Featured [INFJ] Am I loosing my INFJ

I don't know how to handle that, but maybe he has to learn the hard way that he has to be honest with himself and others. Not saying I know what he's thinking or feeling. Do you think you have time for him to sort this out?

 

If he really does like you only as a friend, but feels very clearly that your interest in him goes much further than that, he may not know how to deal with the situation very clearly. Have you talked to each other about how you will keep in contact after you move with your work?

 

It's very hard to tell without knowing you both a lot more. INFJ men can have complex feelings about others close to them - their friends and family as well as romantic relationships. They can be shy about moving things on closer, and equally shy about ending a relationship or a friendship. Sometimes we let things drift instead, and wait for others to take the initiative. I'm not saying that's what's happening, but it's something to consider..

 

Would you want to be in a relationship with someone is not proud enough of their love for you that they won't just openly admit it? Would you WANT to date someone who actively lies to you about their feelings?

 

I think the crux of this issue is less to do with him at all and more to do with why you are wanting someone who has expressed they are not interested in you to return your interest anyway. I do think that this secret hope can become apparent to other people- and I'm not saying that is what is happening in this situation- but it's a possibility.

I would explore the underlying reasons for your attraction to him despite the circumstances as well as your fears about him losing contact with him. These seem signs of something bigger, and therapy may help. I'm not going to be an arm chair psychiatrist and tell you what the issue is- I don't know. But having suffered with similar feelings and thoughts in the past, I do recognize it as something that needs to be addressed professionally. It's great that you came online for support and we are happy to have you in our community, but it is never a replacement for professional help and I think you would benefit from it more profoundly than on this issue alone.

 

A year is quite a long time - long enough for you to know each other pretty well. From what he's said to you, it's very possible that he doesn't want more than your friendship, which it sounds like he values, but is aware you want more and doesn't know how to deal with it while still keeping your friendship. Like before, I'm just thinking of possibilities here, not anything definite.

I used to agonise over these things when I was a young adult, and could never get them right. These days I find that life's too short for that and if I had my time over again, after being close friends with someone for that sort of time, I'd bring things to a head by simply telling them I'd like more than friendship and sorting out just where we stand.

 

I think he cut contact because he's just trying to move on and prepare himself for you leaving. Since you're leaving I don't think there's any way to salvage the friendship unless you message him a year from now say and rekindle it.

 

Is "goodbye" not enough?