Are you personable in manner of communication?

LucyJr

LucyJr

Well-known member
MBTI
INFJ
The question is clear. Do you prefer formality or informality when communicating, especialy with strangers?
What it comes naturaly to you?
 
Good sir,

I believe the best form of communication is that of high speech and related grammar. Should the other person fail to meet these standards themselves, I would tell them good day and be on my way. Likewise should they meet or exceed your standards, tell them they have out shown you and that you are no longer interested in conversing with them.

Best regards,

eventhorizon
 
Eventhorizon said:
Good sir,

I believe the best form of communication is that of high speech and related grammar. Should the other person fail to meet these standards themselves, I would tell them good day and be on my way. Likewise should they meet or exceed your standards, tell them they have out shown you and that you are no longer interested in conversing with them.

Best regards,

eventhorizon
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Dear sir @Eventhorizon ,

Let me preface my comments by saying, your diction sir is superb, and might I add; your words a comparable response to the much maligned classic formality of the English language. I concur that standards of grammatical and professional etiquette should be of the first and upmost onsideration when speaking to one's colleagues or superiors. However appropriate it may seem to begin with the usual formalities when engaging unfamiliar gents and ladies, it may be seen as stuffy, dare I say, elitist? Therefore, it may be more suitable in some circles to speak with less impressive verbiage and stay the formality for more impersonal situations where interaction is limited. Would you not concur?

Yours indubitably,

Lady Pics
 
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wats? I don care! U all b h8ters!
 
say what said:
wats? I don care! U all b h8ters!
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(Well, I never). Young lady, your speech offends! Please dispense with this gibberish and afford the benefit of Her Majesty's English . . . tout suite! (Travesty) *snickers*
 
pics said:
Dear sir @Eventhorizon ,

Let me preface my comments by saying, your diction sir is superb, and might I add; your words a comparable response to the much maligned classic formality of the English language. I concur that standards of grammatical and professional etiquette should be of the first consideration when speaking to one's colleagues or superiors. However appropriate it may seem to begin with the usual formalities when engaging unfamiliar gents and ladies, it may be seen as stuffy, dare I say, elitist? Therefore, it may be more suitable in some circles to speak with less impressive verbiage and stay the formality for more impersonal situations where interaction is limited. Would you not concur?

Yours indubitably,

Lady Pics
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how I formal make tutorial plz
 
Let me actually answer the question, :D. I used to be very formal in communication with people I didn't know or just met. This was partly based on upbringing and education, and being from a country which is a former British colony where almost every child/young adult's speech is constantly corrected everyday and expected to be "proper". However, now living in the US, which is an informal culture, if you speak too "proper" people take that as a sign you are being snobbish. After a while, of getting weird looks and given the impression that I was too distant or stuck up, I started to relax my speech, so that it was more casual, and less noticeable. I am not comfortable being too quickly or easily casual with people I don't know personally but in our culture today, it's considered a good practice to use more relaxed speech and demeanor because it makes someone seem more relatable. It makes people feel more comfortable so I oblige, but it's not the easier thing to be. I don't like being buddy-buddy or personable with people I don't know well. I tend to think they will take that friendliness for more than it means, or see it as a sign of vulnerability, which they often did, so I'm more cautious, but it's still good practice to be personable whatever the situation.
 
pics said:
Let me actually answer the question, :D. I used to be very formal in communication with people I didn't know or just met. This was partly based on upbringing and education, and being from a country which is a former British colony where almost every child/young adult's speech is constantly corrected everyday and expected to be "proper". However, now living in the US, which is an informal culture, if you speak too "proper" people take that as a sign you are being snobbish. After a while, of getting weird looks and given the impression that I was too distant or stuck up, I started to relax my speech, so that it was more casual, and less noticeable. I am not comfortable being too quickly or easily casual with people I don't know personally but in our culture today, it's considered a good practice to use more relaxed speech and demeanor because it makes someone seem more relatable. It makes people feel more comfortable so I oblige, but it's not the easier thing to be. I don't like being buddy-buddy or personable with people I don't know well. I tend to think they will take that friendliness for more than it means, or see it as a sign of vulnerability, which they often did, so I'm more cautious, but it's still good practice to be personable whatever the situation.
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Eh well, formality and how much it matters evolves over time.

For example that guy's tweed suit in the "how to be posh" video is actually informal dress. Business style suits in general are actually informal (not casual, there's a difference) since they don't have a proper tailcoat and waistcoat, and there's some personal choice in the style of suit.

Edit:
Also notice how spectating a sports event is often very casual nowdays when it used to be considered worthy of formal attire, or at least a suit.
 
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Both. The words "I'm going to murder you" are both formal and informal.
 
I would be very surprised if someone i don't know says to me "hey, how are you doing mate", probably a little bit scared. Maybe is sometimes cultural, in my country people aren't too trusting and i've been robbed three times, and all of them, i was approached by the guy like if i was an old friend.
 
I lean mostly on the formal side, but sometimes, I Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde and slip into high school speak when I'm nervous. I'll drop a whole bunch of 'likes,' and 'you know's' and 'so, yeah...' and trot out my inner child with some rather unintentionally inappropriate observations or the 'f-bomb' or pop-culture references. The thing is, I usually do this with people who are older or my superiors. Terrible, I know, but I kind of hurry along and hope they don't notice (or care). On the other hand, with my peers, I'm a little too formal and I come across as rather stilted as I try to wrestle myself back into casual mode.

