5 Dating rules that do not apply anymore | INFJ Forum

5 Dating rules that do not apply anymore

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Jul 11, 2016.

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  1. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    5 Dating Rules That Do Not Apply Anymore







    Whether you’re returning to the dating scene after a brief hiatus or you’re a dating veteran, there are some rules you’ve probably been following religiously. And you know what? It’s probably the reason you’re still single. Some of the love laws you swear by are no longer relevant. Nowadays, the general rule of thumb is if you’re interested in someone, don’t play games. Be honest and upfront about your feelings. Simple, right? Here are five you should ditch right now.


    1. Don’t return a phone call until 48 hours later
    What are you waiting for? People are busy and no one has time to breathlessly wait for a phone call. In the past, reasoned that waiting this long would make your love interest think about you obsessively, and that once you called, he or she would be putty in your hot, little hands. While it’s true you’ll be on that person’s mind, you might not be associated with positive thoughts. Your honey might just be thinking about going on a date with someone who is more available. Roughly 24 hours is the most you should wait to call someone back. Use common sense — and common courtesy. (And don’t wait an entire day to return a text.)

    2. Play hard to get
    Follow this rule if you want to be alone. Also follow this rule if you like house sitting while your couple friends go away to the Caribbean. And you should especially follow this rule if you have aspirations of one day becoming the best cat parent in the whole wide world.

    3. Men should pay for all dates
    Nope, wrong. All relationships should have an element of give and take. It would be unfair if one person is always giving while the other sits back and takes. So, if your date offers, it’s OK to let that person pay from time to time.
    “While it’s fair for a guy to pay in the beginning, it’s not fair to expect a guy to pay all of the time—especially if both parties make a similar amount and have expenses like student loans, a car payment, etc. This expectation to many couples has changed, although there aren’t any rules on how to update it. It really comes back to both people discussing expectations so that both feel they are getting their needs met,” said Stefanie Safran, relationship expert and founder of Stef and the City.

    4. Dates should only take place on Friday or Saturday night
    Any day of the week is fair game. Why limit yourself to two or three days out of a seven-day week? Live a little!
    “There are lots of reasons you might want to date on a weekday or in the afternoon: the place you are going, work schedules, prior commitments. Be open enough to toss aside dinner and the movies for coffee and boogie boarding, going to an amusement park, or a game of pool and a beer,” Leon Scott Baxter, relationship expert, founder of Couples Committed to Love, and author of The Finance of Romance told The Cheat Sheet.

    5. There is only one right person for youThis one isn’t really a rule, but we’ll throw it in there. It’s a myth that tends to lead a lot of people astray. So here goes: don’t be too picky. You may just miss out on someone who could make you deliriously happy. Resist the urge to criticize each and every potential love just because your exact specifications are not being met. Put the list away, forget your “type,” and just get to know and enjoy the company of a few new people. One of them just might be the best thing that ever happened to you.
    “Consider this. Every man and woman who have navigated the pain and complexity of divorce stood in front of a preacher, priest, or justice of the peace and made vows to the right person. Every single one. But eventually they discovered something wrong with Mr. or Miss Right. Then there’s this. A good many divorced men and women had already located right person 2.0 while in the process of divorcing right person 1.0. And the whole thing begins again,” said Andy Stanley in his book, The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating.


    http://www.cheatsheet.com/health-fitness/5-dating-rules-that-do-not-apply-anymore.html/5/
     
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  2. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    I didn't know about these to begin with, so I will be watching to see what others say. For me, personally, if someone waits to reply or plays hard to get, I would mentally move on because I would assume they don't care enough. I would remain friends, though.
     
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  3. endersgone

    endersgone ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻
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    Agree with above article/rules, but I don't like all of the descriptions listed underneath them.

    Societal norms have evolved significantly since most of those started.
     
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    #3 endersgone, Jul 11, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2016
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  4. aeon

    aeon Ooh, a bunny!
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    I didn’t know any of these rules were rules, so I guess I always broke them in the past.

    And because they no longer apply, I can go on being Captain Oblivious without problem. :thumb:

    1. I wouldn’t be able to do this if I was really into someone, and I’ve never thought to wait. Maybe I’ve embarrassed myself!
    2. I wouldn’t be able to do this because I don’t know how. And why would I want to? I only run away from bears.
    3. Nope, was reared by parents who instilled the value of “equal” in my young and tender mind. Those liberal humanists!
    4. Take place when you both want to. If that means breakfast on Tuesday, so be it. We set the schedule, other rules be damned.
    5. Biggest myth and headfuckery of this culture ever. And right is wrong if both don’t work to make it right. And you will have to work.


    Cheers,
    Ian
     
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  5. OP
    Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    1. I never understood this, and not sure how many actually follow it. 24 hours is fine, but two or three days naturally makes you think the person isn't interested or is just playing games.

    2. Play hard to get. This is such a popular thing, and what always gets me is if you didn't seem hard to get, then you're assumed to not be worth it. Showing interest or communicating willingness to move forward based on initial impression is treated as desperation. Gets old, these ways of thinking.

