You picked the most convenient choice for a relationship? Accccck!

I get on well with two girls. One I don't know so well but have known for a while (Anne), the other I'm better friends with (Sarah). As friends, I like spending time with them naturally. I was intrested in getting to become better friends with both of them, and they have proven to be good potential friends.



Lately I've been talking alot more to Anne and getting to know her better. Our contact was always more of friendly teasing (non-sexual) since she was a friend of a close friend. After a while it became alot more obvious that she was interested and after a while confessed quite recently as I got to know her. Sarah on the other hand is someone I met at some university counselling training services, so I knew we were likely to have things in common straight away. There are times when I think that she likes me, and I wouldn't be too surprised if she thought the same of me. Both friendships came into my life around the same time, back in March. However I only started talking to Anne properly much later (September), while my friendship with Sarah developed straight from the beginning.

Anyhow after the confession and some stumbling with being uncertain about how I felt... I decided to see where things might go with Anne. But there's one major concern.

Did I choose to see where things might go with her because she was the first one that came along? Why didn't I consider Sarah? It's just the idea that had I gotten closer to Sarah first, and had one of us spoken up earlier about the minor romantic interest, would my choice have been different?

I mean I'm now sort of commited to Anne, even though we're not together. If I'm considering one person, I'm not going to be considering other people, in that sense I've decided to just keep my friendship with Sarah as just that.

But it worries me. That I'm might unconsciously being going with Anne for the wrong reason. That it's all fake. I suppose the only way I can be certain is to travel down this road, but I'd rather not hurt my important friends.

 

I wouldn't say so. There's nothing deep formed beyond good friendship at the moment, but we don't talk that often.

If it's so easy for me to remove the idea of a potential relationship with Sarah and be happy with friendship. Then I'd think... I'm not that into her. It's not a big loss.

Guess the only question I really need to work out is if I'm that into Anne when I agreed to see how things would go. That I'm not just going with her because she confessed...

Bah I hate the idea that I'm playing the field. Playing with my friends hearts

But thank you for the advice.

 

I don't really trust my feelings.

Yes. I doubt myself too much. Earlier on I was worrying about whether my low self-esteem meant that I just liked her because of the attention she gave me, and it took me a while to work out that it wouldn't be...

There's too much mind doubt...
Too little heart thinking...

I know I like spending time with her... and at one point I was holding onto her hands (very simple stuff). But I was scared that I was doing it because of the attention, now it's a different worry.

Then I worry about how I'm automatically self-sabotaging relationships, and how I might be doing so with her.
Too much thinking. It's obvious that I don't trust my own judgement, and in some ways that might mean I'm not mature enough for a relationship with anyone.

Thank you anyway. I don't want to break it off with her though since I like her, I want to see where it goes... but I'm kind of scared that I'll end up hurting her because of all this.

Why do I like her? I haven't quite figured it out yet... I suppose I like our interactions and she's slowly opening up to me...

Another weird feeling I feel the more I get to know her, the more likely I'm going to become attached to her and potentially fall for her... Just a matter if I'm willing to let myself do that... I have to say the idea of losing myself (control) is quite scary as well.
Suppose that might be another possible reason for me not to get involved, but I don't know... I still want to see where things might go with us for the time.

Blegh. Lots of disconjuncted thoughts, fears and everything in there.