What does it mean to know someone well?

[Gaze]

In our world today, it seems knowing more about someone determines whether you know them than whether you know them personally. How would you define knowing someone well today? What do you need to know or have known about someone to feel you know them as a person in a socially intimate way? Do you think it's necessary to know almost every detail about someone's life or know their every thought or feeling to know them well? People will often think they know someone well because they know the intimate details of their life? Do you think this is true intimacy?

 

[AdmittedFreak]

Honestly, I think believing you know someone well is limiting and will just lead to tears. People change, people grow, mental and emotional health fluctuates, and more than that most people are to don't follow a forum or program. They do things you don't expect. They do things that are out of character. I think you can get to know someone's history. I think you can learn as much as you can about what motivates there current self. I think you can learn who they are with you. But I think letting yourself believe you know someone well is just asking to be smacked in the face when you fall short of that. Even if you're with someone from the start of their life there are going to be things you don't/won't know. I guess the closest to getting to know someone well is when they feel you do. When they feel they've shared what can be shared with you then your there.

Then again I'm feeling a bit smacked in the face at the moment and resentful for it so I'm probably being biased.

 

[Quiet]

im not sure really

i think maybe the more time spent, being in different situations and environments together, seeing how they deal with stress, crisis, pain, loss, failure, success, healing, joy, windfalls, how they treat other people, animals, the environment, the evolution of the friendship over time, how they communicate, how they respond to change, how they adapt, what they value and why, how they think, how they feel, what they prioritise, their world view, their self concept, their attitudes towards culture and society, what they respect and why, how honest they are, how able they are, how empowered they are, how free, how responsible, how thoughtful, how considerate, how they acquire information, how they treat information, how they come to conclusions, their attitude towards the 'other' or 'foreign', what stories they like to tell, what stories they believe, what vibe they give off, how they work, how they approach tasks, how they approach friendship, how they see and treat children, how they respond to vulnerability, how honest they are with their self, how self aware, their feeling of connection and 'place', how they make decisions, what they enjoy, what brings them joy, what they want, how they live..

the best way to get to know someone is to live with them, and go traveling with them.

We are always fluid, and it is impossible to fully know someone, or the self. A better and more useful endavour is to be become self aware....open to yourself, noticing things without judging, trying to understand why i think what i think and do what i do etc.

There are people i have known for a long time and i feel i hardly know them at all. Some people do not want to be known
I dont think many people know me....i dont think many people care to. But i do want to be known. But i dont know if i can be known....i feel like a total paradox, utterly fluid...and often confusing. I also think that i want to know a lot more about people in general than they would want to know about anyone. I love people, analysing and appreciating their reality is something i do naturally and enjoy. I find people thoroughly fascinating. I'm willing to put in a great deal of time and energy to get to know someone that i am interested in, or invested in. But i think a lot of other people find this pointless and...somehow it all fits in together...we all have different strengths and natural interests

Sometimes...i feel like i know someone as soon as i meet them. Or there will be a pure moment of absolute empathy with a person, and i feel that the connection is so thorough that it has imparted knowing. Or i'll have a dream about someone and meet them soon after, and there is a strong feeling of knowing about the person and situation.

Knowing isnt about time spent or details noted about a person. A person isnt a collection of facts, measurements, and probablities. Knowing about someone's past doesnt always tell you about the present. Sometimes past information and judgements effectively blind us from seeing the present reality of a person, and prevents knowing. Rather than 'seeing' a person, we simply see our past concept of them...the story of them we have written. Sometimes to fully experience someone, we have to put all judgements, history, and desires for the future aside....this is hard to do....but a moment of this will be more wondeful and useful than a lifetime of details. Fear and dishonesty prevent us from knowing someone. Lack of self awareness prevents us from knowing someone. Most of the time....lack of interest prevents us from knowing someone

Openess, honesty, and acceptance are prerequisites to knowing
I think that truly knowing someone can be the same as being truly open to them....and that openess is intimacy, especaily if it involves trust, understanding, appreciation, and compassion.

 

[floatingbridge]

In our world today, it seems knowing more about someone determines whether you know them than whether you know them personally.

True, I agree.

How would you define knowing someone well today?

Being familiar enough with them, that you can second guess their 'moves'. I had a friend once who took so long coming back to her seat at the restaurant, that I plainly and confidently said 'she got lost navigating her way back from the bathroom'. Of course, I was right. But the point is, when your so-called friend admits you to knowing them too well, you have this sense of calm and you know you know.

What do you need to know or have known about someone to feel you know them as a person in a socially intimate way?

Only speaking for myself, all the skeletons in your closet. (Or all those considered skeletons, from a third party perspective )

Do you think it's necessary to know almost every detail about someone's life or know their every thought or feeling to know them well?

No, it's not necessary nor even possible. My boyfriend tries to know this, to the frustrating point that I don't understand my own emotions, let alone trying to explain them.

People will often think they know someone well because they know the intimate details of their life?

If they only know the intimate details, then no, because the shallow surface tells us much to me, than the depths of still water. Particularly, analysing people's try-hard 'surface' they convey day to day, combined with hidden details, a truer understanding of the person may be facilitated.

Do you think this is true intimacy?

Not without/ combined with the shallowness of every day life...

 

[just me]

To know me is to love me.