I'm just all over the place, it seems.
 
BrokenDaniel said:
I would be very surprised if someone i don't know says to me "hey, how are you doing mate", probably a little bit scared. Maybe is sometimes cultural, in my country people aren't too trusting and i've been robbed three times, and all of them, i was approached by the guy like if i was an old friend.
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That's the lines between formal, informal and casual. It's three kinds, not two. Some times it's even more than those three.
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
I lean mostly on the formal side, but sometimes, I Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde and slip into high school speak when I'm nervous. I'll drop a whole bunch of 'likes,' and 'you know's' and 'so, yeah...' and trot out my inner child with some rather unintentionally inappropriate observations or the 'f-bomb' or pop-culture references. The thing is, I usually do this with people who are older or my superiors. Terrible, I know, but I kind of hurry along and hope they don't notice (or care). On the other hand, with my peers, I'm a little too formal and I come across as rather stilted as I try to wrestle myself back into casual mode.

I'm just all over the place, it seems.
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Don't worry about it. Most people today aren't actually formal.

Respect, being polite, and not being overly familiar isn't really a thing about formality, it's about respect, being polite, and not overly familiar. So, you might feel stilted but your stilts probably aren't all that tall.
 
I'm usually personable-ish, especially if it's to people I might have to deal with again in the future.

I'm a little more formal and mannerly than average compared to what I've seen from people in Canadialand (surprise surprise) (except for on forums).

In Japan I'm scurred of getting deported so I'm formal all day err day... to the point where some of my managers have told me I should just talk to them and be myself more lol.
 
sprinkles said:
Don't worry about it. Most people today aren't actually formal.

Respect, being polite, and not being overly familiar isn't really a thing about formality, it's about respect, being polite, and not overly familiar. So, you might feel stilted but your stilts probably aren't all that tall.
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That's true. What I mean by stilted is that I will occasionally switch to incorporating formal language and sounding like I'm trying to win at scrabble or sounding like a lecturer when we're just chilling with beer and hot dogs. And I do get teased about it sometimes by my friends. At parties, when I don't know anybody and I'm nervous, this tends to come out even more and I'm self conscious about sounding like a pompous asshole. And I do notice it has an effect of distancing people from me, because suddenly people feel like they need to be formal with me and are formal right back and it's... not as fluid of an exchange between peers.


As for it being 'okay' not to be formal, I agree that most people tend to be informal, but that's why you really gotta watch who you're dealing with. Some people will be surprisingly old school, and will judge you if you don't use proper honorifics, especially if they're from a country or culture that utilizes them. Even if they do not make a big deal of it at the time (and they almost never do) that's the kind of shit that gets talked about in the back room. It doesn't come out as 'oh, this person doesn't know how to use formal language' it's more of a 'this person isn't the right face for the project.' This is especially true when you're young and you're trying to get an in.
 
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niffer said:
I'm usually personable-ish, especially if it's to people I might have to deal with again in the future.

I'm a little more formal and mannerly than average compared to what I've seen from people in Canadialand (surprise surprise) (except for on forums).

In Japan I'm scurred of getting deported so I'm formal all day err day... to the point where some of my managers have told me I should just talk to them and be myself more lol.
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Yeah from what I've heard, most people won't expect you to be all perfectly formal formal if you're not from there. Don't know how true that is, you probably know better than I do, being there and all.
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
That's true. What I mean by stilted is that I will occasionally switch to incorporating formal language and sounding like I'm trying to win at scrabble or sounding like a lecturer when we're just chilling with beer and hot dogs. And I do get teased about it sometimes by my friends. At parties, when I don't know anybody and I'm nervous, this tends to come out even more and I'm self conscious about sounding like a pompous asshole.


As for it being 'okay' not to be formal, I beg to differ. It really depends on who you are rubbing shoulders with. Some people will be surprisingly old school, and will judge you if you don't use proper honorifics, especially if they're from a country or culture that utilizes them. Even if they do not make a big deal of it at the time, that's the shit that gets talked about in the back room. It doesn't come out as 'oh, this person doesn't know how to use formal language' it's more of a 'this person isn't the right face for the project.' This is especially true when you're young and you're trying to get an in.
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Well like I said, there's formal, informal, and casual.

Informal is between formal and casual. "Business" behavior and even lecturing is often more informal than formal. Casual is really loose, informal is respectable overall but still has some room to be unique, and formal is generally very ceremonious and particular, like a wedding RSVP or being actually at a wedding ceremony or something.
 
sprinkles said:
Well like I said, there's formal, informal, and casual.

Informal is between formal and casual. "Business" behavior and even lecturing is often more informal than formal. Casual is really loose, informal is respectable overall but still has some room to be unique, and formal is generally very ceremonious and particular, like a wedding RSVP or being actually at a wedding ceremony or something.
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Ah, okay, now we're banging on all five cylinders.

I always lump 'casual' and 'informal' together and formal with business-speak or any form of address that requires use of honorifics. I would have called a wedding speech or a valedictorian speech as 'ceremonial.' Writing meanwhile, to me, is a whole other animal entirely because it's guided by structure.

Either way, the point I was driving at is that I personally sometimes have trouble matching my communication to people when I'm nervous and that people do react to different communication styles ostensibly. I find it a cause for concern because I do see people interacting with me differently based on the type of vocabulary I use, my sentence structure, and my tone. Any advice or insight into this is appreciated.
 
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