So I noticed that there are not many ENFJs on here. Want to know what is going on inside the mind of an ENFJ and/or what makes us tick? Ask me any question (whether serious, casual, or silly) and I'll answer from my ENFJ perspective. =)
Ask an ENFJ!
- Thread starter DareToFly
- Start date
Woo, ENFJs! I only know one for certain in my life (my sister). 
How do you feel about going to parties, events, etc.?
Do you like meeting new people?
How are you with planning things, do you like to plan things well in advance, for instance?
How about organization, would you say you're a fairly organized individual?
How do you feel about going to parties, events, etc.?
Do you like meeting new people?
How are you with planning things, do you like to plan things well in advance, for instance?
How about organization, would you say you're a fairly organized individual?
I've kind of always wanted to interact with ENFJs; only ever interacted much with INF of both varieties. In fact, I've also interacted with ISFs, and an ENFP....and some ESFJs. ENFJs? Not really!
Maybe, why might it be that I just don't seem to run into many of them?
Maybe, why might it be that I just don't seem to run into many of them?
Woo, ENFJs! I only know one for certain in my life (my sister).
How do you feel about going to parties, events, etc.?
Do you like meeting new people?
How are you with planning things, do you like to plan things well in advance, for instance?
How about organization, would you say you're a fairly organized individual?
How do you feel about going to parties, events, etc.?
I do enjoy large social events/gatherings and being able to mingle with a variety of types of people. However, my ultimate preference is to hang out with people in more intimate setting in which we can really get to know one another. I find small talk and "casual niceties/exchanges" to be boring. While I am very social, I generally do not enjoy the party scene. I could never really get into college parties and I think it's because so much immaturity goes on that I can't relate with. lol I love to have fun, but "partying" kind of fun just feels shallow and pointless to me. My kind of fun is going on adventures, road trip, exploring, or doing something creative like filming a comedic video, skit, or prank video (love prank calls, admittedly. lol) or working on a movie project (I'm really into videography) with a friend or group of friends. I like exploring, discovering, and creating things.
Do you like meeting new people?
Definitely love meeting new people. While I can get along with pretty much anyone and do have friends of all types, I find that I gravitate towards introverts and also people who are very unique and maybe unconventional in a lot of ways. I also really gravitate towards people who need a friend, who are lonely, going through a hardship, etc. I can usually see the positive potential in people and love encouraging them to reach this potential. Helping and inspiring people is truly what makes me happy. If I feel like I'm not doing anything to make a difference in the world, I get depressed and feel unfulfilled.
How are you with planning things, do you like to plan things well in advance, for instance?
I am very much a planner and like to plan well in advance if possible. I am always making to-do lists, schedules, etc. I am a perfectionist when it comes to myself, however with other people I am extremely lenient and do not expect much from them. lol That said, I am more of a "bigger picture" type person. For example, if I were to make a New Years Resolution list, I find that I tend to focus on the big picture of my various goals. So while I like to plan things, I do tend to put off planning out the actual details/logistic. I think that most ENFJs are definitely not detail-oriented people by nature, however because we are so motivated and passionate about our goals, this is a weakness that a lot of us try to overcome. My dreams/goals are so strong that I often force myself to do figure out the details/logistics of something, even though this doesn't come naturally to me. It's the actual outcome, aka bigger picture that drives me. The logistics of execution are boring and mundane to me, but I find it a necessary "cross" to bear in order to get to where I want to be.
How about organization, would you say you're a fairly organized individual?
I'm pretty organized and like structure. If circumstances don't permit this, I can get stressed out depending on what the impact is. With that said, I can adapt to new situations easily and find new ways of doing things.
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Are you an ENFJ using Jungian typology/offshoots or the Big 5/dimensional approach?