    3. Hate to say, but I like this rule only in the sense that if I'm being asked on a date, it's nice if the date pays. If I invited someone out to lunch or dinner (meaning they're only attending at my request), I'd pay. So, I would expect the same if someone asks me out. However, I wouldn't abuse their willingness to pay by ordering something expensive. On the other hand, I would hope they wouldn't go for the cheapest place. If I take someone out, I would want them to have the best I could afford but not overdo it of course. Just a nice meal and evening out. I don't expect someone to spend loads of money to impress or show they're interested.

    4. I've held to this rule because it's usually practical. During the week with work can be tiring and stressful, and it's tough to relax and enjoy the moment if you're thinking of work the next day. However, doesn't mean you can't spend time together doing something simple, like lunching at a favorite diner or cafe, or just hanging out at home watching your favorite shows or Netflix.

    5. I used to believe this wholeheartedly, and maybe I still do a little, even if it is impractical or idealistic. To have a sense of what's right or ideal helps you to weed out what you don't want. However, if you get stuck on the idea that only one person can be a great fit, then that's limiting options. You may never find THE RIGHT ONE, but you can still have a great relationship with other potential mates.
     
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  6. dwr46y

    dwr46y Well-known weirdo

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    1. Don’t return a phone call until 48 hours later
    2. Play hard to get


    I lump these 2 in the category of Promoting your value.
    I don't think you should explicitly do these things. It is a misconception to expect a positive result directly from doing this. If you have other people in your life, these two things happen naturally as a side effect. And if you have other people in your life, your problem has already been solved.


    3. Men should pay for all dates
    I agree that this is outdated. For many reasons that seem too complicated to weave together right now. The bottom line is that society is now expected to "give and take" in the same ways. A summary of the complexity I was speaking of is that we are artificially forced to not acknowledge the other gender's attributes (we're not supposed to give/take in different ways)

    4. Dates should only take place on Friday or Saturday night
    This isn't even a rule. It's just more convenient with work schedules. This is not to say dating specifically is more convenient, but night life in general is.

    5. There is only one right person for you
    Definitely outdated. This internet-connected society is presented with many more possibilities than before. The grass is always greener on the other side, and the world is a much larger field now with so many bridges that connect us.

    We could settle for a lower bar of who is right for us, but we don't want to. There was a time when toleration and working things out was part of love. Now with so many fish in the sea, we don't have to do any of that. I'm not saying this has been eliminated, but we definitely have a lower toleration of one another. One's love isn't enough when there is more love to experience. There is someone out there who will tolerate your bullshit, and it's easier than ever to find them while at the same time you can discard what's hard for you. Both sides of the coin are easier.
     
    #6 dwr46y, Aug 20, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2016
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  7. t5juyt

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    1. Don’t return a phone call until 48 hours later
    Nope. Whether I like him or not, I won't wait any longer than I have to - which is very unlikely to be 48 hours later.

    2. Play hard to get
    My long-held philosophy on this one: I don't play hard to get. It's yes or no. Period. They may change, but there's no hard to get. If it's "yes," you can get me; if it's "no," don't waste anymore of your time.

    3. Men should pay for all dates
    I'm gay. Does that mean we always go dutch?

    4. Dates should only take place on Friday or Saturday night
    Pretty sure this came along when most working people had weekends off.

    5. There is only one right person for you
    As an introvert who's attracted to introverts (and frequently overwhelmed by even a single extravert), there might be more truth here than initially believed - especially for INFJs. I took a test to find out my ideal MBTI match. The answer was what I thought: another INFJ.
     
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  8. the

    the Si master race.
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    Dating is outdated. Just pair up quickly and get married then get divorced in 5 years. Repeat til dead.
     
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  9. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    This is so depressing.
     
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  10. the

    the Si master race.
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    Dating has evolved. Adapt or perish.
     
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  11. dwr46y

    dwr46y Well-known weirdo

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    Oh wait... you said perish. Now I'm sad :C
     
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  12. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome

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    1. Don’t return a phone call until 48 hours later
    Waiting 48 hours is a game. If you respect someone and want to see them again, call the next day.
    2. Play hard to get
    More game playing. If you play hard to get I will disappear.
    3. Men should pay for all dates
    No.
    4. Dates should only take place on Friday or Saturday night.
    No.
    5. There is only one right person for you
    I have no idea if this is true, but I have noticed that the more particular people are about finding someone who fits the exact vision and all behaviors of their imaginary ideal, the more likely it is that they will remain single forever, and ever, and ever.

    I will add:
    6. A first date does not have to be at a special or romantic place. If you click, it won't matter where you are.
    If you really like each other you won't notice where you are. :)
     
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  13. Happy Phantom

    Happy Phantom Well-known member

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    1. Don’t return a phone call until 48 hours later
    Call back when you can speak


    2. Play hard to get
    I don't think this a terrible concept. If you're too available you can appear to be desperate. Nothing wrong with a guy wondering what I'm doing when he hasn't heard from me.

    3. Men should pay for all dates
    I can't really answer this as I was married for 18 years, so no clue.

    4. Dates should only take place on Friday or Saturday night
    Go when you have time and feel like it. The day is irrelevant.

    5. There is only one right person for you
    Atm I do feel as though the love of my life was the right person, we just lost our way and didn't fight to save our marriage. I'll never get over him and I don't think he'll get over me.
     
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  14. Sandie33

    Sandie33 Love Often & Absolutely ♡
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  15. ENFPJohn

    ENFPJohn Newbie

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    sadly true
     
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