Triangle & competition | INFJ Forum

Triangle & competition

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by SEB, Nov 11, 2009.

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  1. SEB

    SEB Four

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    I have a strange scenario that I need help with:



    I'm TA for a small class (I only grade and participate in discussion, I don't lecture the class), with two girls in it. Let's call them Nena and Pam. I am attracted to Pam, but it was her friend Nena who asked me out. I declined saying I already have in interest in someone else. My plan was to simply wait and then ask out Pam. I ran the situation by my advisor and she told me she trusts my judgement.

    Enter a complication. Today, a male student suddenly started chatting up Pam and was being quite flirtatious. At the begining of class I distributed a handout for a journal I edit and Pam expressed interest. At the end of class, I offered Pam to write a paper with me - an offer she accepted. But seeing as this young man was flirting with her, I figure I better move quick now. Any suggestions? Should I just smoothy bring it up at a project related meeting (e.g. "now an unrelated question, how are things going with [NAME]? [RESPONSE] You know why I'm asking, right?" In that case I would need to clarify that the paper project is not b/c I want to date her, but b/c I think she's smart/intellectual (the reason I want to date her to begin with).

    Advice? Thank you.
     
  2. Kavalan

    Kavalan Has risen

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    A graduate student I work with put it best to the two labs he TAs. "I can be your friend, go drinking with you, party with you, AFTER this class is over."

    You're playing with fire as you hold the power over others in the situation.
     
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    SEB

    SEB Four

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    I understand, which is why I've checked the policy and with my advisor. I did get the clerance ahead of time. I still wanted to wait until the end of the semester but given that one student suddenly has started trying to be friendly with her, I feel I need to act soon.
     
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