unreasonable and unfair the world is and so on, and not making any sense / little sense; then Fe chiding Fi for being unreasonable, rinse and repeat. So I...usually....simplify my needs; using Ni, mentally simplify the feelings I have inside until one simple phrase.

"Aaaah what's happening I feel uncomfortable why did they do this? Don't they know I am doing this? Why don't they care? Why? Why? I feel urrrghahahahhaghahaaaaaaaaa" </hyperbole> into :

"...Okay. So I want this and that." Then ask again, is this still hard to do / unreasonable / too risky, offending, or annoying to do (Fe + Ti)? If so, then can we make any compromising? (Fe + Fi). Rinse and repeat, until you feel satisfied either way. Then lastly let Fe and Ti do their job: "What can we do?"

In cases of direct confrontation of Fe vs Fi; mentallyconsole yourself, "I know you're overwhelmed and stressed, but...." fill in the blanks with whatever coming through your mind (Ni)
 
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So, if I am getting crazy perturbed in social situations and being overwhelmed by internal emotions, would you say that is an overactive Fi or a failure of Fi?

I tend to overanalyze things way too much and just kind of go into overload, stereotypical of AvPD.
 
So, if I am getting crazy perturbed in social situations and being overwhelmed by internal emotions, would you say that is an overactive Fi or a failure of Fi?

The proverbial bull inside a china shop, I would say.
 
wat exactly do you concider as your Fi and Fe, Res? In what way is Fi way to high and in what way is Fe doing overtime?

Pretty much as VH and NAI mentioned . . . Self vs. other dichotomy. Balancing the needs of self vs. the expectations of the social environment.
 
You have to stop yourself every time you feel your Fi taking over, then force yourself to stop and consider everyone else's feelings and needs, then put them ahead of your own. ...

The trick is convincing your Fi that this is what makes you a good person. After a while it will become reflexive.

is it?? Does considering everyone elses feelings and needs over your own make you a good person?

it doesn't do it for me because I have tried that before and doing things for others out of Fe is all superficial and meaningless if Fi isn't backing it up.
But that's just me, maybe it works for you
 
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mhm....
........

may I suggest alcohol?

:m083:

You know. May not be such a bad idea. And i haven't had a good drink in a long time so why not.

*digs for bottle of champagne*
 
Pretty much as VH and NAI mentioned . . . Self vs. other dichotomy. Balancing the needs of self vs. the expectations of the social environment.
If I may chime in...in what way? Do you feel yourself suffering? Because if that's the case; Fi is right. But if you think Fi's just...whiny, then well; yeah.
is it?? Does considering everyone elses feelings and needs over your own make you a good person?

it doesn't do it for me because I have tried that before and doing things for others out of Fe is all superficial and meaningless if Fi isn't backing it up.
But that's just me, maybe it works for you
I can see your argument, and I personally agreed to a point, but personally, always putting Fe in the throne of Fi... cannot do well especially to INFJs whose natural function is Fe; because there's another function filling the role of Fi in your case; Ni; in this case, a sense of purpose.

But as I said, I agreed to a point; think of Fi not as 'happiness' here, but survival.
 
i'm not sure. what's the real difference between Fe and Fi, anyway?
 
is it?? Does considering everyone elses feelings and needs over your own make you a good person?

it doesn't do it for me because I have tried that before and doing things for others out of Fe is all superficial and meaningless if Fi isn't backing it up.
But that's just me, maybe it works for you

It is just as unhealthy for an Fi user to let their Fe take over as it is for an Fe user to let their Fi take over. The reason for this is simple. The opposing function is a shadow function, and therefore has developed the 'worst' parts of that function.

This is why so many INFJs complain about Fi. INFJs generally have a very unhealthy Fi, and the negative traits that INFJs associate with Fi are coming from their own experiences with their own Fi. All of those negative things you read that INFJs say about Fi is because this is what is in their Fi - aka they are railing on their own shortcomings, but people can only measure anything by their own perspective. When Fi is dominant, it is a very healthy function with a lot of beneficial traits. When it is not dominant, it brings with it more negative traits than beneficial.

The opposite is true. All the negative things Fi users have to say about Fe stems from their own Fe being under developed and a shadow function. Normally, Fe is a very beneficial function when it is dominant. But, when it is a shadow function, that's when we see more of the 'dark side' of it.

It's not a case of which one is better overall. It's a case of which one is better for the individual. Fi is better for an Fi user. Fe is better for an Fe user. Fi can be self defeating to an Fe user. Fe can be self defeating to an Fi user. It's always good to keep these two functions in check if you are a feeler. Otherwise, things can get out of hand... and at the speed of an emotional response that skips right past reason.
 
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So, if I am getting crazy perturbed in social situations and being overwhelmed by internal emotions, would you say that is an overactive Fi or a failure of Fi?

Neither.

Both Fe and Fi are cognitive functions. Neither are responsible for, or the source of, emotion. Each is a judging function that determines this vs. that based on an external or internal hierarchy of values, respectively.


cheers,
Ian
 
i'm not sure. what's the real difference between Fe and Fi, anyway?

The locus point of the hierarchy of values from which valuation is judged and assigned.

Fe = external
Fi = internal


cheers,
Ian