[INFJ] Am I loosing my INFJ

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solo1234

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Hi,

I'm asking your thoughts on my situation. I have been friends with this INFJ for almost a year now. We have been working in the same place and been in contact with each almost every day at work as well as during our free time and texted many hours a day for the last 8 months.

We have great chemistry ( at least I think so :smile:) and I like him a lot. He has told me he likes me only as a friend and I want to respect that. But the main thing to ask now is that there will be a change and I am moving to another place, and I think this might be hard for him. He hasn't been as active with keeping contact and I wonder whether he has gotten bored of me or if this is just him trying to wrap his head around the change that is coming.

Any thoughts on these matters?
 
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solo1234 said:
Hi,

I'm asking your thoughts on my situation. I have been friends with this INFJ for almost a year now. We have been working in the same place and been in contact with each almost every day at work as well as during our free time and texted many hours a day for the last 8 months.

We have great chemistry ( at least I think so :smile:) and I like him a lot. He has told me he likes me only as a friend and I want to respect that. But the main thing to ask now is that there will be a change and I am moving to another place, and I think this might be hard for him. He hasn't been as active with keeping contact and I wonder whether he has gotten bored of me or if this is just him trying to wrap his head around the change that is coming.

Any thoughts on these matters?
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If he really does like you only as a friend, but feels very clearly that your interest in him goes much further than that, he may not know how to deal with the situation very clearly. Have you talked to each other about how you will keep in contact after you move with your work?
 
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John K said:
If he really does like you only as a friend, but feels very clearly that your interest in him goes much further than that, he may not know how to deal with the situation very clearly. Have you talked to each other about how you will keep in contact after you move with your work?
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Yes,we have been talking that time will tell and kind of that we still want to have good time and do trips together and stuff.
 
solo1234 said:
Yes,we have been talking that time will tell and kind of that we still want to have good time and do trips together and stuff.
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It's very hard to tell without knowing you both a lot more. INFJ men can have complex feelings about others close to them - their friends and family as well as romantic relationships. They can be shy about moving things on closer, and equally shy about ending a relationship or a friendship. Sometimes we let things drift instead, and wait for others to take the initiative. I'm not saying that's what's happening, but it's something to consider..
 
Thank you for your messages:) it is weird for me because i have never been in a situation like this.

He still sends me messages and at work i feel like he wants me to spend time one on one with him or then he kind of feels to want to notice that he will do just fine without me. Hard to explain:D
 
solo1234 said:
Hi,

I'm asking your thoughts on my situation. I have been friends with this INFJ for almost a year now. We have been working in the same place and been in contact with each almost every day at work as well as during our free time and texted many hours a day for the last 8 months.

We have great chemistry ( at least I think so :smile:) and I like him a lot. He has told me he likes me only as a friend and I want to respect that. But the main thing to ask now is that there will be a change and I am moving to another place, and I think this might be hard for him. He hasn't been as active with keeping contact and I wonder whether he has gotten bored of me or if this is just him trying to wrap his head around the change that is coming.

Any thoughts on these matters?
Click to expand...

Would you want to be in a relationship with someone is not proud enough of their love for you that they won't just openly admit it? Would you WANT to date someone who actively lies to you about their feelings?
 
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slant said:
Would you want to be in a relationship with someone is not proud enough of their love for you that they won't just openly admit it? Would you WANT to date someone who actively lies to you about their feelings?
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No I wouldnt :p but the thing is I feel that he does things only when he is absolutely sure, and might not do it even at that Point. I think he doesen't lie at all. But I'm not sure if he is always in tune with his own emotions.

But maybe it is just me hoping for things that isnt there. And I should just enjoy the things we have for as long as we have it.
 
solo1234 said:
No I wouldnt :p but the thing is I feel that he does things only when he is absolutely sure, and might not do it even at that Point. I think he doesen't lie at all. But I'm not sure if he is always in tune with his own emotions.

But maybe it is just me hoping for things that isnt there. And I should just enjoy the things we have for as long as we have it.
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I think the crux of this issue is less to do with him at all and more to do with why you are wanting someone who has expressed they are not interested in you to return your interest anyway. I do think that this secret hope can become apparent to other people- and I'm not saying that is what is happening in this situation- but it's a possibility.

I would explore the underlying reasons for your attraction to him despite the circumstances as well as your fears about him losing contact with him. These seem signs of something bigger, and therapy may help. I'm not going to be an arm chair psychiatrist and tell you what the issue is- I don't know. But having suffered with similar feelings and thoughts in the past, I do recognize it as something that needs to be addressed professionally. It's great that you came online for support and we are happy to have you in our community, but it is never a replacement for professional help and I think you would benefit from it more profoundly than on this issue alone.
 
slant said:
I think the crux of this issue is less to do with him at all and more to do with why you are wanting someone who has expressed they are not interested in you to return your interest anyway. I do think that this secret hope can become apparent to other people- and I'm not saying that is what is happening in this situation- but it's a possibility.

I would explore the underlying reasons for your attraction to him despite the circumstances as well as your fears about him losing contact with him. These seem signs of something bigger, and therapy may help. I'm not going to be an arm chair psychiatrist and tell you what the issue is- I don't know. But having suffered with similar feelings and thoughts in the past, I do recognize it as something that needs to be addressed professionally. It's great that you came online for support and we are happy to have you in our community, but it is never a replacement for professional help and I think you would benefit from it more profoundly than on this issue alone.
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Thank you for this. You might be quite right. I think I might need to work on this. and let him be.
 
solo1234 said:
No I wouldnt :p but the thing is I feel that he does things only when he is absolutely sure, and might not do it even at that Point. I think he doesen't lie at all. But I'm not sure if he is always in tune with his own emotions.

But maybe it is just me hoping for things that isnt there. And I should just enjoy the things we have for as long as we have it.
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A year is quite a long time - long enough for you to know each other pretty well. From what he's said to you, it's very possible that he doesn't want more than your friendship, which it sounds like he values, but is aware you want more and doesn't know how to deal with it while still keeping your friendship. Like before, I'm just thinking of possibilities here, not anything definite.

I used to agonise over these things when I was a young adult, and could never get them right. These days I find that life's too short for that and if I had my time over again, after being close friends with someone for that sort of time, I'd bring things to a head by simply telling them I'd like more than friendship and sorting out just where we stand.
 
You're only losing him if you want to lose him
 
Wyote said:
You're only losing him if you want to lose him
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I didn't want to loose him, I value him a lot. And eventhough it might not seem so, I honestly want the best for him. With whoever it might be. Maybe I need to think this one over. And while I'm doing that try to be a good friend for him. Just friend. And if I Can't get my head straight, I need to talk to him about it.
 
solo1234 said:
I didn't want to loose him, I value him a lot. And eventhough it might not seem so, I honestly want the best for him. With whoever it might be. Maybe I need to think this one over. And while I'm doing that try to be a good friend for him. Just friend. And if I Can't get my head straight, I need to talk to him about it.
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I think he cut contact because he's just trying to move on and prepare himself for you leaving. Since you're leaving I don't think there's any way to salvage the friendship unless you message him a year from now say and rekindle it.
 
Pin said:
I think he cut contact because he's just trying to move on and prepare himself for you leaving. Since you're leaving I don't think there's any way to salvage the friendship unless you message him a year from now say and rekindle it.
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We are still in contact but not so much as before. But I was thinking could I Make it easier for him to move on and is there even a need for that.
 
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But I think I havegot really good advice from here. I am pretty sure he is not into me, because we have known for such a long time and the situation is still the same.

And the other thing is that maybe me having feelings for him clouds my judgement. I need to get my thoughts straight.
 
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