This is actually a really interesting and fairly complicated question, which is why the answer is probably going to be a really long and in-depth answer. This issue has had such personal relevance in my own life before I truly discovered myself and got into MBTI. I apologize in advance for the novel. lol
First of all, ENFJs are very rare, supposedly consisting of only 2.5% of the population. On top of ENFJs' rarity, the less emotionally developed ones often wear masks to hide what they're truly feeling and thinking. They project what the world wants to see, and hide who they truly are. Kind of like a chameleon. Very social, they are often so eager to be liked and accepted by people in order to fit in that they hide themselves. Sometimes it can be difficult to "discover" an ENFJ, which is probably why you find you don't run into them a whole lot. They're often hiding or blending into the crowd.
There is a saying-- ENFJs often feel lonely even when surrounded by plenty of other people. ENFJs can be popular and well-liked, with many friends, and yet feel incredibly lonely.
ENFJs have a very deep emotional life and often feel that the world doesn't understand them or relate with them, so they show a different side of themselves to the world in order to get their social needs fulfilled. The problem is, that this doesn't actually fulfill them. ENFJs are only truly fulfilled when they are understood and loved for who they are. The exception would be those people that the ENFJ is very close to emotionally, who get to see the ENFJ's true self, such as a significant other or close friend. This is one reason that ENFJs desire close relationships so much, because they do have a very strong need to share their deepest emotions and feelings with people. We need to be able to release all of our feelings and share things with someone we trust, because in our minds there is an almost constant whirlwind with thoughts of our emotions, feelings, etc and we need to let loose.
ENFJs do not hide their true selves on purpose. This is all on a subconscious level. Many feel that they don't truly know who are are, based on their chameleon tendencies. ENFJs who don't know much about psychology or MBTI are often secretly depressed because they are confused with why they feel the way they do. They don't understand what is missing from their lives. However, they often look happy from the outside and can't figure out why they are depressed.
For me personally, I grew up feeling confused and unfulfilled with who I was for quite a while, and then I at about 16 I became extremely interested in psychology because it gave me the opportunity to discover things about myself and the human mind/psyche. And then I discovered MBTI and began my journey of self-discovery. The whole process of discovering myself and why I am the why I am has been a process of many years (I am now in my twenties and still learning new things every day about myself). I can now say that I am very confident in who I am. I do not hide myself from the world or worry about what others think of me. I embrace my rich emotional life, and if people can't accept me for who I am (and not who I pretend to be), then I don't want those relationships in my life because it leaves me lonely and unfulfilled. I like to stand out from the crowd and show my individuality.
This is a very intense inner journey that many ENFJs must go through, and once we have, it is like a whole new world has opened up and life makes much more sense. An ENFJ who has gone through this journey is a force to be reckoned with. We are world changers, due to our big dreams/goals, determination, and love/empathy for others. It often just takes us some time to get our emotions sorted out as we mature.
Sorry, that ended up much longer than I anticipated. I applaud you if you got through the whole thing.
I just have so much to saaaay.
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@DareToFly
First off, I love ENFJs. You guys are a rainbow of awesomeness. I love how you can look at things from a personal and subjective manner as well as with broad scope objectivity simultaneously. Anywhoo, questions!
1) What is your current view of humanity as a whole? What would you change if you could on a personal level, and what would you like to see carried over in the generations to come?
2) I often see ENFJs being pretty balsey. There's a certain confidence that they possess. Can you identify with this, and if so, how has it helped you in life?
3) Describe a perfect day for you.
4) What is your all time favorite song/music artist?
First off, I love ENFJs. You guys are a rainbow of awesomeness. I love how you can look at things from a personal and subjective manner as well as with broad scope objectivity simultaneously. Anywhoo, questions!
1) What is your current view of humanity as a whole? What would you change if you could on a personal level, and what would you like to see carried over in the generations to come?
2) I often see ENFJs being pretty balsey. There's a certain confidence that they possess. Can you identify with this, and if so, how has it helped you in life?
3) Describe a perfect day for you.
4) What is your all time favorite song/music artist?
