Find something I wrote 6 months ago and found in my notes. Thought I'd share it.
Man what a great world it would be if I was just in a room by myself all day with a laptop and my own bathroom and someone put food in the room everyday and you could work on school and be alone in that room. You could be properly lonely. Not lonely like surrounded by people who ignore you or people who'd rather work than talk to you. People too important for you. People too normal for you. Or maybe you're too weird for them. Either way you can be properly lonely in this room. Lonely like alone, not lonely like ignored or neglected or judged but lonely like by yourself in your own thoughts and your own doing and just by yourself. Teaching yourself. Doing what you like to do without judgement. It's like what we have now, except for instead of hiding behind the computer screen because you aren't accepted, you hide behind the screen because that's the only way things are done. That's all you know in your box. You just do what you do. You can hide behind it alone and still connect to people and not be betrayed or lonely like surrounded by people but so alone that you don't want to go anywhere or be anywhere you just want to cease to exist. You just want to be surrounded by people and not feel lonely, and if you can't have that then you want the box. That lovely box where you can stay. Alone. Without feeling alone. That wonderful imaginary box.
Man what a great world it would be if I was just in a room by myself all day with a laptop and my own bathroom and someone put food in the room everyday and you could work on school and be alone in that room. You could be properly lonely. Not lonely like surrounded by people who ignore you or people who'd rather work than talk to you. People too important for you. People too normal for you. Or maybe you're too weird for them. Either way you can be properly lonely in this room. Lonely like alone, not lonely like ignored or neglected or judged but lonely like by yourself in your own thoughts and your own doing and just by yourself. Teaching yourself. Doing what you like to do without judgement. It's like what we have now, except for instead of hiding behind the computer screen because you aren't accepted, you hide behind the screen because that's the only way things are done. That's all you know in your box. You just do what you do. You can hide behind it alone and still connect to people and not be betrayed or lonely like surrounded by people but so alone that you don't want to go anywhere or be anywhere you just want to cease to exist. You just want to be surrounded by people and not feel lonely, and if you can't have that then you want the box. That lovely box where you can stay. Alone. Without feeling alone. That wonderful imaginary box.