Successful kids have these 7 things in common | INFJ Forum

Successful kids have these 7 things in common

Gaze

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What do you think of these findings?

[h=1]Science says that parents of successful kids have these 7 things in common[/h] By Drake Baer 18 hours ago



http://finance.yahoo.com/news/science-says-parents-successful-kids-185631517.html

Anybody who has kids – or hopes to – wants them to stay out of trouble, do well in school, and go on to do awesome things in the professional world. While there isn't a set recipe for raising successful children, psychology research has pointed to a handful of factors that predict success.
They are:
[h=2]High expectations[/h]Using data from a national survey of 6,600 children born in 2001, University of California, Los Angeles professor Neal Halfon and his colleagues discovered that the expectations parents hold for their kids have a huge effect on attainment.
"Parents who saw college in their child's future seemed to manage their child toward that goal irrespective of their income and other assets," he said in a statement.
The finding came out in standardized tests: 57% of the kids who did the worst were expected to attend college by their parents, while 96% of the kids who did the best were expected to go to college.
This falls in line with another psych finding: the Pygmalion effect, which states "that what one person expects of another can come to serve as a self-fulfilling prophecy."
In the case of kids, they live up to their parents' expectations.
[h=2]A higher socioeconomic status[/h]Tragically, a fifth of American children grow up in poverty, a situation that severely limits their potential.
It's getting more extreme. According to Stanford University researcher Sean Reardon, the achievement gap between high and low-income families "is roughly 30% to 40% larger among children born in 2001 than among those born 25 years earlier."
As "Drive" author Dan Pink has noted, the higher the income for the parents, the higher the SAT scores for the kids.
"Absent comprehensive and expensive interventions, socioeconomic status is what drives much of educational attainment and performance," he wrote.
[h=2]Higher educational levels[/h]A 2014 study lead by University of Michigan psychologist Sandra Tang found that mothers who finished high school or college were more likely to raise kids that did the same.
Pulling from a group of over 14,000 children who entered kindergarten in 1998 to 2007, the study found that children born to teen moms (18 years old or younger) were less likely to finish high school or go to college than their counterparts.
Aspiration is at least partially responsible. In a 2009 longitudinal study of 856 people in semirural New York, Bowling Green State University psychologist Eric Dubow found that "parents' educational level when the child was 8 years old significantly predicted educational and occupational success for the child 40 years later."
[h=2]Provide early academic skills[/h]A 2007 meta-analysis of 35,000 preschoolers across the US, Canada, and England found that developing math skills early can turn into a huge advantage.
"The paramount importance of early math skills – of beginning school with a knowledge of numbers, number order, and other rudimentary math concepts – is one of the puzzles coming out of the study," co-author and Northwestern University researcher Greg Duncan said in a press release. "Mastery of early math skills predicts not only future math achievement, it also predicts future reading achievement."
[h=2]Offer sensitive caregiving[/h]A 2014 study of 243 people born into poverty found that children who received "sensitive caregiving" in their first three years not only did better in academic tests in childhood, but had healthier relationships and greater academic attainment in their 30s.
As reported on PsyBlog, parents who are sensitive caregivers "respond to their child's signals promptly and appropriately" and "provide a secure base" for children to explore the world.
"This suggests that investments in early parent-child relationships may result in long-term returns that accumulate across individuals' lives," co-author and University of Minnesota psychologist Lee Raby said in an interview.
[h=2]Avoid junk time with kids[/h]According to new research cited by Brigid Schulte at The Washington Post, the number of hours that moms spend with kids between ages 3 and 11 does little to predict the child's behavior, well-being, or achievement.
What's more, the "intensive mothering" or "helicopter parenting" approach can backfire.
"Mothers' stress, especially when mothers are stressed because of the juggling with work and trying to find time with kids, that may actually be affecting their kids poorly," study co-author and Bowling Green State University sociologist Kei Nomaguchi told the Post.
Emotional contagion – or the psychological phenomenon where people "catch" feelings from one another like they would a cold – helps explain why. Research shows that if your friend is happy, that brightness will infect you; if she's sad, that gloominess will transfer as well. So if a mother (or father) is exhausted or frustrated, that emotional state could transfer to the kids.
[h=2]Teach a growth mindset[/h]Where kids think success comes from also predicts their attainment.
Over decades, Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck has discovered that children (and adults) think about success in one of two ways. Over at the always-fantastic Brain Pickings, Maria Popova says they go a little something like this:
A "fixed mindset" assumes that our character, intelligence, and creative ability are static givens which we can't change in any meaningful way, and success is the affirmation of that inherent intelligence, an assessment of how those givens measure up against an equally fixed standard; striving for success and avoiding failure at all costs become a way of maintaining the sense of being smart or skilled.
A "growth mindset," on the other hand, thrives on challenge and sees failure not as evidence of un-intelligence but as a heartening springboard for growth and for stretching our existing abilities.
At the core is a distinction in the way you assume your will affects your ability, and it has a powerful effect on kids. If kids are told that they aced a test because of their innate intelligence, that creates a "fixed" mindset. If they succeeded because of effort, that teaches a "growth" mindset.
In one study of 4-year-olds, Dweck let kids choose between solving easy or difficult jigsaw puzzles. The kids with a fixed mindset chose the easier one, since it would validate their god-given abilities. The growth-oriented kids opted for the harder puzzle, since they saw it as an opportunity to learn.
Like Popova notes, the "fixed" kids wanted to do the easy puzzle since it would help them look smart and thus successful; the "growth" kids wanted the hard puzzles since their sense of success was tied up in becoming smarter.
So when you praise your kids, don't congratulate them for being so smart, commend them for working so hard.
 