Yeah I think that's an interesting point, DareToFly -- makes sense; ENFJ have this interesting combination of a private, introspective, individuality combined with the EJ personality that tends to be less self-preoccupied, more willing to be active in the external sphere, and as a result there's a balance between the chameleon and the other side.
Awww, thank you for your kind words. My fellow ENFJs and I do appreciate it. <3
1) What is your current view of humanity as a whole? What would you change if you could on a personal level, and what would you like to see carried over in the generations to come?
I'm an idealist, believing that everyone has something good to offer the world. Even the most unlikely person can become a hero. At the same time, I have seen real darkness and evil in the world and strongly believe that it does exist. Some ENFJs become cynical and end up rather nihilistic, but I find that most (like myself) bounce back with optimism, trying to attack this evil by becoming self-help "gurus", of a sort. Or at least they attempt to. lol This is why so many ENFJs end up as counselors, teachers, working in social services, charities, etc. Anything I can do to help people and make a difference in society, I enjoy.
I'm also a Christian and believe that all life is precious and valuable, but that human life is sacred. I believe that humans have been set apart by God and made in His image. We are constantly fighting a battle between good and evil in this world, and that there are many dark forces in the world along with the pure and good. Like most Christians, I believe in sin. I also believe that God has a mission to save human life, seek to repair what sin/evil has destroyed, and to set human life above careless treatment. Humans were created in the image of God, good and without fault, but after the fall of Adam and Eve in the garden, evil entered into the previously perfect world and distorted this perfect image. As a result, we humans are still incredibly valuable and created in His image, but we now battle the curse of evil versus good, life versus death, health versus sickness, etc.
I realize that there are people of many different religions and/or worldviews on this forum, and I'm always up for a good debate regarding my view of humanity if anybody is so inclined. =)
If I could change one thing about humanity, it would be our pride, hate/thoughtlessness, selfishness. I would replace these with humility, compassion/love, and generosity. There is so much social injustice and abuse in the world due to this, and it truly does break my heart.
There is still so much hate, prejudice, and injustice in the world. While we have definitely made strides in the right direction as of late, I would like to continue see more people who actively take a stand for what is right and do their part in making a positive difference. So many of us just stroll along in life (yes, i'm guilty too). We know of all the horrible evils in the world (human trafficking is one issue I'm especially passionate about), but do nothing about it. So many of us are incredibly spoiled and ignorant, not realizing just how good we have it compared to so much of the world. (I know I am spoiled, here in the United States.) I guess I would like the future generation to be a generation of world changers, doing their part to better humanity and spread love and compassion. There is still way too much social abuse going on in the world, and I would like to see that heavily decline if not disappear. I know I will be raising my children to be world-changers. It's all a mindset and a different way of looking at things.
2) I often see ENFJs being pretty balsey. There's a certain confidence that they possess. Can you identify with this, and if so, how has it helped you in life?
I most definitely relate with this. I can remember quite a few times growing up when I would verbalize an idea or say I was going to do something, and my parents would look at me like I had three heads because it sounded crazy. lol I am very daring and adventurous. I believe that nothing is impossible, and life isn't worthwhile unless you take risks. Anything we want, we can have. And when failure does come, it is not to be feared, but instead looked at as an opportunity for growth and learning from mistakes. Sometimes I get down and depressed when life doesn't go according to my idealized dreams (I definitely have quite a few moments when I get knocked down and depressed), but I always pick myself off the ground again and keep moving forward. I don't give up.
I feel that this has benefited me in life because even when things got hard, this "ballsiness" has carried me through. I have confidence that I can do anything I set my mind to. I won't be defeated, no matter how grim things may look. And if all you can do is crawl, then start crawling.
3) Describe a perfect day for you.
A perfect day for me would begin with drinking some green tea or a smoothie and a light breakfast upon waking up. This would be followed by me being out in nature enjoying its beauty and reflecting on life, myself, and generally just getting in the right frame of mind to begin my day... perhaps do some reading on important subjects such as self-help, motivation, psychology, human morality, social issues, and other things I'm interested in.
