unwanted or unitention relationships | INFJ Forum

unwanted or unitention relationships

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Barnabas, Jan 13, 2010.

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  1. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    I've thought about a couple of time in my recent past when people have sought out relationships where none were wanted(at least on my part).

    And in every occurence (three times recently), It was somone who was genraly i'll treated, the first case was a couple of years ago.

    A new girl had started attending the church youth group, not to be mean but she wasn't overtly attractive, and she was a bit awkward. Most of the people in the youth group kinda shunned her, not out and out making fun of her. But they didn't make her feel welcome. So when she decided to talk to me, I simply held polite conversation, not taking a strong opinion of her or her past and present, simply put I acted pleasently. Over the course of the next couple of weeks or so and she seemed to mistake my politeness for affection, and so she tried to return affection, which led to a lock down, and a almost stalker like relationship.

    later on a simaler situation rose up among another new female in the youth group who was several years younger then me. Like the last time other people in the youth group treated her in a less then appealing fashion, I simply listened to he politley and refused to make judgments based on her enviroment. Later on one of the girls in the youth group mentioned to me that she thought that this new girl had a crush on me, this lead to another lock down.

    Even more recently, after starting school at FCC, I Found yet another female whom was, I wouldn't say mistreated but instead avoided as she had at times what could be called less then comfortable nature. And to some extent mostly in class even i took up annoyance with how she acted at the college level academic proffesionality.

    So as with other situations, I listened politley when she talked and helped her with her school since she seemed to be having trouble. Though I don't know of this was justifiable or not I felt like this relationship was going in a less then desirable direction(simaler to the others), and so lockdown.

    Sorry for the dump, you really don't have to share experiences if you have them, i simply want to know if anybody else has situaions like this pop up, it's become far to common for me.

    So once again feelings of INFJ lonliness, am I alone.
     
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  2. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I know exactly what you mean. It gets very difficult trying to help people without them getting wrong cues -- it seems like I have to be legitimately careful whenever I'm giving advice to a guy that is somewhat socially awkward. I mean, when a person's not used to acceptance, they sometimes get a little too attached to those that do accept them -- which doesn't foster the healthiest of relationships.
     
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  3. OP
    Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    thanks, just glad some one else gets it.

    I wonder if anyone can give me some tips on how to avoid this in the future?
     
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  4. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I keep an air of polite distance. I mean, I talk to them, I give them advice, I'm pleasant and nurturing...but that's it. If I see someone getting too connected for the wrong reasons, I don't block them out -- but I don't let them in. I don't "hang out" with them in excess or anything like that, and I politely decline further invitations.

    That way, I can still give them advice when they need it, but they don't get too attached. I know from experience that letting them get attached often hurts them more in the long run.
     
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  5. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    *Sniff**Sniff*
    :m068:

    *sob*
     
  6. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    Now, if I didn't want to talk to you, I could just block you, couldn't I?
     
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