I think it's very common, because we are so intuitive to our social surroundings. Sometimes the simplest of actions and words of others hurt us because we are notorious for over-thinking. We read too much into things (well, at least I do..). Unfortunately not everyone is tuned to the feelings of others, and might accidentally say something or do something damaging. We usually are the first people to pick up on it.
i also fin I don't argue very well and I am often accused of going back to the argument (or reopening it) after others have moved on. I have time to brood about and think about the the things I should have said in the moment but couldn't think of while the argument was going on or perhaps didn't the courage to say, if that makes sense...
I would say that I used to be easily hurt but now it's morphed into more of a general low level sadness that people don't see how they harm themselves and each other, but an acceptance that that's just their human condition and they really don't know what they're doing. I concentrate on making sure that I'm happy with myself and don't worry so much about how others behave.
- Sep 28, 2008
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For me it depends on the context. For example, at my work there's a programmer who is incompetent and a bit of an arsehole. He doesn't like me because I often have to ask him to redo substandard work. So he retaliates by making ad hominem attacks towards me in meetings and deliberately tries to hurt my feelings. This doesn't bother me though because I know what he is saying is garbage because he's angry. And he's just not a nice person - to anyone. On the other hand I am hurt more easily by people I respect (e.g. Not being appreciated or being used etc). I am also pretty sensitive to being judged unfairly. At work it can be bad enough to demotivate me. I've even refused to go to work a couple of times because my manager has upset me and then I didn't want to afflict my co-workers with my bad mood. Oddly though I often react more strongly to seeing other people getting hurt.
See, I used to be pretty private. I saw it was getting in the way of making friends. Over the years I conditioned myself to be a bit more open and honest about myself with others, and take a bit more of a "heart on my sleeve" approach to people. Don't get me wrong, I was still a little reserved, but I let myself open easily for others.
Turns out that sounds ideal and romantic but might not be that great for INFJ's/someone like me. Being this way has been exactly why the past two years of my life have probably been the hardest they have been ever so far. It's so easy for me to trust others openly when I am open to them. Such a terrible idea. So much emotional hurt from having a long term relationship homewrecked by someone you trusted openly, and then later on that same openness allowed someone in my personal life who ended up being an emotionally toxic person to invest into. Among countless smaller things.
If I'd actually been more guarded I'd have saved myself a lot of pain these past couple of years. The homewreck might not have been so easy to happen, or felt so personal (nothing like having to come home to someone you still feel close to is fucking someone you previously trusted, then spending the night by the toilet because it makes you feel so physically ill that you can't sleep or can't keep food down). The other one would have been completely avoided if I didn't let myself trust their "<3<3<3" personality so quickly and easily. Time to cut ties and relearn to not be so unguarded anymore. It just doesn't work.
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Same for me, I only get hurt when someone I love gets hurt or when someone I love or care a lot hurts me. If it's someone that I don't care I would probably ignore it, .as I didn't hear it.