Afterwards I would go to the gym for workouts, and then come home to get a shower and spend "work hours" investing and working on my home business (preferably online). (No, I do not have a business yet, but it's one of my goals for the future-- I'm still in college.) I would also like to include "saving the world", lol, into those hours, perhaps even incorporate charity and positive world change into my business somehow. Inspiring music would be playing in the background, of course
. I'm one of those people who always likes to have theme music for everything I do. =PAfter work, I would like to spend quality time with my loved ones (family, significant other), and perhaps catch up with friends. This quality time with people could include just relaxing at home and chilling, going on an adventure, or anything else fun we would be in the mood for. I would end my day with plenty of romantic and sexy time with my significant other before bed.
4) What is your all time favorite song/music artist?
That's a really hard question. I have so many different favorite songs and artists that I love. I can't pick just one, so here's a list that is definitely narrowed down quite a bit. lol
Savage Garden- "Madly, Truly, Deeply", "To the Moon and Back", and "This Side of Me"
Josh Groban- "Brave"
Sum 41- "With Me"
Lonestar- "Amazed"
Seal- "Kiss from a Rose"
Elton John- "Can You Feel the Love Tonight"
Starship- "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now"
Take That- "Rule the World"
Duran Duran- "Come Undone"
I also in general absolutely love alternative rock, grunge, and classic rock. Way too many songs and artists to name. I also like quite a bit of more modern music I didn't list here, such as Nick Jonas, X Ambassadors, Fallout Boy, Linkin Park, Paramore, Maroon 5, Justin Timberlake, and Sia.
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In the Five Factor Model interp of the MBTI, Extraversion~E, Conscientiousness~J, and my understanding is Extraversion+Conscientiousness is where a lot of assertiveness lies. That's where the so-called "bossiness" stereotype comes from. Not a "mean" bossiness but a "this is good for you!" kind
Wonderfully thoughtful answers! Thank you so much for that. I agree with everything you've said. ❤Awww, thank you for your kind words. My fellow ENFJs and I do appreciate it. <3
1) What is your current view of humanity as a whole? What would you change if you could on a personal level, and what would you like to see carried over in the generations to come?
I'm an idealist, believing that everyone has something good to offer the world. Even the most unlikely person can become a hero. At the same time, I have seen real darkness and evil in the world and strongly believe that it does exist. Some ENFJs become cynical and end up rather nihilistic, but I find that most (like myself) bounce back with optimism, trying to attack this evil by becoming self-help "gurus", of a sort. Or at least they attempt to. lol This is why so many ENFJs end up as counselors, teachers, working in social services, charities, etc. Anything I can do to help people and make a difference in society, I enjoy.
I'm also a Christian and believe that all life is precious and valuable, but that human life is sacred. I believe that humans have been set apart by God and made in His image. We are constantly fighting a battle between good and evil in this world, and that there are many dark forces in the world along with the pure and good. Like most Christians, I believe in sin. I also believe that God has a mission to save human life, seek to repair what sin/evil has destroyed, and to set human life above careless treatment. Humans were created in the image of God, good and without fault, but after the fall of Adam and Eve in the garden, evil entered into the previously perfect world and distorted this perfect image. As a result, we humans are still incredibly valuable and created in His image, but we now battle the curse of evil versus good, life versus death, health versus sickness, etc.
I realize that there are people of many different religions and/or worldviews on this forum, and I'm always up for a good debate regarding my view of humanity if anybody is so inclined. =)
If I could change one thing about humanity, it would be our pride, hate/thoughtlessness, selfishness. I would replace these with humility, compassion/love, and generosity. There is so much social injustice and abuse in the world due to this, and it truly does break my heart.
