The "Glass Door Slam"

Tom Austin

Tom Austin

Newbie
MBTI
INFJ
A lot is talked about the "door slam" of the INFJ both on this forum and on many others. There is also what I call the "glass" or the "transparent" door slam where an INFJ has effectively shut the door on relations with someone else, but has to live and interact with that person whether they like it or not. So the analogy goes, we have shut the door on that person, but because it is transparent, we are forced to keep on looking at that person, and therefore reliving all the pain associated with him/her.

I am writing this because I have just given the "glass door slam" to my current boss. Over a period of the last few months relations have broken down completely but we still have to interact on a professional level, but due to various disagreements and misunderstandings, and a little bit of bullying and harassment, I really can't stand being in the same room as him and although he has made a few efforts to patch things up, my INFJ tendencies mean that I am just not interested in interacting with him more than I have to. The damage is done. It really is miserable being in that office all day and I do anything to escape it (we have a workshop in another building which I try to lose myself in); although this ties in with a thread that I've created elsewhere about wanting to change professions.

Has anyone else done the "glass door slam" on someone? Would be interested in listening to other stories.

Tom.
 
My boss has screwed me repeatedly, I have shut her out and patched up our relationship a number of times basically to make the work environment easier, we are actually on quite good terms now and I think our relationship is mutually very rewarding. We joke around a lot and I give it to her pretty straight, and she respects my feedback. The respect has been hard earned I guess. But what else can I say? I don't expect much from her or the work environment and I'm a great worker, so we get along fine. I know I'm leaving anyway, and this way I'll get a great reference from her, so I don't really give a fuck. I forgive her, she is who she is, she's not exactly a monster or anything so it's OK.
 
Tom Austin said:
Has anyone else done the "glass door slam" on someone? Would be interested in listening to other stories.
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I'm sorry to hear that. Unless you can fix things or find a way to cope, I'd recommend getting your CV together asap, and start job hunting. Crappy managers and companies, rely on people just putting up with things.

If your CV etc is all set up, plus you have some savings, you'll feel much more confident. I know it might sound dumb, but if you're not happy ? No paycheck is worth it, if there are other jobs available.
 
From my point of view there are 2 door slams. the first one is a basically positive. Positive in the sense that it is mercy....door slam someone that has hurt you one too many times crossed the line one too many times and this mercy door slam is the last act of love that the infj is preforming out of respect for who that person USE to be in the eyes of the infj.

The second door slam which I think of is Kinda but not totally the same as your "glass door slam" is the one where you are basically done but still around and out of necessity that is the BEST CASE situation.....worst case you are around for Vengeance/Justice. I say this because I will let you know what I did. I had a former boss that I had respected but he turned on most everyone once he got enough power. He acted like we were friends and let me and most others fend for ourselves. at first we clashed and I went from respecting him to standing firm against him. But than I did my version of the "glass door slam". I no longer stood against him instead I used techniques to get on his good side. I would pretend to be his ally and support his causes. I always called him boss or chief and he liked that to be addresses in a powerful way. I knew how to tell him what he wanted to hear and I did. All of this was to gain favor specifically to meet my objectives, it was easy and I knew how to frame the situations where he would always say yes to me. I acted as an ally when in truth I despised him for being a liar and coward. I was simply waiting for my moment. Turns out it was never needed he was his own downfall....but I was ready if the day ever came and more so I was justified.

you see I think a true door slam is a good thing for all parties involved.
I believe that INFJs are very dangerous and creative many claim that an INTj is an evil mastermind. I say the INFJ is far more creative more scary.
 
invisible said:
My boss has screwed me repeatedly, I have shut her out and patched up our relationship a number of times basically to make the work environment easier, we are actually on quite good terms now and I think our relationship is mutually very rewarding. We joke around a lot and I give it to her pretty straight, and she respects my feedback. The respect has been hard earned I guess. But what else can I say? I don't expect much from her or the work environment and I'm a great worker, so we get along fine. I know I'm leaving anyway, and this way I'll get a great reference from her, so I don't really give a fuck. I forgive her, she is who she is, she's not exactly a monster or anything so it's OK.
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I was really glad to hear you talk so positively about your situation.
 
James said:
I'm sorry to hear that. Unless you can fix things or find a way to cope, I'd recommend getting your CV together asap, and start job hunting. Crappy managers and companies, rely on people just putting up with things.

If your CV etc is all set up, plus you have some savings, you'll feel much more confident. I know it might sound dumb, but if you're not happy ? No paycheck is worth it, if there are other jobs available.
Click to expand...

I am doing all this as we speak. Things are rapidly coming to a head and I cannot take much more. The endless nitpicking and criticism of every little thing - I am just surrounded by constant negativity and put-downs. You are down, and they just keep on kicking you. Looking at any means of escape at the moment, even looking into going freelance because I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I just cannot work for other people and having to play by their rules. It is stifling me and sucking the life out of me. I have just turned 41 and I feel as though my life is ebbing away in front of me.
 
Tom Austin said:
I am doing all this as we speak. Things are rapidly coming to a head and I cannot take much more
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It sounds to me like you have a plan in place, and that always reduces stress for me. It feels like you've already made your decision, which I think will again reduce stress, as you can look your boss in the eye and internally dismiss his comments. It'll blow past you like the bs it is.

However negative they are, you've kept your positive outlook, which is why you have a plan, and all they have is their self inflicted misery. I'm sure it's felt like crap. It'll probably feel easier now. Hang in there.
 
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