Sorting INFJ from INTJ

INTJs are probably more confident in public and much more cynical of the people in their surroundings. I hesitate to say arrogant because I realize that's become somewhat of a stereotype.. but they don't make the best first impressions usually, because they don't care what you think about them.. Wheras infjs are a bit more accomodating, yet still cool and reserved. Maybe?

 

After reading about INTJs, I realize that I seem to lean more towards that direction when I'm wearing my "professional hat" - except I'm still always aware of the feelings of others.

It seems that people seem to take INTJs and INFJs both as cold people off their first impression, so it's kinda' hard to say. While TJs may be forming their thoughts so they make sense to others, FJs are usually forming their thoughts into something that won't hurt anyone's feelings. I just figure TJs will be more outgoing and exude confidence, while us FJs generally are a bit more unsure of ourselves.

 

INTJ seem more logical than INFJ.

 

INTJs don't validate feelings unless they can make logical sense of them. They seem to dismiss emotions of themselves and others more when the emotions aren't practical.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "I'm not having this argument/ conversation because it's not based on anything reasonable." I've literally heard, "When there's something real to argue/ discuss, then I'll discuss it."

 

Well how do you discuss feelings, anyway? They don't make much sense. Why do people bring up feelings in the first place unless they are trying to explain a particular problem that has a very obvious solution?

I'd say that the majority of time when people won't discuss something they say is illogical, it is because it is illogical.

 

Right, slant. That's exactly the typical intj response I get.
For example, if they do something that offends you or irritates you or whathave you, they have a hard time understanding how what they did affected you if you explain to them how it made you feel. Seems they have a problem with subjectivity and limited empathetic skills. But doesn't mean that applies to all of them, just those I've encountered. Still, I love them dearly and they're probably the most interesting mbti type to me. In a way, I'm magnatized to them more than any other type in the theory.

 

Actually, it's difficult to explain how INFJs and INTJs differ...I can tell the difference in real life, but I can't really explain how :/
INFJs usually become warmer in social situations quicker (and quicker for an INxJ type could mean the difference between three months and four). They tend to focus on the relationship aspects, the social parts of it.
An INTJ will be social, but in a different way...they will have more of a cynical humor, a little less caring about how people "feel" about it. INFJs can have dark humor, but INTJs will show this part of themselves quicker than the INFJ will.

 

Exactly. I think y'all can pull off false confidence better. They only time I've ever been seen as confident is when I actually was. )

 

The reason for that, I would assume, isn't because they don't understand how they affected you; it's that they don't understand how to solve the problem. I may not be an INTJ but my mode of thinking when someone brings up a problem is: how do I solve this? When someone brings up feelings as a problem I feel inclined to state: They are your feelings, control them. I know that it may sound harsh, but how am I supposed to fix someone else's feelings when I have no control over them? The best I can do is to ask what actions of my has caused those feelings and to avoid them, or to state that they need to figure out a way to make themselves feel differently when these actions occur because I am not responsible for their emotional wellbeing. Which response I use depends on the situation.

 

Haha, you know. You're right. They are more interested in solving the problem than understanding how a person was affected. Whereas I'm the other way around-- understand the effect of the action, then solve it...

In a mild argument with my intj for example, he got frustrated and said if you make a list of what you want from me, I'll do it. Just tell me exactly what it is you want..(and not sarcastically.)

Of course I'm not going to make a demand list on him, but I was baffled that instead of wanting to understand how I felt, he was more concerned with just fixing the problem. But your post helped to clarify that he's not callous, just approaches things differently than a feeling type would.

 

Hmm...yes. I find that INFJ's typically are very emotionally and need to express how they feel about a situation before being able to come to a conclusion. I guess what you are proposing is that this is an F trait, which I suppose it may be. I've found that a lot of people asking me questions about how I 'feel' about a situation are frustrated when I don't respond the way they expect me to; that's just not at the top of my priorities at the moment. In fact I'm often even felt void of having any feelings at all in certain situations.

I think that most F types, espcially INFJ, have this deep desire to connect with someone else socially; F seems to function as a trait that makes a person more prone to relating experiences. T seems more prone to relating ideas. So the communication gap between T and F seems to be that one side wants to discuss their personal life happenings with a emphasis on 'personal', whereas the other side prefers to discuss things that are less centered around 1st hand encounters, perhaps detached from the actual person, and more focused on ideas.

 

INTJ's & INFJ's & love

I have a friend who is INTJ, who I met on another forum. He approached me first in a PM saying how much he liked my post.
I was very surprised. He is fierce and unapologetic and very, very smart! Didnt have a clue he was even aware of me.

He kept up the conversation and later told me [when I asked what he saw in me] that he "liked" me. He wanted to "inter-act" with me.

I am liking him very much, but i am unsure as how to proceed.
I have read much on INTJ, and I feel there is a big similarity between us.
I like that he is truthful and gives me NO drama.
But my emotions seem to "bounce off" him.
I can make him laugh. He pm's me several times a day.
He's kind and patient with me.
He's offered the Eagles song "One of These Nights" to me and I think of it as our song.
I have NO idea where this whole non-relationship is going.
He wont even tell me what color his eyes are!!

All advice welcome.
Thank you.

 

Thanx Flamethrower

Your insights are like nuggets of gold!
I am very grateful.
For me this is like getting it from the horses mouth.

Now I am wondering if INTJ's are a bit like Spock, calm & rational on the outside, a cauldron of emo on the inside.

*imagining it*

Nah!

 

I type spock as an ISTJ.