Hello! I'm a 25 year old female ENFP and I'm having an extremely hard time understanding an online INFJ friend of mine (24M). Let's call him Jayce. So we met 6 years ago online playing some game. We quickly became friends, we talked every day, we played a lot, we have the same kind of humor. He honestly makes me laugh out LOUD which almost never happens. We have a great vibe going on in general. After a year or so we got so close that he was even willing to cam with me so we could actually talk. Like most INFJ's, he dislikes camming/calling in general so it was a big deal to me.
Now, after about 3 years he became romantically interested in me and I just started to like him as well, maybe not as much as he liked me though. There was a lot of heavy flirting going.
Then we decided to meet up for the first time in person. I'm from the UK and he's from The Netherlands so there is a gap. Anyways, money wasn't an issue for me. But shortly after I met a guy in real life and I fell for him. I started dating him, our plans to meet up got cancelled and all he said was "I'm happy for you". I was surprised. He showed very clear interest in me and at the time, I was so consumed by my bf that I didn't pay much attention to him. I never had much dating experience in real life, so maybe that's why I went for the "real" guy instead of Jayce. Anyways, during the time I dated that guy, Jayce stayed with me as a friend. Stopped flirting with me, just being there for me as always. Eventually me and my bf broke up. Jayce seemed to have lost interest in me at this point despite me still having lingering feelings for him. So I ignored these feelings and kept dating in real life for about two years after this.
After getting out of my last emotionally abusive relationship, I decided to stop dating for a while and focus on making myself happy. I was dating quite a lot up until that moment, so Jayce didn't believe I could last a few months without dating. He was even willing to make a bet. He'd write me a song (which he'd sing and play his guitar) if I could stay single and not date or fuck around for at least 2 months. I managed to "pass" so he started working on that song. He finished it and sent it to me and I don't know what it was, but hearing him sing like that turned a switch on inside of me. All my bottled up feelings for him came rushing back and it was HUGE. I fell for him, hard. It's safe to say he's my first and only love as I've never loved any guys I dated. But at the same time I refuse to believe I love him since we've never even met in person. I thought he might be into me because:
- he kept talking about cute girls he met in real life (but he'd always follow up saying he has 0 interest in them)
- he kept flirting low key sometimes (making sexual innuendos is our way of joking and flirting)
- when I posted a pic showing some cleavage he texted me randomly asking "why are you showing off your cleavage on there?", kinda annoyed
- he'd send me pics of things I like/love on a regular base (mainly pics of cats)
These are some examples. And for 5 years, we kept talking almost every day so there's that too. I heard a lot about INFJ's spending time on others as a big sign of liking someone. Anyways, I decided to confess. He didn't reply. After 2 days, I asked him why he didn't answer. He said he simply didn't know how to respond. So I asked if he has feelings for me, yes or no. He said he did have feelings for me at some point, but not anymore. I love him enough as a person to accept his decision and keep him as a friend. He's been through the same thing when I decided to date my ex while we were suppposed to finally meet in person.
So we stayed friends for months, it's been 6 months since my confession. And I made these vacation plans to Germany which is right next to his country. So I proposed to him like: "Heyy I'm going to Germany and I have the time and money to make a trip to the Netherlands while I'm there too. So we can finally meet up! What do you think?"
I sent this to him yesterday and he still hasn't answered, but has read the message. Keep in mind, the past 6 months we have just been friends as always without flirting. I just want to meet the friend who has helped me through so much shit after 6 long years. And now he's gone silent? What's going on? Doesn't he want to meet me? Is he thinking of an excuse to not meet me?
Now, after about 3 years he became romantically interested in me and I just started to like him as well, maybe not as much as he liked me though. There was a lot of heavy flirting going.
Then we decided to meet up for the first time in person. I'm from the UK and he's from The Netherlands so there is a gap. Anyways, money wasn't an issue for me. But shortly after I met a guy in real life and I fell for him. I started dating him, our plans to meet up got cancelled and all he said was "I'm happy for you". I was surprised. He showed very clear interest in me and at the time, I was so consumed by my bf that I didn't pay much attention to him. I never had much dating experience in real life, so maybe that's why I went for the "real" guy instead of Jayce. Anyways, during the time I dated that guy, Jayce stayed with me as a friend. Stopped flirting with me, just being there for me as always. Eventually me and my bf broke up. Jayce seemed to have lost interest in me at this point despite me still having lingering feelings for him. So I ignored these feelings and kept dating in real life for about two years after this.
After getting out of my last emotionally abusive relationship, I decided to stop dating for a while and focus on making myself happy. I was dating quite a lot up until that moment, so Jayce didn't believe I could last a few months without dating. He was even willing to make a bet. He'd write me a song (which he'd sing and play his guitar) if I could stay single and not date or fuck around for at least 2 months. I managed to "pass" so he started working on that song. He finished it and sent it to me and I don't know what it was, but hearing him sing like that turned a switch on inside of me. All my bottled up feelings for him came rushing back and it was HUGE. I fell for him, hard. It's safe to say he's my first and only love as I've never loved any guys I dated. But at the same time I refuse to believe I love him since we've never even met in person. I thought he might be into me because:
- he kept talking about cute girls he met in real life (but he'd always follow up saying he has 0 interest in them)
- he kept flirting low key sometimes (making sexual innuendos is our way of joking and flirting)
- when I posted a pic showing some cleavage he texted me randomly asking "why are you showing off your cleavage on there?", kinda annoyed
- he'd send me pics of things I like/love on a regular base (mainly pics of cats)
These are some examples. And for 5 years, we kept talking almost every day so there's that too. I heard a lot about INFJ's spending time on others as a big sign of liking someone. Anyways, I decided to confess. He didn't reply. After 2 days, I asked him why he didn't answer. He said he simply didn't know how to respond. So I asked if he has feelings for me, yes or no. He said he did have feelings for me at some point, but not anymore. I love him enough as a person to accept his decision and keep him as a friend. He's been through the same thing when I decided to date my ex while we were suppposed to finally meet in person.
So we stayed friends for months, it's been 6 months since my confession. And I made these vacation plans to Germany which is right next to his country. So I proposed to him like: "Heyy I'm going to Germany and I have the time and money to make a trip to the Netherlands while I'm there too. So we can finally meet up! What do you think?"
I sent this to him yesterday and he still hasn't answered, but has read the message. Keep in mind, the past 6 months we have just been friends as always without flirting. I just want to meet the friend who has helped me through so much shit after 6 long years. And now he's gone silent? What's going on? Doesn't he want to meet me? Is he thinking of an excuse to not meet me?
