What is Your Perceived Benefit of Friendship? | INFJ Forum

What is Your Perceived Benefit of Friendship?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by NeverAmI, May 19, 2010.

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  1. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    So I am just curious how each of you sees your friendships. If you have a lot, just focus on any one you would like to, or feel free to discuss even more if you like!

    So what originally solidified your friendship?



    What has kept you two on good terms and in a sustained state of communication?

    How much effort do you put towards the friendship?

    How often do you fight or have significant conflict?

    What is the furthest you would go to help this friend in life?



    My friends have always existed as either someone I live with, someone who constantly comes around, or someone I rarely talk to but have always remained in good terms with.

    This is mainly because I am incredibly introverted and I really don't make much effort to communicate with others because, first of all, I forget to do so! Second, I am always busy doing my own thing and the majority of the time I am lost in my own head learning something new or just reflecting.

    I tend to think this is bad, but I don't feel like I get much out of friendship. I mean, having someone to help in times of need is nice, and I have friends that would do for, but trying to maintain some regular form of communication seems exhausting to me!
     
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  2. slant

    slant Roll with the punches
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    I really have had breaks where I just didnt talk to my friends. If I talk to them on a day to day basis I become reliant and actually suffocated by our friendship. Uhm, I like the type of people who are easy going enough that if you stop texting them randomly the just do something else and if you dont talk for a while they will eventually get back in touch with you but not in a needy or clingy way. I like the type that answers the phone and tells you when they are busy and essentially will just, tell you what they think, that aren't afraid of hurting anyone's feelings but aren't deliberately rude. When I find people like that I dont care if they smoke drug and fuck to hell. They can do whatever they want because they dont try to control me and I dont try to control them so we are cool. I also like spontaneousness, people who if you ask them what they want to do just make something up on the spot and do it regardless of their worries, they just do it, and it's fun. They make you laugh and sure there's not much deep conversation but it's always hard for me to keep friends who are 'deep' because they tend to just get stuffy, suffocating, and boring.

    My friendships break off when I feel suffocated, when I am too controlling, when I can't handle someone's emotions or when some weird situation involving my sister happens and my friends don't talk to me again (which happens surprisingly often, more than you would like to think).
     
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  3. Ergo Christobal

    Ergo Christobal Talking Lightbulb
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    I've had plenty of close friends over time, but only recently has it gotten to the point of a deeper friendship. All through high school, we never really talked about important stuff like life or love. We just joked around, and had shared interests.

    Now I've got a really close female friend, who is dating my good friend and roommate. She originally met me, and had somewhat romantic feelings for me but I had to turn her down. She was fine with this, and we stayed close friends. We never fight about anything significant, only minor arguments like the the implications of themes in books or the application of a new marketing idea in Disneyland, or my GMing skills. We both love to argue, and do so for fun.

    I put every effort I can to keep the friendship up, but we would really never stop being friends. She knows everything about me, including things nobody else knows, and likewise for me about her.

    I would do almost anything for her and her happiness, and I'm sure she would do what she can for me.
     
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  4. Gaze

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    So what originally solidified your friendship? We met in school, same nationality, same major/degree, took the same classes, similar outlooks (but very different personalities)

    What has kept you two on good terms and in a sustained state of communication?
    - Going through similar work/career experiences - i guess we offer each other sympathy and empathy - a listening ear, since we both know what the other is going through - feelings, struggles, emotions, etc.

    How much effort do you put towards the friendship?
    - very little lately since i'm getting very little back. She expects that i'm always going to be there to listen, but yet she finds little time to hang out when she's less than hour away, while another friend of mine always makes time to visit and go out when she's in town although she's coming from out of state.

    How often do you fight or have significant conflict?
    - honestly, fighting seems to be useless because we never see eye to eye. She tends to think that everything can be reduced to perspective. So, she thinks she hasn't done anything wrong if she doesn't think she has. It's all relative to her.

    What is the furthest you would go to help this friend in life?
    - i'm not the greatest friend, but i'll look out for her when it comes to relationships, etc. Give advice, but that's about it. She uses people (of course she doesn't see it this way) so can't say i'd do much more.
     
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    #4 Gaze, May 19, 2010
    Last edited: May 19, 2010
  5. Faye

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    So what originally solidified your friendship?

    I've never perceived friendships as solid; they are dynamic. It seems like they just solidify over time, and after awhile, you go "oh, we're friends!". Conversely, sometimes potential friendships get weaker and you stop talking to the person.

    What has kept you two on good terms and in a sustained state of communication?
    I try to stay on good terms with everyone. This has been difficult because my group of friends from freshman year had several splits, and now everyone hates each other. I'm bad at sustaining communication sometimes. I tend to either want to do it every day or not very much at all, but for most people, we just talk on IM occasionally.

    How much effort do you put towards the friendship?
    I put as much effort in as I want to get out of it. This sometimes works, but it also sometimes doesn't. I'm really bad at thinking of things to do and organizing events. Usually, I just go along with whatever someone else wants to do.

    How often do you fight or have significant conflict?
    With the exception of my ENFP (male) friend, I basically never get into any conflict with anyone. If I'm in a bad mood, talking to people usually makes me feel better.

    What is the furthest you would go to help this friend in life?


    I would probably let several of my friends live with me if they needed it, not that I could provide that at this point.
     
  6. Entyqua

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    So what originally solidified your friendship?
    I am not 100 percent certain, as it was solidified over 15 years ago...we were just kids...We met in 8th grade, I had just moved here, and she was one of the few people to give me a chance. Eventually I started hanging with a different crowd...but we were still friends...Her mom is as much my mom as my mom is as much her mom...and she expresses the same discontentment over my mom as I do...Her sisters used to call me "Blackey" Cuz I was goth, and she was in the FFA, dressed more cowboyesque...i guess you could say. We were like oil and water, but we got along fine.
    What has kept you two on good terms and in a sustained state of communication?
    Im not sure about that one either, ten years ago she moved to wyoming, and we still kept in contact nearly every day...its impossible for us to skip a chance to talk
    How much effort do you put towards the friendship?
    More so than I have ever put into any friendship.
    How often do you fight or have significant conflict?
    All the time...Daily...we live together now, her family and mine.
    What is the furthest you would go to help this friend in life?
    to the ends of the earth...she is so much a part of me that her suffering is mine...Ive talked about soul mates on here before...how its not just about love and romance...Well...shes it...were connected so completely that we even read each others minds...I kid you not!

    I had this song stuck in my head, and it was annoying the crap out of me. So much to the point that I started singing mock words to it in my head...Not three seconds after I sang it, she started singing it aloud WITH THE WRONG WORDS i sang in my head! Spooky!
     
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  7. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    i'm thinking of a particular friend here :)

    So what originally solidified your friendship?
    just spending time together has had a big effect.


    What has kept you two on good terms and in a sustained state of communication?
    honesty & mutual respect


    How much effort do you put towards the friendship?
    couldn't quantify it

    How often do you fight or have significant conflict?
    never, which makes the friendship seem superficial but it's not like that..we really see eye to eye on most things, and have never had a reason to fight

    What is the furthest you would go to help this friend in life?
    too hard question ;)

    i'll add that although we've gone months without talking to each other, when we do meet up again it's like we never stopped. i think when you really care about a friend (or anyone for that matter) distances apart don't really have the destructive effect that they could have on a new relationship.
     
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  8. Faye

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    How is the perceived benefit of friendship different from the actual benefit of friendship?
     
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