One thing that I believe does not get enough attention is the effect of parental stress on children. When parents and families are stressed, it negatively affects the mood and concentration level of kids. This doesn't mean that families should never have stress or that kids are only negatively affected by stress. Kids can learn how to cope with stressful situations because of their families approach to stress. It is often thought that kids care only about whether they are cared for and what their parents do to make life better for them. This assumes kids have a very self involved view. However, it's rarely acknowledged how much the happiness level of parents or loved ones affects a child's feeling of happiness and confidence in their own success. A child's level of confidence and security is often affected by seeing their parents or loved ones go through difficult situations. They will not be as happy if their parents are unhappy, even if their parents are sacrificing to have their needs met. Children are also positively impacted when parents take care of themselves and feel fulfilled. Yes, children often come to appreciate the struggle, sacrifice, and care their families give them, but they also need to see their loved ones happy in their own right as well. Children like contributing to their parents and family's happiness, through their own unique gifts. They don't simply want to get. They also want to give, and this can boost their self esteem and develop healthy self confidence. This can also improve their feelings of success.
 
The fixed vs. growth mindset is my favorite part of this. I haven't heard it in those terms before, but I've heard the concept and can definitely relate to what they describe here. The example of choosing the easy puzzle over the hard one is wonderful. My parents always told me I was very clever, and I felt a certain fear of failure as a result of that, a tendency to want to hide any areas where I might be ignorant or uninformed. I would be afraid to ask questions sometimes and would wait until I could look up the answers for myself, because I didn't want to appear "not smart." I like the idea of "smart" being a thing of constant becoming rather than being static/innate. Maybe if I'd thought about it that way it would have helped to temper my perfectionism. With the way I thought about it, I was either smart or I wasn't, and I usually felt I wasn't but wanted to appear that I was. So if I made a mistake on an exam I would beat myself up about not "being" smart enough rather than acknowledging that maybe I could have worked harder and been better prepared. If I should be so blessed as to have children, I would want them to gladly accept challenges and not feel embarrassed if they don't know something. It's funny/sad/counter-intuitive how an attempt to encourage children by telling them they are smart can actually backfire.
 
