What are the limits of asserting your preference?

[Jexocuha]

If your preference is offensive to the community or the other, though not necessarily illegal, will you assert it? If the preference of the community is offensive to you and only you, will you defend it or join the crowd? At which point on the line should the fulcrum rest to ensure the balance between the rights of self and community?

Interesting questions @mintoots
If your preference is offensive to the community or the other, though not necessarily illegal, will you assert it?
It really depends on the community; and one big factor is whether or not I know it's offensive or not(which is another huge factor).
If we are talking about society at large(and I'm from USA), I'm hyperaware of the "communities" that abound at large, including my local communities.
I hardly ever assert my preferences on willy-nilly in day-to-day life. I try to blend in wherever I go. What I'll do is find some creative way to sneak in my preferences and hope they don't notice...hehe
Kind of like how Titus sneaked in the cooked the sons of the queen and fed them to her and the king in a pief(like from Titus Andronicus by Shakespeare)
But no, unless I truly don't believe what I'm prefering is wrong and should not be wrong to another party, I'll stand up for what I think is right, especially if I'm no longer feeling protected or getting anything out of hiding my preferences. Deep down I really don't care.

Now here's where it gets tricky. If we're talking like here on the forum, I hold back a lot. When I first came here, I tested some of my preferences/non-preference, the rules are kind of loose. I had false assumptions. I thought this was a place where you could just be yourself, and kind of see different perspectives and learn from various perspectives. Some, you may like, others you may not. But over time I realized that there were generalized preferences for how one should express oneself, without being called out/made fun of/or talked about inside someone else's blog or something. No one told me before hand. I've been around a lot of groups of people and have traveled a bit. This was the first and only place I actually truly felt "culture-shock". Lol. I think physical context helps a lot when blending in. It was strange. So now I learn, in new places even outside the forum, especially if you legitamitely want to be heard or accepted, or if you have something you'd like to say, though even controversial, it may be best to lay low on your own preferences for awhile and get to understand others preferences first. Then, assert your preferences where you feel may be most appropriate. It's still, honestly, a balancing act for me, and one where I'm still learning this. I'll be completely frank, this forum does have a lot of strong "group-based" preferences, and high-level sensitivities and intolerances, that are very hard to navigate through. But ultimately it's a great learning experience.

If the preference of the community is offensive to you and only you, will you defend it or join the crowd?
Only if it is worth it, and I'm not getting anything out of the group. If I truly believe in it, and don't mind being ostrasized or leaving.

At which point on the line should the fulcrum rest to ensure the balance between the rights of self and community
I think it is primarily up to the individual. Groups are hard to control. Hive-minds are minds of their own.

 

[mintoots]

Interesting questions @mintoots
If your preference is offensive to the community or the other, though not necessarily illegal, will you assert it?
It really depends on the community; and one big factor is whether or not I know it's offensive or not(which is another huge factor).
If we are talking about society at large(and I'm from USA), I'm hyperaware of the "communities" that abound at large, including my local communities.
I hardly ever assert my preferences on willy-nilly in day-to-day life. I try to blend in wherever I go. What I'll do is find some creative way to sneak in my preferences and hope they don't notice...hehe
Kind of like how Titus sneaked in the cooked the sons of the queen and fed them to her and the king in a pief(like from Titus Andronicus by Shakespeare)
But no, unless I truly don't believe what I'm prefering is wrong and should not be wrong to another party, I'll stand up for what I think is right, especially if I'm no longer feeling protected or getting anything out of hiding my preferences. Deep down I really don't care.

Now here's where it gets tricky. If we're talking like here on the forum, I hold back a lot. When I first came here, I tested some of my preferences/non-preference, the rules are kind of loose. I had false assumptions. I thought this was a place where you could just be yourself, and kind of see different perspectives and learn from various perspectives. Some, you may like, others you may not. But over time I realized that there were generalized preferences for how one should express oneself, without being called out/made fun of/or talked about inside someone else's blog or something. No one told me before hand. I've been around a lot of groups of people and have traveled a bit. This was the first and only place I actually truly felt "culture-shock". Lol. I think physical context helps a lot when blending in. It was strange. So now I learn, in new places even outside the forum, especially if you legitamitely want to be heard or accepted, or if you have something you'd like to say, though even controversial, it may be best to lay low on your own preferences for awhile and get to understand others preferences first. Then, assert your preferences where you feel may be most appropriate. It's still, honestly, a balancing act for me, and one where I'm still learning this. I'll be completely frank, this forum does have a lot of strong "group-based" preferences, and high-level sensitivities and intolerances, that are very hard to navigate through. But ultimately it's a great learning experience.

If the preference of the community is offensive to you and only you, will you defend it or join the crowd?
Only if it is worth it, and I'm not getting anything out of the group. If I truly believe in it, and don't mind being ostrasized or leaving.

At which point on the line should the fulcrum rest to ensure the balance between the rights of self and community
I think it is primarily up to the individual. Groups are hard to control. Hive-minds are minds of their own.

Interesting!!! Thanks Maikl.

Recently, I've been thinking about this whole topic as a byproduct of democracy. It's because people have both a voice and the right to speak that this so called tug of war goes on. Perhaps that tug of war is important in and of itself. It ought to exist. I'm still probably more of a Confucianist in the sense that rigid social structures are indeed easier to abide by though that's entirely different topic...

 

[John K]

So now I learn, in new places even outside the forum, especially if you legitamitely want to be heard or accepted, or if you have something you'd like to say, though even controversial, it may be best to lay low on your own preferences for awhile and get to understand others preferences first.

I don't think it's ever a mistake to do this, unless there is something obviously amiss with an individual, group or community. Social rules tend to evolve in each of these and become almost subliminal to long standing members - they are like the oil in a machine that lets it run freely with minimum friction. It's easy to be misunderstood if you haven't really got a good feel for the local rules - it's a bit like the way each country's highway code works. So if I go to the USA and insist on driving on the left, because that's what we do in the UK, I'll get into serious trouble and danger for myself and others - I'd be an idiot not to get some idea of the traffic rules over there before trying to drive there.

Of course, once we have a good feel for the social setup, then things are different. If we assert ourselves, or go 'off piste' socially, or challenge someone who's crossing our boundaries, we can do it in a way that is socially congruent with that community - or at the very least with a good, clear idea of what to expect. Without that feel, it's very likely that what we intend and what we actually communicate will be very different things.