Would you adopt a child?

[invisible]

Would you adopt a human child? Why or why not?

Would you rather adopt a pet than a child? Why or why not?

Can your love help a child to grow up to have a good life and contribute meaningfully to society?

 

[Kgal]

Would you adopt a human child? Why or why not?

Would you rather adopt a pet than a child? Why or why not?

Can your love help a child to grow up to have a good life and contribute meaningfully to society?

From what I've seen in the last several years I would not adopt a child here in the US....well...I guess I should say Texas since that's the limit of my experience with the "system". Foster children get services and services and free college and on and on. But as soon as a family adopts the child....alllll services stop and the family has to financially qualify for anything.

Most children up for adoption come from tenuous situations at best down here...and at worst come from very abusive homes. The prevailing attitude of the State is to get those children in a home with electricity, food, and in school. After that...nothing. Most of the adopted/foster children I see are like ticking time bombs of issues. For example a two year old thrown up against a wall or slapped in the face with force can experience Traumatic Brain Injury. It goes unnoticed and unreported...or even if it is...it does not register in anyone's mind involved in the child's case. The State thinks now that the child is in a stable home - it's all on the shoulders of the parents.

Years later TBI can erupt in tremendous anger and outbursts...and the adults around the child think it's a behavior problem and reflective of poor partenting. Then begins more trauma to the child by repeated admonishments - time outs - detention at school - and spankings(hitting a child) at home - to even corporal punishment at school. It's insane!
If the parents were given parent education - signs to look for - information on potential issues from being raised in an traumatic home - and other guidance - the child would have a better chance at healing. Instead - the parents get no help and a crisis forms. THEN....the child starts getting attention.

Another thought is the fact down here in the Bible belt - when one gets pregnant one keeps that child at all costs - whether they wanted the baby in the first place or not. Otherwise the woman will be shamed. This generally leads to poor outcomes for both mom and child. So when they end up for adoption - it's a mess.

Then there's the issue of bonding... This is a tough one. If the parents didn't want the child they may not formed proper bonding with it and you end up with cases of Anti Social Personality Disorder. I'm sorry to say No amount of love can fix that. None...

I adopt all the dogs people have thrown away down at the end of my long dirt road.

I have seen where love made a huge difference in foster children's lives...but it was "unconditional". I've seen parents who adopt come in with an agenda...like I'm "saving" this child... and their love is not unconditional. This does not turn out well.

 

[Sriracha]

Agreed 100% with [MENTION=2578]Kgal[/MENTION].

 

[La Sagna]

I used to really want to become a foster parent, but I knew that I didn't have the support system that I would need to be able to do that. I think it's one of the noblest things you can do.
My daughter's in law's sister just adopted a 4 year old girl. I haven't met her yet but apparently she's a nice kid and very bright, although her new mom is a little tired because she's still a new mom even if her new daughter is 4.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Id like to think that as a society we could do better. What [MENTION=2578]Kgal[/MENTION] has said 8s depressing beyond measure. Who are we kidding though. As long as we are a society that cant figure out how to resolve our differences outside of war we will never be one to figure how to help our discarded.

 

[flower]

Would you adopt a human child? Why or why not?
No, I don't want to born a child or adopt a child.
I value my freedom too much, also the whole idea of having a child seems really utopian to me.
I could list all the reasons here but then this post would be too long.

Would you rather adopt a pet than a child? Why or why not?
Yes!! I would love to adopt a pet someday. Furry babies all the way~

Can your love help a child to grow up to have a good life and contribute meaningfully to society?
Yes... I'm very loving and caring person and I think I could be a great mother for a child but I just don't want it.

 

[invisible]

I have seen where love made a huge difference in foster children's lives...but it was "unconditional". I've seen parents who adopt come in with an agenda...like I'm "saving" this child... and their love is not unconditional. This does not turn out well.

Thanks so much for your great (as always) response. I'm really really interested in this last part. I would love to hear more of your ideas about the differences between these two different kinds of caregiving styles.

And by the way it's so amazing and admirable that you're so caring of people yourself.

 

[invisible]

Id like to think that as a society we could do better. What @Kgal has said 8s depressing beyond measure. Who are we kidding though. As long as we are a society that cant figure out how to resolve our differences outside of war we will never be one to figure how to help our discarded.

I think that attitude is maybe a little bit "black and white" type thinking: if you can't fix everything, why try to fix anything? The world is never going to be perfect, but that doesn't seem like a good argument to refrain from trying to make one tiny corner of the world just a little bit better.

 

[invisible]

Often I have been talking about my mother's childhood trauma with her. We have been lucky as in this country there is a tremendous amount of resources for people who have been subjected to this kind of thing, and she has been doing this counselling program that is provided by the government. The psychologist she was talking with until recently gave her a picture like this one:

But my mother told me that although she was grateful for the kind thoughts of the therapist, it can't be like that golden pottery. Because the pieces were always broken, no one ever started trying to put them back together until recently, and because she is a living person and not a piece of pottery, all of the broken pieces have grown into different shapes over the years, so that they don't fit back together properly. But she thinks that if the help had been available to her as a child, that she could have pieced her life back together somehow.

Loving someone who has been badly injured is a lifelong journey. But I think that your love can help them in a way that is real. It can make a genuine big difference to their life. I don't think that they can make it alone without someone to love them and care for them.

I have some distant gay male acquaintances who are in discussions with another female acquaintance about her eggs. Then I suppose they will "outsource" the pregnancy to a surrogate woman in some foreign country. Obviously, this process will cost a lot of money, and I think it raises certain ethical concerns. I struggle to understand their beliefs because I think there are children in the world who already exist who need loving and secure homes. They could be spending all that cash on helping a lost child to find its way in the world, but instead they seem more concerned with spending it on perpetuating their genes. It's their money and they're free to spend it how they want, but I don't understand their priorities.

Adopting a child isn't something that I want to do at this time in my life, for a lot of reasons. The biggest reasons are that I don't have the resources of time and money that are necessary to take care of a child properly, and that I have other plans for contributing to society that if they were interrupted at this time would just cause me to become too resentful to competently care for another person. But when I'm older, say in middle and older age, if I had enough time and money, I would like to take care of a child. I think I could help it to understand itself, to take care of itself, and to be respectful of itself and others.

 

[Gaze]

At one time yes, but now no. I would have a biological child or none at all. I would consider fostering if I was financially stable, but only one child, so that I could give full attention to one. But I'm not sure I would consider fostering unless I was serious about adoption. I get attached too easily, so I would not be able to raise a child in my home and then give them up to someone else.

 

[cvp12gh5]

[MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION]

For some reason that rep cut off, but what I wanted to say is that you will be an amazing parent when and if you ever decide to adopt.

 

[Free]

[MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION]

For some reason that rep cut off, but what I wanted to say is that you will be an amazing parent when and if you ever decide to adopt.

I agree completely. <3

To answer the question, I did adopt a child. Though he's my nephew so I'm not certain that it counts, lol. Would I do so again? in a heartbeat, even if it wasn't my nephew. Why? Because I do, in fact, believe that the nurturing love I have to share can heal and make a difference in a child's life, and vice versa.

 

[Wayfarer]

I would. I actually always wanted to, growing up. I wish I were in a position to be able to do it. Unfortunately, barring a miracle, I can't see my life circumstances ever allowing me to do that now. Not going forward from where I am now.