There is still so much hate, prejudice, and injustice in the world. While the world has definitely made strides in the right direction as of late, I would like to continue see more people who actively take a stand for what is right and do their part in making a positive difference. So many of us just stroll along in life (yes, i'm guilty too). We know of all the horrible evils in the world (human trafficking is one issue I'm especially passionate about), but do nothing about it. So many of us are incredibly spoiled and ignorant, not realizing just how good we have it compared to so much of the world. (I know I am spoiled, here in the United States.) I guess I would like the future generation to be a generation of world changers, doing their part to better humanity and spread love and compassion. There is still way too much social abuse going on in the world, and I would like to see that heavily decline if not disappear. I know I will be raising my children to be world-changers. It's all a mindset and a different way of looking at things.
2) I often see ENFJs being pretty balsey. There's a certain confidence that they possess. Can you identify with this, and if so, how has it helped you in life?
I most definitely relate with this. I can remember quite a few times growing up when I would verbalize an idea or say I was going to do something, and my parents would look at me like I had three heads. lol I am very daring and adventurous. I believe that nothing is impossible, and life isn't worthwhile unless you take risks. Anything we want, we can have. And when failure does come, it is not to be feared, but instead looked at as an opportunity for growth and learning from mistakes. Sometimes I get down and depressed when life doesn't go according to my idealized dreams (I definitely have quite a few moments when I get knocked down and depressed), but I always pick myself off the ground again and keep moving forward. I don't give up.
I feel that this has benefited me in life because even when things got hard, this "ballsiness" has carried me through. I have confidence that I can do anything I set my mind to. I won't be defeated, no matter how grim things may look. And if all you can do is crawl, then start crawling.
3) Describe a perfect day for you.
A perfect day for me would begin with drinking some green tea or a smoothie and a light breakfast upon waking up. This would be followed by me being out in nature enjoying its beauty and reflecting on life, myself, and generally just getting in the right frame of mind to begin my day... perhaps do some reading on important subjects such as self-help, motivation, psychology, human morality, social issues, and other things I'm interested in. Afterwards I would go to the gym for workouts, and then come home to get a shower and spend "work hours" investing and working on my home business. (No, I do not have a business yet, but it's one of my goals for the future-- I'm still in college.) I would also like to include "saving the world", lol, into those hours, perhaps even incorporate charity and positive world change into my business somehow. Inspiring music would be playing in the background, of course
4) What is your all time favorite song/music artist?
That's a really hard question. I have so many different favorite songs and artists that I love. I can't pick just one, so here's a list that is definitely narrowed down quite a bit. lol
Savage Garden- "Madly, Truly, Deeply", "To the Moon and Back", and "This Side of Me"
Josh Groban- "Brave"
Sum 41- "With Me"
Lonestar- "Amazed"
Seal- "Kiss from a Rose"
Elton John- "Can You Feel the Love Tonight"
Starship- "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now"
Take That- "Rule the World"
Duran Duran- "Come Undone"
I also in general absolutely love alternative rock, grunge, and classic rock. Way too many songs and artists to name. I also like quite a bit of more modern music I didn't list here, such as Nick Jonas, X Ambassadors, Fallout Boy, Linkin Park, Paramore, Maroon 5, Justin Timberlake, and Sia.
I would say that I'm not really bossy. I do, however, like to gently encourage people and be a cheerleader of sorts in a loving, encouraging way. I'm not as authoritative as some might picture an ENFJ. I'm pretty calm, relaxed, and flexible.
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Thats how I think of it, too. Bossiness is more overbearing, while ballsiness is saying exactly what someone needs to hear and lovingly motivating them.
@Free yeah meant the same thing as ballsiness!
I guess I just think of it like a mother steering her kids in the right direction, not as anything harmful (unless, of course, the mother happens to be wrong, in which case yikes!)
I guess I just think of it like a mother steering her kids in the right direction, not as anything harmful (unless, of course, the mother happens to be wrong, in which case yikes!)
It's so nice to have another ENFx on the forum! Let's talk some time
It's so nice to have another ENFx on the forum! Let's talk some time
Hello! Yusssss!
