Where to live | INFJ Forum

Where to live

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by beaze, May 29, 2020.

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  1. beaze

    beaze Regular Poster

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    How does one decide where to live with an SO if one person wants to stay in their current location (a very expensive city) for the foreseeable future and if the other wants to move away to a small town (affordable and tiny).
     
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  2. Hostarius

    Hostarius A R C

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    Are you going to use our responses to beat your SO over the head with?
     
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  3. OP
    beaze

    beaze Regular Poster

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    No? What? I’m wondering how people work through this issue
     
  4. Hostarius

    Hostarius A R C

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    Talk. Compromise.
     
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  5. OP
    beaze

    beaze Regular Poster

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    I feel like there’s no middle ground?
     
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  6. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    Break up now

    Move to timbuktu
     
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  7. slant

    slant Ruby Adoraboobie

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    Yeah for me personally I would probably end up living where I wanted to live; I generally tell people upfront that I like my living arrangements and am not going to change them. Although, I live alone and do not want to live with my partner. I think living with a partner would require me to relinquish more control than I'm willing to do.

    Maybe you guys could do a thing where you live in both places and switch halfway during the year. Like they live with you, you live with them.

    Unless your income isn't good enough to afford the place on your own, which I'm against teaming up with a romantic partner to be able to afford my lifestyle. If I can't afford it on my own... Then I simply can't afford it.
     
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  8. noisebloom

    noisebloom theory conspirer
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  9. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    I don't know.

    You've got to find somewhere to live so you're not homeless.
     
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  10. acd

    acd jezi baba

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  11. hithere

    hithere Community Member

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    Well, look at it like it's your decision. What matters to you more - being with this person or living in a certain place?
    You can't make someone else compromise or give in to you, although you can have a mature discussion about it.
    On that note, if someone is unwilling to talk it through with you at all, and not take your point of view ino consideration, that may signify that it won't exactly be a great relationship.

    - From someone who actually made that choice :). I chose to live where my husband felt most comfortable. I think it's also important to realize that life happens, things change and you can't simply plan out everything. Maybe one day we'll still end up in the place I feel most at home. Maybe not. It was a decision I made and I own it.

    Btw, my husband now periodically will bring up "my place" as a future possibilty.
    My lesson is, make your decision, don't force anything, accept your decision, and maybe in the end you'll get everything you want after all. But that usually only happens after you're ok with NOT getting it all already.

    Complicated. I know.
    Anyway, if this question actually pertains to you - then, good luck!
     
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  12. Hostarius

    Hostarius A R C

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    Wow, great answer.
     
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  13. hithere

    hithere Community Member

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    Been there, done that...
    But thanks :).
     
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  14. OP
    beaze

    beaze Regular Poster

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    Well, we are pretty good at working things out. Leaves room for more pressing matters, like, is this the right thing?
     
  15. OP
    beaze

    beaze Regular Poster

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    I relate to this a lot. I could live there on my own. He wants to live far away. We did work it out and have planned how we will use the space I just have other concerns now!
     
  16. oddgirlout

    oddgirlout Quirkess at your service
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    This is a fascinating question, it really has two avenues. One is a relationship question. Are either of you willing to make adjustments to help the other adjust to what they would be missing with the move? Is the small town near a large city? If so would their be a frequency in which you could get what you crave from the city? Does the large city have a small town escape? Is there an opportunity to purchase a small vacation home? Who is willing to make the adjustment? The other is, in my opinion a basic need question. If you have the luxury to maintain work and choose between the two, see relationship response. If employment is a factor at all, that will help your decision. One partner minimum needs happy, culture rich, and stable employment. Whichever one has that...that's where I would go. If both do, I would look to the one that has more opportunity for advancement/growth or more earning potential. The more money you earn, the more you can set aside working toward your retirement. Then you can both move to a place you have always dreamed of :)
     
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  17. mintoots

    mintoots Also: Tooth, 뚵수, Tootsu

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    Dang it. I hoped this thread is about where to live for everyone. If it counts, I want to live in new zealand.


    To OP, uhm, how much do you love S.O.?
     
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