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It depends what you mean by 'successful'

If a child is happy then imo they are successful because when we die we can't take our money with us

There is no prize at the end for who accumulated the most wealth, it isn't a competition

All there is is what we got out of our experiences and what we gave to other peoples experiences

A person might make lots of money and be a total dick and be unhappy and give bad experiences to everyone he meets. Is that a successful use of a life experience? No..the guy's a total failure
 
Most if not all those listed fall back to number 2, the socioeconomic status.
Parents that expect the most from their kids as in number 1, are probably in the position themselves to demand that they reach the level they are at themselves.
The third, higher education…it takes some REAL money to get a higher education in this country now…especially if we are talking Ivy League schools.
The fourth, early academic skills…this takes time, this takes money, to do it well, it takes at least one parent at home with the child, which takes money.
I know more has been invested in early education, but it’s still severely lacking.
The fifth, offer sensitive care-giving… Ha! Takes someone staying at home…just not an option for someone working paycheck to paycheck…you don’t get sensitive caregiving at most childcare facilities which is now becoming ridiculously expensive too…how people can afford it is beyond me!
The sixth, avoiding junk time with the kids is also becoming a past-time for people with money…once again, child is in daycare all day because both parents work, both come home, tired, stressed because they live paycheck to paycheck…this does not make for quality time.
The seventh, a growth mindset…again, the parents do not have the resources to grow out of their socioeconomic position…they cannot afford to become better educated…they are essentially stuck in the cycle and this becomes reflected in the children many times.
 
It's been known for a while now that socioeconomic status has been the most significant predictor of student performance in schools. It's pretty much common knowledge at this point. Stress, educational attainment, and quality of caregiving tend to be byproducts of that.

The mindset bit I hadn't really considered but intuitively makes sense. I've seen it in school and in people around me in general. I was myself raised with a fixed mindset, to some extent, and am still learning how to push myself and willingly take on failure as an opportunity to improve.

Knowing what it takes to raise a child with high chances of success has me leery about the prospect, to be quite honest. I would love to build, raise, and guide my own little human, but I am utterly terrified about the prospect of screwing them up, because you only have to fail in one area to create a chain reaction of failures generations down the line. I'd rather not have children unless I can give them the best parenting possible.
 
you forgot WHITE

babies-1.jpg


SUCCESS!
 
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Define successful.
 
Was Jonah successful?
 
If we succeed in our life's calling, we are successful. If we end up in the ghettos rather than be rich, is it not by choice? Do we not have different definitions of success?
 
If we succeed in our life's calling, we are successful. If we end up in the ghettos rather than be rich, is it not by choice? Do we not have different definitions of success?

It isn’t always by choice…there are circumstances in people’s lives that perpetuate cycles of poverty…especially in America.
It isn’t just a matter of - pulling up your so-called “bootstraps” anymore…working harder does not equate to making more money here in the US anymore…the upward mobility we once had has flatlined Sir.
 
Neither does making more money make one successful.
 
That man is a success who has lived well,
laughed often and loved much;
Who has gained the respect
of intelligent men and the love of children;
Who has filled his niche
and accomplished his task;
Who leaves the world better than he found it,
whether by an improved poppy or a perfect poem or a rescued soul;
Who never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty
or failed to express it;
Who looked for the best in others
and gave the best he had ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is one person's definition.
 
Neither does making more money make one successful.

Very true…I was referencing your comment about people choosing to end up either in the ghetto or choosing to be rich.
There is a reason why when we talk about certain people’s rise from poverty as being miraculous or other such descriptors.
It happens yes, and it’s usually the culminated efforts of many people helping that person along the way as they grow.

I don’t measure my success by the amount of money in my bank account at all.
You set your own expectations, not the world.

I only wanted to clarify that there are reasons that people become stuck in the poverty cycle…it happens, and a lot of times it has nothing to do with working harder.
There are some very hard working people picking grapes in the fields around where I grew up…they work much harder than some CEOs making billions of dollars.
People work two, or three jobs sometimes just to make ends meet…there are very hard working folks who are still falling behind…they can’t work smarter in all cases because they can’t afford to educate themselves, that takes time off and more money most can’t swing.
There are very hard working folks on Food Stamps just trying to make it from day to day…and we demonize them…the media shuns them.
How sad.